Friday, July 25, 2008

Here We Go Again

This is one of those posts (once again) where I am compelled to write, but I don't know what. That's when I really know God is teaching me something or showing me something. So, you're along for the ride and will learn with me I guess!!

Don (my husband) has been gone for 5 months now. Honestly, the time has flown and that in itself is a little scary to me. You would think the days would be dragging by and I would be missing him and sad. I don't know if it's God's mercy that the sadness hasn't set in, if I was just ready for the heartache to stop or if I am once again stuffing how I feel. I'm asking God to reveal Himself to me and if there is anything that needs changing in my heart, I want to know.

This is what I do know...God is softening my heart towards Don and I want to cry out "stop it, please don't make me go there". But HE knows best and I will follow -maybe with a little kicking and screaming. For some reason I have found myself defending Don lately. (you know how it's okay for YOU to say something bad about a family member, but nobody else better do it?) Well, that's me right now. I am seeing him as a hurting man who needs Jesus. He is trying with the kids, he really is. It may not be what I would do but it is what it is. And yet the kids don't respond. There's been a little movement but they still haven't seen him. Honestly, I think he deserves their time and they need to see him. That is when I wonder "who am I, and who has overtaken my body?"

Please pray for Don that He would come to know Jesus. Pray that God would reveal Himself. That Don would put his guard down long enough to let the Healer in. He needs healing. But don't we all? I love my husband, I just don't love his behavior. I love my children's father, I just don't like how he parents. Well I am not the judge! Who cares if I like it, I am still called to pray! I cried today for him. My heart breaks for him and not so much for myself. Yes, I miss him, yes it's lonely, but he is a broken man. I have the assurance that I am a child of The Most High God who is slowing putting the pieces of my life back together.

Soften me Lord. Give me a heart of compassion. Take away my pride. (oh I hate it) Put me back in that refiner's fire for another opportunity to look more like you. I feel it happening deep in my soul, something is shifting. I am scared but I know you are in it. Wherever you are is where I want to be.

These are the verses God has shown me over and over from Isaiah 40:28-31...Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

HE does not grow weary. His understanding we cannot fathom. He will give us strength and power. I can soar on wings like eagles, I can run and not grow weary if I hope in the LORD.
I want to place my hope in the LORD, how about you?


27 comments:

UL Cards Fan said...

My dear Sheryl,
Once again your thoughts have left me in tears. Right before I read this post I had thought about forwarding today's message from Max Lucado but I thought maybe you wouldn't want me to. After reading this post I know that it was God telling me to forward it. Love you and now praying for Don in a new way- as the hurting, not as the hurter. Love you tons. Linda

Paula (SweetPea) said...

Beautiful post, Sheryl. My heart is with you. You know I've been praying for you and for Don's salvation ever since I "met" you in blog land. I don't even remember how we met now but I know my heart has been with you on this journey. We do share the similarity of a broken marriage. I am much like you as I defend Chris and my heart truly breaks for him. I know I'll be okay but I'm fearful of this Christian man who feels he's right with God and has been so gravely deceived by the enemy.

I believe with all my heart that God will intervene on our behalf and heal the men in our lives. You know how long I've been waiting. Beloved has been gone for 13 months and 3 days but who's counting. Actually, I just now had to count to know. It's been legal for seven months. I just know the Lord is going to come through for us.

I think it is wonderful that you are defending Don, especially to your children so that their hearts will be softened. Don should be "judged" (for lack of better word) based on his relationship with them and not you. Make sense? You are right his parenting skills may not be what we or others would do but if he's making the effort, praise the Lord. Maybe the healing of father and child relationships will slowly bring healing to the husband-wife relationship. And don't forget, regardless of what the court system MAY say one day, that is only in the world's eyes. We follow God's eyes and God says we are both still married regardless of what a judge puts on a piece of paper. Period!

You are precious, Sheryl. You are a blessing, true and genuine.
Email me sometime.
Love,
Paula

Technonana said...

Sweet Sheryl... I am praying for all of you in this time of pain and misunderstanding... may you know God's heart in this matter...
AND yes sweet one.... everyone needs Jesus!!! (2Chronicles 20:15)
Love You!!

Suzanne said...

Again, beautiful words. Sounds to me like you have already been softened and you are soaring in your faith.

Continuing to pray for you and for Don.

Love,

Suzanne :)

Jenn said...

Sheryl, You are amazing. Even when you aren't sure what you are going to write, you write an awesome post with outstanding insight. I will be praying for your husband, children and you.

Kim said...

Isaiah 40 is one of my ALL time favorite verses, and I too...am claiming it in my life right now.

Sheryl~God see's your tender heart.....and he IS doing a work. Often, we think it's work in others that needs to happen (and it does), however, God is more interested in our heart condition.

You are being so wise...to seek him "refiner's fire"...for when you are in the fire, his image will be etched so gently into your heart....and you'll only reflect him.

I'm learning that brokenness....humility......and surrender...WILL lead to holiness...and holiness is reflecting HIS image!

Bless your sweet heart for your open, honest, and transparent post.

I'm praying.....
Kim~

Michelle Bentham said...

Funny that you would pop in over at my blog tonight of all nights when I am writing a lesson about Forgiveness and Judgments... Things that make you go HMMMM!

It takes the power of Jesus through the Holy Spirit for us to forgive others is Point #4 (Matthew 18:20, John 20:22-23), and Point #6 is Forgiveness means fully releasing the judgments we've made against others or ourselves. (Mark 11:25) Pastor Jimmy Evans (Marriagetoday.org) sas, "Forgiveness does not make them right, but it sets you free."

Point #7 is Forgiveness fress us to be gracious, offer comfort and encouragement to those who have hurt us. (2 Corinthians 6:7)

Point #10 is my favorite though - "It gives Christ FULL REIGN in our hearts." (Colossians 3:12-15)...

Anyway - those are the highlights... and this little nugget - Forgiveness keeps Satan from getting the advantage over us.

I have more, but I will end the "lesson" for now. I just can't help it. The Holy Spirit just kept tapping me on the shoulder as I read your post. I pray this divine appointment indeed blesses you. I'll be praying for your husband, your marriage and most of all for God to heal and reconcile all that needs to be healed!

Blessings to you - I am working out my details, but I think everything is good for San Antonio as of right now. I have a room on Thursday and will be coming in and going out by Train! I can't wait now that you have written your wonderfully curious message over at my post. Love you already!

Blessings.

Joyfulsister said...

Hi My sister (( Hugz))))
The more I read your posts the more I see you transforming into the likeness of Christ. The holy spirit is doing a mighty work within you. You could have given up, and allow defeat or depression to have victory over your circumstances, but instead you have been encouraging others and sharing your heart, and you are so genuine, that is why you are able to be used by the Lord for such a time as this. God wants you to continue to long for his presence, he wants you to find fulfillment in him, and nothing else. He wants you put all your hopes and dreams in his hands, and to look to him to meet all your needs. In return he will fill you with nothing but himself full to the brim and overflowing with his everlasting Love, that you will pour out unto all who you encounter, even Don. Hugz Lorie

juliekg122 said...

Sheryl,
It's so hard to let go of when you've been hurt isn't it? I'm so glad that God is doing a work on your heart even though it's a tough place to be. You are becoming more like Him through. Don't fight it, continue to be the example for your kids. I continue to pray for you and the kids and for Don's salvation.

Love,
Julie

Laura said...

Sheryl,
Girl.. I just love ya..
Your blog just shows me how much God continues to work in the lives of his children. For you to realize that your husband is in pain and that your heart breaks for him shows of the compassion in your heart.
I pray that God continues to soften your heart and that he would guide you. He loves you, you are his own.
Love ya
Laura

Dancin' Wallflower said...

My sweet friend,
Your healing is present and I am thankful for you!! You have a tremendous spirit. God breathe spirit which he promises you that He will be glorified through you!!
Love ya to the stars,'
Kim

A Lamp Unto My Feet said...

Hi Sheryl,
Your post is really touching. I will be honored to pray for your husband. You could have been very bitter towards him instead you look behind that and sees his pain. That is the work of Christ in your life. It is the love of God that has been poured out into your heart that can allow such compassion on your part.

You do have a heart of compassion. And I so wish I could give you a big hug.

I have been praying for you since I read about your illness. Thank you for always stopping by my blog.

Amy said...

Blessing me again tonight as i read your post. The Lord is doing something wonderful in your life. Thanks for sharing your heart.

His Girl said...

wow, girl! I just got all caught up on your blog and am impressed to see what God is doing in your heart! What an amazing journey you are taking at such an amazing pace!

Glory to God!

UL Cards Fan said...

Like the new picture. If I ever post again you can comment and I will have 3 different Sheryls.
Love, LINDA

Anonymous said...

Sheryl

Your words paint a beautiful picture of a woman with a soft and kind heart. Although this woman is hurting right now, she still has compassion and love for others.

As I read your posts, I see that you are becoming stronger and more like Christ. You will weather this storm and we are all here to rally around you Sheryl.

Take care,
Denise in Texas

Yolanda said...

Sheryl,

I continue to pray for you and your children, as well as for Paula.

There is just something about realizing how valuable another is, when we can look at them through the EYES OF JESUS.

Distance, certainly causes us to do that. I've been there. Thanking Him today!

Love to you,
Yolanda

tiggerdaisy said...

Great Post!

By the way, you've been tagged! Hop on over to my blog to find out more!

Prayers and blessings,
Rebecca

Pamela (MrsJoeB) said...

Oh Sheryl. He will carry you through this and it is my prayer that Don will come back and he wil come to know our Jesus. I am so sorry but your heart is in the right place. I have walked in these shoes and as much as you would like to fix it or retaliate over the bad choices you have to keep focused on Jesus and let Him handle it. We don't always see His work right away but He does come through for us in His timing. Keep that gentle compassionate heart for everyone involved.

In His Graces~Pamela

Mary said...

Your post is a real blessing and I know that God will continue to soften your heart and give you love, for love never fails!
A real spiritual growth is taking place in your life and is truly giving you "beauty for ashes".
May you feel the love and prayers that are all around you.
I love the scriptures that you quoted from Isaiah.
And, yes, I too, am placing my Hope in the Lord

"My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus name.
On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand. "

mary

p.s. I'm glad I made you laugh. :)

Jan and Tom's Place said...

Good Afternoon Sheryl,

I just "happened" (not really, I feel God sent me) upon your blog today for the 1st time! I'd been at my friend Tammy Marcelain's blog...and she had a post about another Tammy and I viewed her blog and then found yours.

You are an incredibly wonderful God-filled woman!! Amazing, comes to mind!!

Have a blessed day!!

Jan

ps...I'll be back to visit again and by the way...where in Michigan are you? I'm in the southeast corner, in Temperance.

Jules (Sporty Mama) said...

Sheryl,

What a beautiful post! I just want you to know that I am praying for you and for Don and his salvation. Thank you for posting those wonderful words from Isaiah. I know prayer moves mountains in this kind of situation. You are a true model of Christ's forgiveness.

Julie Anna

iteachpe said...

Wow-I know-you are having a heart attack right now. Not only did I visit and read but posting too! Ha miracles don't cease and after reading your post-I see that! To watch you transform over the past several months (since that is how longI hae known you) to who God is wanting you to be-one that has compassion for her husband instead of bitterness is amazing. And not only a positive attitude toward your husband but our illness too. Thank you for your honesty and willingness to share with us. God is amazing!!

Katy Lin :) said...

wow. thank you for being so transparent. i am so encouraged by your willingness to let God do the work in this situation. you will be in my prayers (i found you thru jan & tom's place)

Dancin' Wallflower said...

Sheryl,
Your words move my soul to the core!! Nicole C Mullen's song One Touch comes to mind. That woman with the issue of blood was completely poured out and look how Jesus used her. God is truly going to bring a blessing through you for many. I am blessed by your presence in my life. Changing daily from glory to glory.
Love you to the stars,
Kim

Kay Martin said...

Sheryl, don't give up. God is faithful to the prayers of a loving covenant spouse. I prayed for many decades before my husband fell in conviction with a repentant heart wanting the all of God. I prayed, "Whateve it takes" for years with no evidence. I won't go into the extremes God trusted me with this truth, but the witness of my stand is now what God is using to encourage others.

One thing God gave me early on was the "seeing" of my husband redeemed and whole when nothing looked that way. I pray for God to bless you with the vision...when you can see with the eyes of faith the going is possible with joy.

Vikki said...

praying for continued wisdom, strength and healing for you. God's love and grace are definitly shining through you