Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Tearing

Our counselor told us that when there is a divorce, it's like a "tearing". It's not like a cut where it's easier to see how the pieces go back together. This is a tear. Rough edges. No way to put it back together to look anything like it did before.

Our family has been torn in the process of two people divorcing.

As hard as I try we keep taking one step forward and then five steps back. OH my flesh wants to give up. I don't want to be the "good guy" any more. I don't want to be the one who keeps all my feelings inside. (and a few cuss words!!) It's tiring, it wears me out. I believe I wrote a post about being the one who always takes the high road. I'm weary of walking that high road alone.

BUT GOD!

He is walking it with me. I've just spent the past half hour locked in my bathroom, bawling and crying out to God who I know is walking this with me. Why is HE allowing one person to inflict so much pain? Why won't HE (God) let us catch our breath before the next wave hits us? I don't know the answers to those questions, but I do know that God loves my kids more than I do. My head knows that, it's hard to fathom.

God is traveling this road with us. Before us. Behind us. In us. When we hurt, HE gets it.

Please pray for my little family of three. The tearing is excruciating right now.


33 comments:

The Blue Sparrow said...

I am so sorry that your hurting like this right now. I am sending prayers your way asap!

ShEiLa said...

I am so sorry...
I can only imagine your pain. Tearing is alot worse than cutting. Unless its cutting the apron strings ;) kidding of course. Just trying to lighten load. Go over to my fb post and watch a little boy in a red shirt dance your blues away... it won't fix your problem... you will just get to swtich gears for a moment or two.

RE: the it could be worse statement... WE have a relative right now about 30'ish (she might be 35) that was diagnosed with cancer several years ago... (26). About 6 months ago her kidneys failed and she has been on dialysis 8 hours a night 7 days a week... the other day she was diagnosed with congestive heart failure... That is another example of it could be worse.

For now I will keep my own problems and pray for those that are fairing far worse than I.

ToOdLeS.

Kim@Seasons of My Heart said...

Oh friend~
You are so right that a tear is much harder to heal...than a cut. YET...with God at our side...he will with much love and compassion, begin to stitch the tear together. And, after time...and after healing...the scar will remain, but it will be a reminder of that which our Savior did.

Transformation is so tough...YET..you are on the right path as you walk with the Savior...day by day...sometimes moment by moment..allowing HIM to pour his sweet healing balm...over your dry and parched soul.

Stop by...I do believe my post today will encourage your heart and soul!

<3

C.C. and Double T said...

Sheryl,

I am so sorry. I understand how "feelings" can get in the way of what we want to do and how we want to be.

It's only been 2 days, but the whole "joy" thing at Holley's site is really doing something for me. I don't know, but it changes what you think about and puts your focus in the right place. It might be worth a try for you?

I am praying for you. I really am.

C.C.

Courtney and the Boys said...

Praying, my friend. God is using you in such a wondrous way. Love you.

Sheryl said...

It does seem as if the difficult times come likes the waves in the ocean. Those waves come fast and can knock you down.

I'm praying for you, my sister.

Sheryl

Emily said...

Sheryl...oh Sheryl. I love you so much and I'm sorry to hear how things are going. You are in my heart and in my prayers.

Paula (SweetPea) said...

Love the visual of divorce being like tearing and not cutting. That is SO true. The tears can last a lifetime. Being divorced and a child of divorce there's always things that we never know if it's because of the divorce impact.

Okay, I truly didn't mean to rattle that but just agreeing the tears are so painful.

Serenity said...

Sheryl,

I won't send any words from me (you do have my thoughts and prayers)...Instead I will leave you with this...

Psalm 71:20-21

You made me suffer a lot, but you will bring me back from this deep pit and give me new life. You will make me truly great and take my sorrow away.

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

Tearing sucks.

It's the truth, and I'm so sorry you are experiencing the whole thing.

I had a friendship tear apart once, and I swear it felt like a divorce.

Hang in there girl.

Farmgirl Paints said...

Oh girl I can't even imagine. A tear sounds sooo much more painful...I'm sorry. Prayers going out to right now!

nancygrayce said...

Having been through a divorce with two children too, tearing is the right word. But you're right, God is right there with you and your children! Sometimes it doesn't seem so, but He is! praying.

Susan said...

Oh girl, sending you hugs prayers to our Father.

He & Me + 3 said...

I am so sorry. YOu are so right, God knows & He loves those kids & you so much. He doesn't allow us to go through anything without reason. I am praying for you and the kids.
Hugs,
mimi

Laura said...

I am so sorry that things are so difficult right now. I have no idea what it must be like for you cause I have never been in your place but I am praying for you and you are never far from my thoughts right now.

Praying for you...
Laura

Anonymous said...

Sheryl,

Directly you are a "little family of three"....but indirectly, because you have chosen to open up your life to all of us out here, you have gained a huge family of prayer warriors! We care about you and your little family even though we may never have met...maybe this is one way God manifests Himself? Anyway, praying for you and yours. Hang in there,

Hugs,
JB

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

My heart just breaks for you....I am reminded of how much I take for granted in my family. Praying that a new day is just arouond the corner....and many smiles and laughs.

Michelle said...

I am so sorry that you are having such a horrible time. It does my heart good to hear that you know that God is with you...and is FOR you...and has you in the palm of His hand. As for the why? Dangit if He didn't give us all free will...including your ex. You have to believe that this is NOT how God intended it. Free will took over...and left a tidal wave of pain and heartache in it's wake. God loves you...and He has this amazing ability to take what the enemy meant for harm and turn it into something beautiful. We never know how that is going to look...we just have to trust God and tether ourselves to Him...in the good times and the bad. Psalm 37 came to my mind....maybe you'd like to read it? -Michelle http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2037&version=NIV

Transparent Mama said...

Jesus- We trust right now that YOU and only YOU can heal the tearing, can heal the jagged edges of our friend. May she feel Your presence, feel Your hope, be in Your arms and be strengthened. In Your name- Amen

Heather of the EO said...

Sheryl, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine what that tearing must be like.

Peace to you and yours,
Heather

Technonana said...

Praying for you my sweet friend!!!

Elise said...

Hello, you have the most fabulously wonderful site here and I had to leave this comment for you ! Your posts are beautifully written, creative and original too, and you have interesting pictures.

It's all perfect !

Thank you for sharing your site and best wishes.... 'Happy September'....

Beautiful Pear Tree Lane said...

Sheryl,
I sooooo love you and never leave here without you challenging me to re-examine my self and my relationship with God. You are such an inspiration to all of us , and i know I am always telling you this, but it is so true!
There are a lot of things that happen to us in life, and I don't know why, trust me I have talked to God about them so many times and I know He must have a recording on. But He always gives me the same answer TRUST ME!!

And you are so right God does Love David and Ellie more than you, and as a mother we can't even imagine someone loving them more than us.

You probably don't even know how by you sharing your situation and how God has directed you the people that have been helped by this. I find that most people find it hard to talk. So dear friend Keep Trusting and Believing and keep writing and keep telling of His goodness!
Remember I am praying!
Blessings,
Sue

I apologize I thought i was already listed in the follower widget,please forgive me!

Just a little something from Judy said...

I have seen this process so often. I have seen the "tearing"...I have seen the deep heartache that it causes. Your counsler is right. I don't know first hand that hurt, but I do know I am hurting with you. By you sharing your heart, I believe many others are being helped in some way or another. I wish so badly that I could do something to make it all go away for you. I can pray that God will continue to carry you all through the fire. I will continue to pray.

Pam said...

oh man... way too familiar... i hear you... ((((hugs))))

Amrita said...

Prayers and hugs for all ofyou.

His Girl said...

Hating that it's another sucking season for you, but feeling hopeful that there are major blessings ahead...

and praising God that He sees around the corners!

victoria said...

Sheryl, I'm so sorry you are hurting and going through divorce. I know it's so rough for all involved. I'll be praying for you!

Angela said...

Oh Sheryl. I know that this tear must hurt on so many levels. I will be praying for you.

I know that this won't fix anything, but I wanted to encourage you in that my parents went through a nasty, nasty divorce when I was six. Then, they lived a nasty life in re:to each other for YEARS. As hard as it was for me, God used it for His good in MY life. I know that I love deeper and stronger, because of what I went through. God will use this for HIS good in the lives of your babies. He will because, like you said, He loves them even more than you do.I will be parying that the Lord will comfort your heart and sustain you. In hindsight, I know that the Lord kept His promise to me- He never left me or forsaked me, EVER. I am praying that His presence in your life will be palpable.

So,SO glad to meet you and pray with you friend :o)

~Angela

Cheri' said...

Sheryl, my heart breaks for you and your family! I have and will continue to pray for all of you. Please know that God "sees" you and your children and cares so deeply for all of you. His Father's heart breaks for you at this time in your lives. I am praying for deep healing in all your hearts as you move through this time in your lives. You are a precious woman and I deeply appreciate your heart and insights!
Sending you love and hugs and prayers from afar!

Jenn @ A Country Girl's Ramblings said...

Sheryl, so sorry for the pain, anger and sorrow you are having to deal with right now. I can't even begin to imagine the intensity of it all. But, I am praying, lifting you and your children up to the Lord and His mercy.

Jill said...

Sheryl,
Found you from you finding me on bloom. Just read your most recent entry. And some about you and your illness. I am sorry for your pain and heartache but am already encouraged by your words. Just in the name of your blog alone...I struggle so much with feeling "trapped" at home. I am going to go read more now.

alece said...

i'm so sorry for your pain... for all that you are grieving...