I'll Stand

Wow, when I get bossy, you listen!! Thank you so much. It's great to see the new faces over in the followers so that I can come by and visit if you have a blog.

Also...I cannot even begin to express my gratitude for praying for our family last week as we met for counseling. It was SO evident that God was in control. SO evident that God brought peace. SO evident that God hears the prayers of His children! I wish I could share more with you on here but I know you understand.

God is so busy working on me personally that I am having a hard time keeping up. He continues to chip away at my "rough edges" and I really am glad. I've said before that it can be painful to be refined but it's worth it.

This weekend I had the privilege and the thrill of being able to go to a simulcast of one of my favorite speakers. First of all...let that soak in. I LEFT MY HOUSE AND FELT WELL ENOUGH TO GO HANG WITH WOMEN AND LISTEN TO SOME GREAT TEACHING!! I assure you I did not take one moment of it for granted. For now I am going to process what I learned before I share it but there is one thing...

When people stand to sing, I normally will remain seated because of the "dizziness". There was a song that we were able to sing a couple of times called "In Christ Alone". I am going to share it with you here, but I have to tell you first that there is a line where I was compelled to stand. I could barely get the words out as I was overcome with emotion. The line is -

"Here in the power of Christ I'll stand"

Housekeeping

Hi all!! Just back from the beach. I know it's a tough life, but someone's gotta do it. Actually you know how much I do NOT take for granted that I get to spend time there. We are blessed to live where we do and I am overjoyed for a day that my symptoms allow me to spend time there!!

Anyway, this will be a bit of a rambling post to address a few different things.

FOLLOWERS: If you do not have your face over there to the right with the rest of the followers, will you do me a favor and become a follower? This is not just about numbers!! I will be honest and tell you that when I see the number go down, I wonder what happened? Who left? What did I do? But...there are many of you who don't comment (and that is so fine) but I like to stop by and see who is reading me. The only way I can do that is if you comment or if you're a follower. So go on over there and click the "follow" button!! Ok, thanks.

PROFILES: For those of you who are bloggers you know what your profile is. It would be a huge help if you would have your profile connected to your email. I love to reply to comments and I can only do this if you show your email in your profile. This will not show up on your blog page, but it shows when your comment comes through to me. If you don't know how to do this, here is a short tutorial:

go to your dashboard - click on edit profile by your "picture" - make sure the box next to show email address is checked

Since I have my "bossypants" hat on, one more thing. Some of you do not have comments enabled on your blog posts. I've been by and really want to comment, but it won't let me!!

What else can I tell you to do? Oh okay, tomorrow (Wednesday) night we have a family counseling session. First time (might be the only time). Please pray that God would just be "all over it". This is huge. This is not to make everything better or to reconcile. This is to learn how to still be a family that lives separately. To allow the kids to express themselves to their dad. To allow Don to show the kids how desperately he wants a relationship. To say the kids are less than thrilled is an understatement.....

Pray on!! Love you all so much.

Seeking You

Do you ever have a song that just goes through your head over and over? You even wake up with it on your mind or it plays in your dreams?

Lately, for me, it's been this song...

The words, "the more I seek you, the more I find you" - those are so true for me. I've been seeking God more in the past two years than ever before. And you know what? I am finding more of Him. He is all over IT!! What is it? He's got me, He's got David, He's got Ellie! He knows my health issues. He knows our broken hearts. He gets it.

I do want to sit at His feet. I do want to lay back against Him. His love is the only love that will truly fulfill. It's not an earthly relationship that bring any of us what we are looking for. His love is indescribable. It is a love full of peace, there is nothing self-centered about His love. He doesn't want anything in return except for us to love Him.

His love brought me to this place. Yes I mean here to blogland. You have showered my family with your love and your prayers. We would not be where we are today without you and I thank you. His love is going to see each of us through whatever comes our way.

Want to share in some of the fun things going on. I was able to take the kids shopping!! I went to David's soccer invitational yesterday!! Ellie is slowing gaining back some strength. David smiles. Counseling continues. I put my feet in the sand again at the beach. Little things - but I am praising God.

Thank you, Lord, for loving me. Thank you that you are always right here. Your eyes are always upon us. Continue to draw us closer to you. Remind us that you are the ONLY answer. Thank you for these friends that I may never meet this side of heaven.

Seeking Him...

This Boy

This boy...
chosen by God
marked for a purpose

Floundering
wondering
why and when will he know

"Don't we all have a purpose"?
Yes.
"I don't"
Oh yes son you do!!

This boy...
with a heart toward God
yet a heart overcome with fear.

A heart filled with sadness

Loss

Feeling unworthy

Questions

"I pray but

He doesn't hear me.

He doesn't bless me."

This boy

wonders what he did.

How do you tell him that he did nothing.

Wondering why he has a dad like he does

why is his mom sick

why can't he do better in school.

Why?

No answers.

But this I know.

This boy...

is loved!

This boy...

loves!!

This boy

may not feel blessed

but he IS a blessing.

This boy will be used by God.

He will have a story.

He will reach out.

This boy...

how I love him.

Thank you, God, for entrusting this boy to me.

Set Like Flint to Find the Joy

Why do we persevere through the trials?? Well I guess that really isn't an option. But we do have a choice as to what our attitudes can be while going through trials.

I am choosing joy. I am choosing to believe in the faithfulness and goodness of my God.

When I get to thinking that I have had more than my fair share of "bad" things happen - I have to stop myself. The Lord chose to save my daughter from death when I didn't even know she was at risk of dying. The Lord makes sure that my son gets "caught" almost every time so that I can try and counsel him toward a different path.

God blesses us each and every day!! Honestly I don't have to look very hard for it either. Whether it's a friend stopping by, someone calling to offer to grocery shop, the amazing sunsets we are spoiled to have here over the lake, "coincidences" happening so that Don & I can be on the same page before we need to parent together...or my mom just this very second sending me an email telling me they are coming to get me and go to DQ. NO JOKE - as I was typing this an email popped up. That might mean nothing to you, but to go for a drive with my parents to see the sunset with a mocha chip blizzard - oh the joy!!

Okay guess I have to wrap this up since they'll be here any second. Just want to encourage you to keep your eyes open to the blessings all around you. Do not let satan trip you up and distract you from what the Lord is up to in your life. (I am talking to myself here)

Because the Sovereign LORD helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore, have I set my face like flint, and I know I will not be put to shame. (Isaiah 50:7) I pray the LORD finds me with my face set right up against His, pressing on...finding the joy like these two kids of mine!! Life isn't what they want it, they wonder why they can't catch a break...but they are still "living life"...

Have We Reached the Bottom Yet

UPDATE: I am adding this because my sweet friend Beverly asked about Ellie. She is progressing fine and as far as we know she is on a slow road to recovery. We are very grateful!!

I just read over my past several posts. Comical! In a few of them I talk about how I didn't think things could get any worse and then...wham! I am going to stop writing those posts because we just keep getting hit.

Since I do not have as much freedom in my writing as I used to (as there is someone trying to use my words against me) I am not able to tell you details of what is going on around here. But please know that we need your prayers like never before. Isn't that hard to believe? It's been two years that we've been walking this path and it is worse now than ever.

That's gotta be good!!

God is up to something big and I am going to rejoice in God my Savior (my verses from Habakkuk). He is doing things I never thought possible. He is the provider of all good things. He is watching over David. He is healing Ellie's body. He is giving me some really great days physically. He is providing a godly counselor for our family. He loves us.

HE LOVES US!!

Even as it feels like we are falling further and further into chaos...somehow God is making all things new. That's it! In order for each one of us to be who God has called us to be-He has to make us new. Being made into entirely new people is painful. But, oh, is it gonna be worth it!!

Have we reached the bottom yet? Cuz I cannot wait to see the beauty.

Which Road?

Tired of taking the high road.

I used that phrase the other day with my friends that I have been doing Bible study with. That was a phrase that I used to use often. It seemed like I was always the one who took the high road. Seems like I am still the one who often takes the high road.

What brought up this conversation between us the other day? Well as were finishing studying Mark one of my friends read to us from the notes in her Bible. It said that Mark is a book about His (Jesus) power as well as His servanthood. I loved that. Jesus chose to put on servanthood so that each one of us would have the opportunity to know His Father!! We were more important than Jesus getting His way or not having to do what someone else should have done or being ridiculed. Jesus took the "high road" for me.

Even with all of His power, He put on humility so that I could have eternal life. So that I could have forgiveness of sin. So that I could have peace. So that I could have someone to call to any time I choose. He was not worried about how many times He had to turn the other cheek.

I got to thinking that instead of being frustrated that I always have to take the high road, I should be grateful. Grateful that I even have the desire to "do right". Grateful that I have a God who equips me to do things and act in ways that are completely out of my human power.

If HE who knew no sin would take on sin for ME....how can I not desire the "high road" so that those around me might come to know HIM as well.

Lord, thank you for the paving the way ahead of me. Thank you for your example in your Word. Thank you for walking each step of this road with me. Even when I take the "low road".

It's A WHAT????

14 years ago today the midwife said, "It's a girl"!!!!

HUH? It's a what?

Sure enough she was a girl alright. Wasn't expecting it. Even the midwife was surprised. I remember shaking my head in disbelief. I really thought I'd be having another boy. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't disappointed, just shocked.

It's hard to believe that Ellie turns 14 today. Seems just like a couple months ago I was writing a post that she was becoming a teenager. Where does the time go? It keeps going faster and faster.

Today, I don't take it lightly that Ellie is celebrating her birthday. As most of you know, she was quite sick over the past couple of weeks and spent a night in the hospital. What I didn't tell you (because I didn't want her to read it here before talking with her doctor) is how very serious it really was. Ellie was so severely anemic that it was life threatening. That's why we were not allowed to even go home from the doctor before being admitted to the hospital. Ellie was at risk of having a stroke or heart attack. I could have lost my daughter!

Thank you Jesus for sparing her. There are not words to express my gratitude or my wonder at why you have chosen to bless me.

Ellie loves the Lord. Ellie questions what He is doing in our lives. Ellie wonders why all of these "bad" things have happened in the past couple of years. I'm glad that Ellie is wrestling these things out. I pray that the trials and the blessings will build her faith in her God!!

Ellie...we are so glad that God chose to make you part of our family. Happy Birthday and we sure do love you!!