My Son

It's your birthday and I know I am supposed to be giving you a gift (and I just might), but first I wanted to tell you what a gift you have been to me!

This mom could not have asked for a better son. David, you are a joy!! I know that the past couple of years have been beyond tough. You, however, have grown into such a wonderful, strong, compassionate, loving young man. I could not be more proud.

I mean that. I am proud of you! You've questioned God. I know that. It's not a bad thing to question. But please keep your heart open to Him. I know that you gave it to Him as a young child and I know that He has great things in store for you. One day you will be able to reach those who are hurting. You have a heart that longs to help and to heal.

These 17 years have been such a privilege for me to be your mom. I don't know why God chose to bless me with you, but I sure am glad he did.

You are loved more than I could ever put into words.

Happy Birthday, David! I pray that God blesses you with the best year yet.

With all of my heart...I love you.
~mom

I Got What I Needed!

There is something so sweet about getting what you want after you've gone through the process of finding out exactly what you need.

This was a profound statement by a young friend of mine named Sadie. I was reading her blog as she was sharing pictures and a story of how people have waited & waited for what they wanted. (Click here if you want to go visit her). I'm not sure she realizes just how profound this sentence is though.

All of my life I have been chasing after what I thought I wanted. Losing my dad at a young age left a huge hole. I wanted to be needed, valued, taken care of. The thought of being alone brought on much anxiety. Wow did I chase after all the wrong things thinking it would be the answer to what I wanted.

Losing so much over the past 2 1/2 years has been heartbreaking and difficult. My health, my husband leaving, my family falling apart...

Losing so much over the past 2 1/2 years has shown me that what I wanted all my life would never be fulfilled by other people or life circumstances. I could only find that peace in Jesus. What exactly did I need? I needed to find my worth in God alone. He values me. He longs to take care of me. He wants me.

I have gotten what I wanted. It just looks completely different than I ever dreamed it would. Ya know what? It's better. It lasts. It's the real deal. IT is the unfailing love of my Savior. The joy that can only be of Him. Peace unexplainable.

Thank you, Lord, for not letting me be satisfied with what I thought I wanted. Thank you for refining me until I got what I needed!!

HE is Moving

Hey everyone!! Yes, we are alive and we are WELL!

When I wrote my last post and pushed publish I debated for a bit about whether to leave it. It was raw and written very quickly. When I went back to decide if I was going to take it off, there was already a comment. Then I knew I needed to leave it.

Later that same day (the same day I wrote that post) things were going so great I felt silly for having all of you reading it. I thought to myself "well, that passed and it's not even where we are any more". God got my attention. He ever so politely told me that it was because I had written it and because YOU HAD PRAYED that things were better. Ya see, I am a bit slow - duh God - THANK YOU!

As our little of family of three, there are many days that we are simply unable to pray for ourselves. It is then that I know you are stepping in and standing in the gap praying. There aren't words to express what that means to us & for us.

God asked me the other day what it is that I really want. If I were to pray for the real desire of my heart, what would it be. The answer popped into my head immediately. I want healing for my family so desperately that it takes my breath away. When there are so many days like I wrote about it in my last post it is easy to take my eyes off of Jesus and focus on what I see. What I see seems like an impossible situation.

Just the kind of situation that Jesus loves. Because when the miracle happens, it will be obvious who gets all the glory!!

Thank you for your friendship and your prayers. Thank you for your part in the miracle that we are believing for. Through the power of your prayers, God is moving.

Be Near

We are hurting today.

Broken today.

Mourning what we have lost and striving to see past the pain.

It comes in waves. Overwhelms us. Suffocating.

Pain.

Trials.

Produce perseverance. Hope.

We are hoping today.

Hoping for healing.

Hoping for the tears to be wiped away.

Hanging on. Yet pushing away. Holding tight while letting go.

Broken yet hopeful.

Lord God...be near today. We need you.