Really, what DO you have faith in? When you go to sit in a chair do you stop to think about if it will hold you? (no jokes here) You get in your car and turn the key, you don't stop to wonder if it will start. You set your alarm and you don't stay up all night worried about if it will go off. You plug in a lamp, no worries about if the electricity will work. There are so many things that we have faith in. We don't fret about them. It is just known, believed in, taken for granted that it will be as it always has been.
I've been thinking about my faith. Real faith. The Bible says in Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. I think that describes a lot of those examples above. We are sure of those things happening even though we don't see how they work. How can I have such faith in those things and then question God. Will He come through? Does He really understand what I am praying? Maybe I should just keep control over this situation because I'm not sure I fully trust God. Are you kidding? What is my problem! When I fret and worry and hold on...I have no faith. I don't trust Him.
Has there ever been a day when God forgot to tell the sun to rise? Has there ever been a day when God said He was taking the day off and would not be hearing your prayers that day? Do you remember any verses in the Bible that say there are certain situations that He just cannot handle? Has He ever, even once, really needed YOUR help to solve a problem?
It sounds ridiculous. But I know it's the way I behave and I bet it's the way some of you behave also. Let me just hold onto this one situation and worry about it. Let me keep fretting and controlling....God has too many other things to worry about.
When I pray, I want to pray in faith. Not that God will answer my prayer in the affirmative. But faith, real faith, that He is listening, that He cares, that He loves, that He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. The same God who parted the Red Sea - that is the God I am talking with, praying to.
Lord, keep growing my faith. After all these years, I still have a long way to go. I want to be a person who takes you at your word. One who places everything into your hands and trusts you completely! I want to be certain of what I hope for. What I hope for is a closer walk with you, less fear, security in your love and to be used by you for your purposes not mine.
Faith...what do you have faith in today?
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Our Father
"I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters," says the Lord Almighty.
2 Corinthians 6 : 18
Do you see that? He will be our Father! I am HIS daughter. Unbelievable. It's not conditional. He doesn't say, "if you do this and this, then I will treat you like my child". Yes, I need to receive His gift of salvation. But then that's it, He is my Father. He is your Father. He is also the Father of my children.
As many of you know, my son David has been gone on a mission trip. I heard from him last night. Hadn't spoken with him in a week. What a sweet gift to hear the voice of my son so on fire, so filled with passion and compassion. They built the house for the family working alongside of them. When it came time to hand over the keys, you can imagine there was not a dry eye. David had become very close with the family and the surrounding town people. He cried. My 15 year old "very cool" son has had his heart changed forever. I prayed that he would come back looking more like God's son and I believe he will. Still praying that his heart will come back softened toward his earthly father also. David may be the one who God uses to speak to his dad. But for now David knows the love of his Heavenly Father like never before!! Praise Him.
Lately, God has overwhelmed me with the burdens of others. Since my ministry has to be from home now, He has given me plenty of ways to still serve Him. I am so grateful for that. But there are so many hurting people. Illness. Marriages falling apart. Parents losing children. Abuse. Addiction. Loneliness. Rejection. Financial struggles. Job loss. Questions. Unsaved family. The list is endless. I have learned to pray in a way I never have before. It's as if their burden literally becomes mine. It hurts to carry burdens, it's heavy. But we are all in this together, helping to lighten the load for others by going to the cross on their behalf. As I know so many of you are doing for me and my children and my husband.
Learning and growing. Letting go and picking up. Striving and being still. Crying and praising. God is doing a work in me and I know in so many of you. It's so fun to visit with you and see how God is molding and using each one of you. May we each do what we're called to do. Wanting to please our Father. Just as children want to please their parents. After all we are His sons and daughters.
2 Corinthians 6 : 18
Do you see that? He will be our Father! I am HIS daughter. Unbelievable. It's not conditional. He doesn't say, "if you do this and this, then I will treat you like my child". Yes, I need to receive His gift of salvation. But then that's it, He is my Father. He is your Father. He is also the Father of my children.
As many of you know, my son David has been gone on a mission trip. I heard from him last night. Hadn't spoken with him in a week. What a sweet gift to hear the voice of my son so on fire, so filled with passion and compassion. They built the house for the family working alongside of them. When it came time to hand over the keys, you can imagine there was not a dry eye. David had become very close with the family and the surrounding town people. He cried. My 15 year old "very cool" son has had his heart changed forever. I prayed that he would come back looking more like God's son and I believe he will. Still praying that his heart will come back softened toward his earthly father also. David may be the one who God uses to speak to his dad. But for now David knows the love of his Heavenly Father like never before!! Praise Him.
Lately, God has overwhelmed me with the burdens of others. Since my ministry has to be from home now, He has given me plenty of ways to still serve Him. I am so grateful for that. But there are so many hurting people. Illness. Marriages falling apart. Parents losing children. Abuse. Addiction. Loneliness. Rejection. Financial struggles. Job loss. Questions. Unsaved family. The list is endless. I have learned to pray in a way I never have before. It's as if their burden literally becomes mine. It hurts to carry burdens, it's heavy. But we are all in this together, helping to lighten the load for others by going to the cross on their behalf. As I know so many of you are doing for me and my children and my husband.
Learning and growing. Letting go and picking up. Striving and being still. Crying and praising. God is doing a work in me and I know in so many of you. It's so fun to visit with you and see how God is molding and using each one of you. May we each do what we're called to do. Wanting to please our Father. Just as children want to please their parents. After all we are His sons and daughters.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Okay, Okay, I Get It...
Do you have those times where God is practically beating you over the head trying to get you to understand something? You know, where a verse is repeated over and over, or you hear the same message from different places, or the same song. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Well, God has been doing that to me lately. I'm a little slow, but I think I'm getting it.
The theme is: who and what are you going to believe? I've been participating in a Bible study this summer by Kelly Minter. The title is No Other Gods. Usually I do a Bible study in my home with real live people. But this time I'm doing the study with my "imaginary friends" inside the computer. There are many women from all over the country that are going through this study "together".
Anyway, we're learning about idols and our false gods. And that false gods are all steeped in lies. Yesterday I was listing lies that I hear in my head. They are ugly and when I write them down, I think to myself "how could you even begin to believe those to be true"? God is so good to reveal Himself to me. By exposing those lies, I can then go back to what is Truth and tear down the lies. How freeing.
Satan has been feeding me the lie that God cannot restore my marriage and even if He could, it's not worth fighting for. When did I start believing that? If you've been with me for awhile, you know I've been convinced that God would bring beauty from ashes. I knew it in the very center of my being. But somehow, I let satan weasel his way into my mind and I started feasting on his lies. God can do ANYTHING and a marriage IS worth fighting for. I had committed to not speaking badly about my husband and I've found myself slipping into a pattern of letting some of that ugliness spew out of my mouth. No more!
So, back to the theme being repeated. I was listening to Beth Moore this morning teach on "What to do when you don't know what to do". The battle is the Lord's. Bring your complaints before God. I don't need to complain to everyone around me, I can tell on my husband to God. I will start praising God for what He is going to do because I know it's going to be amazing! I learned a long time ago that I behave the way I behave, because I believe what I believe. I choose today, to believe you God. And I'm going to behave like someone who believes. I may have to start over again tomorrow but your mercies are new every morning. Thank you for that.
This isn't just about believing God is going to restore my marriage or my family or my health. It's about simply believing God is who He says He is.
What lies are you believing? Stop believing them and take God at His word!!
The theme is: who and what are you going to believe? I've been participating in a Bible study this summer by Kelly Minter. The title is No Other Gods. Usually I do a Bible study in my home with real live people. But this time I'm doing the study with my "imaginary friends" inside the computer. There are many women from all over the country that are going through this study "together".
Anyway, we're learning about idols and our false gods. And that false gods are all steeped in lies. Yesterday I was listing lies that I hear in my head. They are ugly and when I write them down, I think to myself "how could you even begin to believe those to be true"? God is so good to reveal Himself to me. By exposing those lies, I can then go back to what is Truth and tear down the lies. How freeing.
Satan has been feeding me the lie that God cannot restore my marriage and even if He could, it's not worth fighting for. When did I start believing that? If you've been with me for awhile, you know I've been convinced that God would bring beauty from ashes. I knew it in the very center of my being. But somehow, I let satan weasel his way into my mind and I started feasting on his lies. God can do ANYTHING and a marriage IS worth fighting for. I had committed to not speaking badly about my husband and I've found myself slipping into a pattern of letting some of that ugliness spew out of my mouth. No more!
So, back to the theme being repeated. I was listening to Beth Moore this morning teach on "What to do when you don't know what to do". The battle is the Lord's. Bring your complaints before God. I don't need to complain to everyone around me, I can tell on my husband to God. I will start praising God for what He is going to do because I know it's going to be amazing! I learned a long time ago that I behave the way I behave, because I believe what I believe. I choose today, to believe you God. And I'm going to behave like someone who believes. I may have to start over again tomorrow but your mercies are new every morning. Thank you for that.
This isn't just about believing God is going to restore my marriage or my family or my health. It's about simply believing God is who He says He is.
What lies are you believing? Stop believing them and take God at His word!!
Saturday, July 5, 2008
My Son
This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Matt 3:17
I know this verse is spoken by God in reference to Jesus, but today they are words straight from this mother's heart. My 15 year old son, David, headed out at 3 am this morning for a mission trip. He will be in Mexico building homes for families that have never had one. For the next 13 days he will be serving the Lord and then praising Him at a convention with thousands of youth. I love my son and I am well pleased. There have been moments where I thought maybe I was too prideful that he was going on this trip. But that's just satan trying to steal my joy. David has a heart for others. (don't get me wrong, he loves himself too, he's not selfless, he is a teen after all). But I've watched the way he has loved me over the years and I knew he had a heart that was sensitive to the needs of others. David, I pray these next 2 weeks will be life changing. That you won't miss one thing that God has for you. That you will understand the love of your Father like never before. I will miss you but I love you and am well pleased.
To all of you out there, thank you all for your encouraging words and your prayers. I've always liked the passage in Galations about carrying each other's burdens but until now I don't know that I have really known the meaning. I've not been on the receiving end of it like I have been over the past few months. What comfort it brings to know that others are going to the Lord on my behalf when I have no words to pray. What comfort that others feel my pain and are carrying part of the burden with me. There are no words to adequately thank you!
God is doing a big work in my family. The kids and I will never be the same. And as I've said before that's not always a bad thing. Striving to be more like Christ. It's painful at times but the result of being more Christ-like, having an unshakable trust, knowing we are loved by the Father...it's worth the pain. It really is. I'm not saying that I'm loving life right now but God is teaching me to look at the eternal and not the temporal. This will pass. Everything will. The goal is not to walk through this life without pain, it is to be presented to the Father and here Him say "this is my son/daughter, whom I love;with him/her I am well pleased".
Thank you, Lord, that you love each of us enough to not leave us in the state we're in. That you keep refining. That you see something in us that we don't see and you're allowing circumstances to mold us and make us more like you. Thank you for giving me my son, I pray he comes home looking more like yours!
I know this verse is spoken by God in reference to Jesus, but today they are words straight from this mother's heart. My 15 year old son, David, headed out at 3 am this morning for a mission trip. He will be in Mexico building homes for families that have never had one. For the next 13 days he will be serving the Lord and then praising Him at a convention with thousands of youth. I love my son and I am well pleased. There have been moments where I thought maybe I was too prideful that he was going on this trip. But that's just satan trying to steal my joy. David has a heart for others. (don't get me wrong, he loves himself too, he's not selfless, he is a teen after all). But I've watched the way he has loved me over the years and I knew he had a heart that was sensitive to the needs of others. David, I pray these next 2 weeks will be life changing. That you won't miss one thing that God has for you. That you will understand the love of your Father like never before. I will miss you but I love you and am well pleased.
To all of you out there, thank you all for your encouraging words and your prayers. I've always liked the passage in Galations about carrying each other's burdens but until now I don't know that I have really known the meaning. I've not been on the receiving end of it like I have been over the past few months. What comfort it brings to know that others are going to the Lord on my behalf when I have no words to pray. What comfort that others feel my pain and are carrying part of the burden with me. There are no words to adequately thank you!
God is doing a big work in my family. The kids and I will never be the same. And as I've said before that's not always a bad thing. Striving to be more like Christ. It's painful at times but the result of being more Christ-like, having an unshakable trust, knowing we are loved by the Father...it's worth the pain. It really is. I'm not saying that I'm loving life right now but God is teaching me to look at the eternal and not the temporal. This will pass. Everything will. The goal is not to walk through this life without pain, it is to be presented to the Father and here Him say "this is my son/daughter, whom I love;with him/her I am well pleased".
Thank you, Lord, that you love each of us enough to not leave us in the state we're in. That you keep refining. That you see something in us that we don't see and you're allowing circumstances to mold us and make us more like you. Thank you for giving me my son, I pray he comes home looking more like yours!
Monday, June 30, 2008
Nothing
Nothing. I have nothing to say. Yet, I feel I'm supposed to be here. So we will just see what comes out. God made me with a very sensitive heart. When I see someone else hurting, I cry. I sense people's pain in a very odd way. Like I take it on myself. I cry over almost everything. Commercials, movies, praise music, funny stories, sad stories, you name it, it will bring this girl to tears. My kids think I'm a bit nuts, but they're used to it. They know if they write me a letter, they need to leave the room because I will be a puddle of tears in moments.
My heart is breaking for my kids right now. I am taking on their pain in a very real way. My heart literally aches. My husband's daughter has been staying with us (just me and the kids) for the past week. If you're new here, my husband has filed for divorce so he no longer lives here. Anyway, the fact that she is here is a long story for another day, but God is so full of mercy and grace. I feel her pain though. She is just waiting for her dad to call, to make a connection and nothing. He did the obligatory dinner one night but that was it. She is a daughter wanting to be chosen, wanting to be pursued, needing validation from her daddy. And she is not getting it. I cry. I weep. My kids feel the same way. Why doesn't dad want us? Why would he leave? How can he just go on with his life? Again. I cry. I weep.
I wonder how God feels? He is pursuing us, choosing us and at times we just turn the other way. If he weeps, it's because He knows what we are missing. The perfect father. The perfect relationship. We won't need validation from others if we find our identity in Him alone. How do we get there? It all sounds so good, so Christian, so spiritual, but how do we do it? Sure, read the Bible, pray, spend time with Him...I know all those things yet I sense He has more for me and I'm missing something. My worth doesn't come from my husband. In my head I know that, but my heart still hurts. My kids (all of them) want to be chosen by their dad, but for now they are not and I try to teach them of the unconditional love of the Father.
Jesus, your Word says that you came to bind up the broken-hearted. There are a lot of broken hearts in this home and in many others. Please come and minister to all of us. I am begging for each one of us to KNOW your love. Your Word also says that weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. Bring on the morning Lord. We are ready for your joy!!
My heart is breaking for my kids right now. I am taking on their pain in a very real way. My heart literally aches. My husband's daughter has been staying with us (just me and the kids) for the past week. If you're new here, my husband has filed for divorce so he no longer lives here. Anyway, the fact that she is here is a long story for another day, but God is so full of mercy and grace. I feel her pain though. She is just waiting for her dad to call, to make a connection and nothing. He did the obligatory dinner one night but that was it. She is a daughter wanting to be chosen, wanting to be pursued, needing validation from her daddy. And she is not getting it. I cry. I weep. My kids feel the same way. Why doesn't dad want us? Why would he leave? How can he just go on with his life? Again. I cry. I weep.
I wonder how God feels? He is pursuing us, choosing us and at times we just turn the other way. If he weeps, it's because He knows what we are missing. The perfect father. The perfect relationship. We won't need validation from others if we find our identity in Him alone. How do we get there? It all sounds so good, so Christian, so spiritual, but how do we do it? Sure, read the Bible, pray, spend time with Him...I know all those things yet I sense He has more for me and I'm missing something. My worth doesn't come from my husband. In my head I know that, but my heart still hurts. My kids (all of them) want to be chosen by their dad, but for now they are not and I try to teach them of the unconditional love of the Father.
Jesus, your Word says that you came to bind up the broken-hearted. There are a lot of broken hearts in this home and in many others. Please come and minister to all of us. I am begging for each one of us to KNOW your love. Your Word also says that weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. Bring on the morning Lord. We are ready for your joy!!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
My Disease
As many of you know I have a "life altering" illness. Technically it is called bilateral vestibular neuritis and I also have migraine activated vertigo. I hate this illness. When I asked the doctor if I would ever get my life back, he simply replied, "no".
Well, that's not the disease I want to talk about today. There's a much worse disease that I have suffered from. The disease of unbelief. I've struggled to believe God. Oh sure, I've believed IN Him but not really believed Him. For sure there are many who suffer with unbelief. Because it is a sin, it ravages our lives just like a real disease. It robs us of joy, peace, grace, knowing forgiveness, assurance. It brings self-loathing, doubt, anxiety, fear and lies along with it. If satan get us to NOT believe what God has said to be true, satan can fill our lives and minds with his poison. Disease.
During my year or more at home I have come to know Jesus in a whole new way. I've had to give Him my doubts, fears, anxiety and the thoughts that rob me of joy. (I do take these back from God every once in awhile) You see, there's no room for my "disease of unbelief" if I want to know Jesus better. I want wholeness in every aspect of my life. Sure, it would be great to get up and walk without the imbalance, to shop, to go have fun with my kids, to have a restored marriage. But if He only heals the physical disease and not the spiritual one, my healing will be fleeting.
Freedom from disease is what I am after. Freedom to walk daily in the knowledge that God loves ME. Freedom to believe He is perfect, able, my supplier, holy, living, watching me at all times, holding me, He cares, just, righteous....the list goes on and on. I want to walk in belief, free from the disease that satan keeps trying to throw back on me. Lord, heal my disease!
I do not plan out what I am going to sit and write. I just come here and start pecking away at the computer. Many times things probably don't make sense to anyone but me, but that's okay. Blogging started out as just another extension of my journal, never thinking people would come and read. So, it is still my journal of the journey God and I are on together. Today, He is telling me there is a far more deadly disease out there. Unbelief. Lord, I don't want my old life back. The doctor is right. I won't get it back because the life you have for me is far greater!!
This song is one of my favorites. I found it thanks to my new friend, Kim. He IS my Healer.
Believing and trusting for Healing,
-Sheryl
Well, that's not the disease I want to talk about today. There's a much worse disease that I have suffered from. The disease of unbelief. I've struggled to believe God. Oh sure, I've believed IN Him but not really believed Him. For sure there are many who suffer with unbelief. Because it is a sin, it ravages our lives just like a real disease. It robs us of joy, peace, grace, knowing forgiveness, assurance. It brings self-loathing, doubt, anxiety, fear and lies along with it. If satan get us to NOT believe what God has said to be true, satan can fill our lives and minds with his poison. Disease.
During my year or more at home I have come to know Jesus in a whole new way. I've had to give Him my doubts, fears, anxiety and the thoughts that rob me of joy. (I do take these back from God every once in awhile) You see, there's no room for my "disease of unbelief" if I want to know Jesus better. I want wholeness in every aspect of my life. Sure, it would be great to get up and walk without the imbalance, to shop, to go have fun with my kids, to have a restored marriage. But if He only heals the physical disease and not the spiritual one, my healing will be fleeting.
Freedom from disease is what I am after. Freedom to walk daily in the knowledge that God loves ME. Freedom to believe He is perfect, able, my supplier, holy, living, watching me at all times, holding me, He cares, just, righteous....the list goes on and on. I want to walk in belief, free from the disease that satan keeps trying to throw back on me. Lord, heal my disease!
I do not plan out what I am going to sit and write. I just come here and start pecking away at the computer. Many times things probably don't make sense to anyone but me, but that's okay. Blogging started out as just another extension of my journal, never thinking people would come and read. So, it is still my journal of the journey God and I are on together. Today, He is telling me there is a far more deadly disease out there. Unbelief. Lord, I don't want my old life back. The doctor is right. I won't get it back because the life you have for me is far greater!!
This song is one of my favorites. I found it thanks to my new friend, Kim. He IS my Healer.
Believing and trusting for Healing,
-Sheryl
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Is God Enough?
Struggling with that question today...is God enough? There was a Bible study I did a few years back that asked the question, "if everything else was taken from you, would you be satisfied with Jesus?" I always had to answer that honestly with a resounding "NO"! I feel as if so much is/has been taken from me and I'm wondering if I'm getting any closer to answering "Yes, Jesus, you are enough". I might be getting closer, but I am not there yet.
To think of all I have because of Jesus...and none of this has anything to do with anyone or anything else. I would still have these things just because of HIM.
- complete forgiveness of ALL of my sins
- salvation and eternal life
- grace and mercy that have no end
- unconditional/unfathomable love
- an intercessor at all times
- constant companion and friend - I am never alone
- peace & joy if I receive them
- a fresh start every morning
- provider of all my needs
- one who was willing to give His life for ME
The list could go on and on, obviously. But that is just for starters. Now if everything and everyone else were taken away from me, that should be enough to satisfy this soul. Oh, how I want to be satisfied with just Jesus! My heart is crying out the past few days. For relief, for my kids, for my marriage, for my heart & mind, still it's all about me. Lord, give me a new perspective. Give me YOUR perspective. Change me. Satisfy me.
Is God enough for you? If all you have was to be taken away would you be satisfied with Jesus?
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Forgiveness
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14 & 15
These verses are marked and dated in my Bible. It was virtually life to me at one point and sure direction as to what I was supposed to do next. Forgiveness is not for the other person it is for you, for me. When we forgive we are released from the "death grip" of unforgiveness and bitterness. It doesn't mean we have to forget what happened, but we don't use it against that person or dwell on it any more. It is so freeing. When God led me to those verses many years ago, it was after I literally looked up to heaven and said "now what"? And HE sent me right to Matthew. I've been grateful ever since.
Oh, don't get me wrong, it's not as if I've never struggled to forgive since then. Hardly. But I understand the benefits of the commandments to forgive. I'd rather live in freedom than bitterness any day.
These days as I wrestle with forgiving different people in my life, I am again reminded to just choose forgiveness and walk without that burden. (as you know, walking is hard enough for me, let alone with the extra weight of unforgiveness...) Sorry, I digress. There are those that just say something "stupid" to me and I want to be angry. Others I think should be coming around and offering support. They don't. And I want to hold a grudge. My husband is choosing to walk away from his family (at least for this season) and, boy, do I want to get ugly. But who will that help? I may feel better for the moment, but that won't last.
IF my husband doesn't know Jesus, he needs to see me modeling Christ no matter the circumstance. Don's salvation should be more important to me than whether our marriage is saved, whether I get what's fair, whether he comes around and helps. My focus needs to change (once again) from me and my needs to Don and his need for the Savior. That's tough for me. My flesh cries out. But God is getting more and more of me these days and it's harder to block out His voice. I will still pray for the restoration of my marriage and our family. But I am committing to pray that Don will come to know The Healer to receive the healing he so desperately needs. We all need it though, don't we?
So, today I am going to choose forgivness. Wow, that feels good. I feel lighter already. God sure is a miracle worker because I love a good grudge. I've been praying for miracles. They're just coming in different forms. Although you should know I have been able to get out a little bit more and I am SO excited for that. God's doing a big work, I need to get out of the way and let Him.
Love,
-Sheryl
These verses are marked and dated in my Bible. It was virtually life to me at one point and sure direction as to what I was supposed to do next. Forgiveness is not for the other person it is for you, for me. When we forgive we are released from the "death grip" of unforgiveness and bitterness. It doesn't mean we have to forget what happened, but we don't use it against that person or dwell on it any more. It is so freeing. When God led me to those verses many years ago, it was after I literally looked up to heaven and said "now what"? And HE sent me right to Matthew. I've been grateful ever since.
Oh, don't get me wrong, it's not as if I've never struggled to forgive since then. Hardly. But I understand the benefits of the commandments to forgive. I'd rather live in freedom than bitterness any day.
These days as I wrestle with forgiving different people in my life, I am again reminded to just choose forgiveness and walk without that burden. (as you know, walking is hard enough for me, let alone with the extra weight of unforgiveness...) Sorry, I digress. There are those that just say something "stupid" to me and I want to be angry. Others I think should be coming around and offering support. They don't. And I want to hold a grudge. My husband is choosing to walk away from his family (at least for this season) and, boy, do I want to get ugly. But who will that help? I may feel better for the moment, but that won't last.
IF my husband doesn't know Jesus, he needs to see me modeling Christ no matter the circumstance. Don's salvation should be more important to me than whether our marriage is saved, whether I get what's fair, whether he comes around and helps. My focus needs to change (once again) from me and my needs to Don and his need for the Savior. That's tough for me. My flesh cries out. But God is getting more and more of me these days and it's harder to block out His voice. I will still pray for the restoration of my marriage and our family. But I am committing to pray that Don will come to know The Healer to receive the healing he so desperately needs. We all need it though, don't we?
So, today I am going to choose forgivness. Wow, that feels good. I feel lighter already. God sure is a miracle worker because I love a good grudge. I've been praying for miracles. They're just coming in different forms. Although you should know I have been able to get out a little bit more and I am SO excited for that. God's doing a big work, I need to get out of the way and let Him.
Love,
-Sheryl
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Father's Day?
I've never been sure how I feel about Father's Day. You see, I lost my dad when I was just a 9 year old girl. I remember those father/daughter dances where I had to get a "stand in" daddy because I didn't have one. Why me? Why would I be the one to grow up without a dad. Well, just a couple years later my mom met a man. I thought he was terrific, that is until he decided he was going to marry my mom. Um...I don't think so!! For some reason they decided I was not going to run the show and they ended up marrying.
Many years I carried around anger, bitterness, hatred toward this man. There was no reason for it except that he wasn't my "dad". It took me a long time and I mean a LONG time to finally realize what a blessing we had been given. He had been married before and had lost his wife. They were unable to have children. So, instead, he got stuck with the three of us. Who in their right mind would marry someone with a 13 year old boy, 11 year old girl and 5 year old boy. (Guess my mom was really somethin') But boy he loved us, just like we were his own.
He has been such an example to me of unconditional love. Even though he got nothing in return from me, but grief, he kept on loving. He is the greatest dad anyone could ask for. He is a "papa" that any grandkid would dream of. And right now, two of his grandchildren (my kids) are without their dad. He is being a dad to them in every way he can be without overstepping. I pray that some day my kids will want to see their dad but for now they know they have the unconditional love of their papa.
One last thing...because of seeing unconditional love in the flesh, I was finally able to believe in God's love. It wasn't an easy road or a short one but I did get there. This man, my dad, gave up his life to be what we needed. Jesus gave up His life to give me life!
I love them both. My dad. And my Heavenly Father.
Many years I carried around anger, bitterness, hatred toward this man. There was no reason for it except that he wasn't my "dad". It took me a long time and I mean a LONG time to finally realize what a blessing we had been given. He had been married before and had lost his wife. They were unable to have children. So, instead, he got stuck with the three of us. Who in their right mind would marry someone with a 13 year old boy, 11 year old girl and 5 year old boy. (Guess my mom was really somethin') But boy he loved us, just like we were his own.
He has been such an example to me of unconditional love. Even though he got nothing in return from me, but grief, he kept on loving. He is the greatest dad anyone could ask for. He is a "papa" that any grandkid would dream of. And right now, two of his grandchildren (my kids) are without their dad. He is being a dad to them in every way he can be without overstepping. I pray that some day my kids will want to see their dad but for now they know they have the unconditional love of their papa.
One last thing...because of seeing unconditional love in the flesh, I was finally able to believe in God's love. It wasn't an easy road or a short one but I did get there. This man, my dad, gave up his life to be what we needed. Jesus gave up His life to give me life!
I love them both. My dad. And my Heavenly Father.
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