Tuesday, November 24, 2009


It's all been about love.

From the beginning...am I loved?

Am I accepted? Wanted? Heard?

Running to anything to fill that need. Anything.

Yet "anything" just leaves me empty.

Am I loved?

I settle. I compromise. I sin.

I run.

He stays. He waits.

Fear, denial and anger are my closest companions.

They don't love me. They leave me empty.

What am I missing? Who am I missing?

He waits for me.

He is God and He loves me.

I run back. I confess. I get real. I lay it down.

I believe. Finally.


"And I pray that I being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge."
Ephesians 3-17-19

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

His Hope

Have you heard the song, "The Words I Would Say" by Sidewalk Prophets? I have been listening to it a lot lately. I'm actually listening to it right now. It's almost 5:00 am. I haven't been to sleep yet. There are so many things going through my mind and my heart - it is hard to sleep. So, here I am.

Here are some of the words... "be strong in the Lord and never give up hope. You're gonna do great things. I already know. God's got His hand on you, so don't live life in fear. Forgive and forget but don't forget why you're here. Take your time and pray. These are the words I would say from one simple life to another."

Powerful words! These ARE the words that I would say to some people in my life. From my own children, to friends I know in real life to some that I have had the pleasure of meeting through this blog. Draw your strength from the Lord. Keep going back over and over and over. I know we can grow weary but if we return to the Father, He will renew our strength. It may not be on our time table. Most often it is not.

I believe in you. More importantly, God believes in you. He has a purpose for your life. Don't forget it! Keep pressing into Him. I don't say these things as someone who has it all together or as someone who has it figured out. Like the song says..."from one simple life to another".

This life of mine has been redeemed from the deepest pit of sin. I know what it's like to run from God straight toward destruction. On purpose! Please don't give up on the Lord. Cry out. He will meet you wherever you are. In whatever way you need to come to Him. Just come. Do not give up!!

There is hope in the Father. The only source of true hope comes from God. As bad as it seems...God is there and He wants to fill your life with HIS HOPE.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

All Things New

I have to start out with a huge THANK YOU to each of you. Your comments on my previous post are possibly the greatest gifts I have ever received. If you aren't one who normally reads through the comments, I would encourage you to go there and do that. You will see there what the body of Christ in action really looks like. You amaze me and I am humbled by your love for me and my family.

This is the verse that keeps coming to my mind in the middle of this night...

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:19

I have written about this verse before. Maybe several times. These past few days though...it's as if I can feel it happening. God is doing a new thing. In my heart. In my mind. In my decisions. He is making the way. It's scary, not sure where He's leading.

Physically, I've not been feeling very well. That comes with this illness. You never know when the good days will disappear for awhile. But since I've not been well I've spent all of my time at home. Pretty much alone. At first that was depressing. But when you are trapped alone, who else do you have to talk with but God?? Not so bad after all.

God is asking me to risk myself in friendships. Put myself out there. Be a better friend. That is new. God is telling me that is okay to put myself first sometimes. That is new. God is telling me that it's okay to move on. That is new. But He is also telling me, reminding me, that I will not be doing any of these things alone. He will make a way. He will bring water in the desert.

Make me new and bring on the new thing....

Thursday, November 5, 2009

And God...

I never cried with anyone about my marriage ending.

Not a soul.

I didn't sit with someone and talk about it and cry. Nobody hugged me and told me they were sorry. No tears were shared.

I am not saying that I didn't cry. I'm saying that I have done it alone. It's almost 2:00 in the morning and I find myself crying in my pillow again.

Why? Why alone?

Part of it (I think) is because it was a slow process and I didn't really think it would happen. Denial? Maybe. But I truly thought God was going to knit our family back together. So I never really took the time to grieve along the way. I didn't believe we'd be divorced.

The other thing is...my biggest fear in life has been being alone and unwanted. If I cried and really let go then I would be admitting that my fear was coming true. Well, I am alone and he doesn't want me. And I need to cry. I need to mourn. I don't want it to be this way.

But it is. And God knew. And God heals. And God hears my cries. And God stores my tears. And God never leaves me. And God wants me. And God will never tire of my cry for restoration. And God loves. And God plans. And God holds me. And God is faithful. And God redeems. And God never forgets. And God cries with me. AND GOD IS!