Thursday, December 31, 2009

Seriously...It's Over?

Yep...I am alive. This is the longest I have ever gone without writing a new post. As you know, I don't post just to have something to write. Here I sit not knowing what I am going to say, but I know I'm supposed to write.

Many thoughts have gone through my head as 2009 comes to a close. The first one was "good riddance"!! But then I had to really reflect. The year was not a fun one. My divorce was final in '09. I watched my children walk through the fire in '09. Emotions have run high. Hearts have broken. Doesn't sound like a year we would want to do over, does it?

But...I am so glad that we had 2009. Without it there would not have been growth, healing, truth, lessons learned, tears, venting, learning, new friendships, pulling together...

What a year! I don't want to do it over again but I am grateful for it. If we let HIM, God will use everything in our lives to bring good. Wow, it's been painful. It's also been one of the best years of my life. of the best. I don't like watching my son making choices that can have lifelong consequences. But I love that we can talk about everything. I don't like watching my daughter bottle up her feelings. But I love watching as God begins to peel back her protective shell until she finds her voice. I don't like going through a divorce and feeling rejected again. But I love seeing God at work in my life. Bringing the beauty from the ash.

Hard to believe that another year is gone. Please, Lord, don't let us forget all that you've taught us. Bring on 2010. I am so excited to see what God has in store. He has blessed me this year in ways that I cannot even begin to count. He is good...all the time.

Looking for more beauty as I keep letting go of the ash,

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Prayers and a Question

I want you to know that I have been praying through your comments on my last post. Daily. If there is some way that I can be praying for you, please go there and leave me a note. It really is a privilege!

There was an anonymous comment left there. I am not sure that I understand it. If you are the one who wrote it or if you think you have some insight...would you please leave me some feedback. Sometimes we leave our own words, sometimes they really are from the Lord. I'm just curious about this one.

Here is how the comment read:

Anonymous said...
About a few years ago, God began teaching me the importance of looking at my life in terms of seasons. The life we live here on earth is not a series of random events or disjointed circumstances. Indeed, there is a divine connection to our years - from the moment we were conceived, to our dying breath, there is a purpose.

As a mom-your purpose would most likely be to your children-best not to bring someone else into your lives because its just not the season-that would stop their pain and bring glory to God.To everything there is a season,A time for every purpose under heaven.~ Ecclesiastes 3:1
December 18, 2009 8:23 PM

I am in a new season. I do believe that our seasons are connected. Praying that this season is one of hope, joy and peace for each one of you.

You are loved deeply by me! You are loved completely by the Lord.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Christmas Hopes and Miracles

Edited on December 15th to add...On my sidebar for the past several months you may have seen the picture of Andrew. It is with a very heavy heart that I tell you he has gone to be with Jesus today. Please pray for his parents, his brother and his sister as they grieve. We know that God is in the miracle business. We can also know that if He chose not to heal Andrew here on earth that He has a greater purpose. But, wow, this is hard!!

Last year I wrote this post where I asked you to share what Christmas hopes and miracles you were praying for. What a privilege it was to give back in some way for all that you have given to me. You should go and read some of those comments...God answered many in huge ways.

Once again, I would love to ask you to leave me a comment about what you are hoping for. Praying for. Longing for. God is still the same god that performs miracles. He still restores. He still heals. He still provides. He still loves. He still bends near to hear us.

My hopes from last year did not "turn out" like I had planned. Some would say that God didn't answer. That could not be further from the truth. He knew just what I needed. He never left me for a second. He brought beauty from the ashes. I asked for joy. Do you know why? Because I feel that joy is something we can choose as believers. Happiness to me can be so based on circumstances. So I didn't ask for happiness...just the joy. Guess what? I got both. I have joy and I am HAPPY!!

My prayers for this Christmas would be that David and Ellie would find some healing for their broken hearts. That they would allow their dad in, even just a little. I pray that they would cling to what they know is true of the Lord. Also, I ask for continued healing of my body. For wisdom and discernment. And that God would never, ever leave me as I am.

How can I pray for you this Christmas? What are your hopes this season?

Monday, December 7, 2009



Things change so fast around here that some days I can't keep up with what's going on.

Having two teens probably has a lot to do with that. Oh....and the fact that God is moving!

It's been hitting me lately how I have spent the first 40something years of my life. I want to be intentional about how I spend the remainder of my days. Intentional about seeking God. Intentional about being content. Intentional about believing what God says. Intentional about loving on those people that God puts in my life. Intentional about being a "light".

God in His mercy is restoring the years the locusts have eaten. (Joel 2:25) What is yet to come is going to be even better than what I've experienced before. Because God is going to lead the way. I have to let Him. Can't get ahead of Him.

Please continue to pray for my kids. They struggle. It's hard. But, oh, I want them to see Jesus. I want them to see that God really is moving and healing. This life is NOT about us. As teens I don't expect them to fully grasp that, but I am praying that seeds are planted and the roots of bitterness are ripped out.

What is changing in your life? Is God restoring years to you as well?

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Though He Slay Me

I was talking with a friend tonight. About our passions. Our purpose. Joy.

She asked this question, "do you know where I want to be"? And she answered it by quoting Job 13:15. "Though He slay me, yet I will trust in Him."

Tears are streaming down my face. No matter what...I WILL trust in Him. All of life can be turned upside down. We can lose everything and everyone. But He is still trustworthy.

I am so glad to be where I am today. The illness has been awful. The divorce left me reeling with feelings of rejection. My life has been riddled with loss. It's been full, yet empty. Does that even make sense?

But I know my Savior. He is bringing more beauty into my life from these ashes than I could ever have hoped or dreamed. What I thought was going to happen - it pales in comparison to what God is doing. I could not have imagined that my life would intersect with people all over the globe. How would I know that the loss I suffered would help heal someone else's pain. Who would believe that 18 months trapped at home would prove to be the most freeing time of my life.

Only God! May He find me saying "Though He slay me, yet I will trust in Him".

(thank you, Julie!)