When things in my life get too overwhelming, I tend to retreat. I suppose it's a form of denial. Denying that there are issues. Of course by retreating I am only making situations worse. They just pile up one on top of the other.
My absence here is a telltale sign that I have been retreating. And to be really honest, I also retreat from the Lord. I stop praying and stop reading my Bible. Yea....that does NOT help!
I read back through some past posts and I wonder, "what happened to that girl"? The girl with so much faith. The girl who relied on the Lord as if her life depended on it. The girl who knows true JOY because of her God.
Life happens and I know we all go through times in the wilderness. But I am sick of being in the wilderness! I want my focus and purpose back! Time to rally the troops. Yep, that includes you. It's been a long time since I've given you any kind of update on what is happening (really happening) in our family.
My illness is still a part of who I am. I don't want it to define me but it definitely still impacts my ability to do certain things. That gets frustrating and depresses me. I want to focus on how far God has brought me. From being bed bound to being able to participate in life most of the time!
David and Ellie still will not speak to their dad. We had a huge set back over the Christmas holiday. However....are you ready for how God works in some very bizarre ways in my life? Don's girlfriend (who had NOTHING to do with the break up of our marriage) wants to help in anyway that she can to bring about some resolution between Don and the kids. She came to my home the other day and stayed for two hours. God is going to use her to help bring healing. I just know it. She is an amazing person. I say that I want nothing more than for Don and the kids to have a relationship but my prayer life doesn't show that. I need to be on my face begging God for that daily! Look how much God has done already.
God has worked miracles in healing my heart as well. I've a long way to go but I have hope that I haven't felt for long time. Please pray that I will stop believing the lies that satan tries to feed me. That nobody will ever truly love me. That I can't trust. That I need to be fearful and anxious about money. That David will never give his heart back to the Lord.
I know this post is just all over the place but that's what happens when I spend so much time away. When I was reading my devotion this morning (which is the first time in AGES) it led me to read Deuteronomy 11:22. Here is the part that struck me "love the LORD your God, walk in all his ways and to hold fast to him."
Hold fast to HIM!! Don't you just love that picture.