I never cried with anyone about my marriage ending.
Not a soul.
I didn't sit with someone and talk about it and cry. Nobody hugged me and told me they were sorry. No tears were shared.
I am not saying that I didn't cry. I'm saying that I have done it alone. It's almost 2:00 in the morning and I find myself crying in my pillow again.
Why? Why alone?
Part of it (I think) is because it was a slow process and I didn't really think it would happen. Denial? Maybe. But I truly thought God was going to knit our family back together. So I never really took the time to grieve along the way. I didn't believe we'd be divorced.
The other thing is...my biggest fear in life has been being alone and unwanted. If I cried and really let go then I would be admitting that my fear was coming true. Well, I am alone and he doesn't want me. And I need to cry. I need to mourn. I don't want it to be this way.
But it is. And God knew. And God heals. And God hears my cries. And God stores my tears. And God never leaves me. And God wants me. And God will never tire of my cry for restoration. And God loves. And God plans. And God holds me. And God is faithful. And God redeems. And God never forgets. And God cries with me. AND GOD IS!