I've been having trust issues.
Major trust issues.
Not with another human being. With God. I am just flat out not trusting Him.
How do I know? Because I am filled with fear. Anxiety. Questioning. Tears come way too easily. I am easily angered. All the "what-ifs" race through my head faster than I keep up with them.
Here's the deal....I am trying to trust God for something or to do something. I am not just simply trusting Him. So when things don't go as I think I need or my kids are hurt or I am heartbroken or money runs out or my illness flares...I start believing the lies that God isn't trustworthy. Or maybe it's that I believe He isn't really listening in the first place.
Whoever said that putting our trust in God was about trusting Him to answer to US?? We trust Him because He is worthy. We trust Him because He loves us so much that He sent His Son to die so that we could have a relationship with Him. We trust Him because the Bible tells us to. We trust Him because His character has been proven. (Like He needs to prove Himself!! I have to wonder if He is shaking His head at me right now)
He is the God who heals the brokenhearted. The God who forgives EVERY sin and does not hold it against us. The God who never forgets to make the sun rise. The God who knows the number of stars and the number of hairs on our heads. He is the God of second chances (and beyond). He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is the God who holds it ALL in the palm of His hand. He is the God whose eyes NEVER LEAVE US!
That is what I need to trust. He never leaves me. There is not a moment in my day that He is not fully aware of me, what is happening, how I feel, what I need.
He knows me. And yet He still loves me!
Lord, forgive me for not trusting. Forgive my anxious thoughts. Forgive me for asking to you to prove yourself. Fill me with a renewed sense of who you really are. May I put my trust, my life, my relationships, my kids fully and completely in your hands.
You ARE worthy.
- Sheryl
- I am a mom to 2 great kids. I am a child of God who is pursuing after Him as I learn to live in my "new normal". Diagnosed with a life altering illness in June of 2007 and the end of my marriage less than a year later, life has taken a new path. One that I am learning to accept and appreciate. As my illness caused me to be basically home bound, my family named the living room couch "my perch". Thus the title of this blog.
23 comments:
Love you and praying for you and your family. So glad to see a new post. You are truly a gifted writer.
Oh Sheryl.... I love your transparency and honesty. We've all struggled with this at some point in our lives, the heat from the fire will refine us.
You're not alone.
Dear girl, you amaze me. I doubt there's anyone among the truly honest that doesn't understand completely what you're experiencing, and feeling.
I remember praying: Lord, just make me willing to be willing, because right now I just want to NOT believe.
He did. I do. And so will you.
Huge hug,
Kathleen
Total surrender can be difficult, but "totally" worth it!
Blessings and hugs,
andrea
Oh Sheryl; I needed that. That was a theme in BSF last week. And at church. And. And. And. (Can you tell this is relevant to me right now?). Love you.
Hi Sheryl..
There are times when we feel like he is so farway, and when we hurt physically due to chronic illnesses we get so tired of being sooo tired all the time, and in pain. yet we come to realize he is even closer to us at those times.
Luv ya and praying for you my sister!!!
Hugz Lorie
Hi Sweetie,
I'm sorry. I wish I knew what to say. You said it so beautifully with your last few sentences. You just have to pray and leave it with HIM. He truly knows you and loves you so much.
I think thats a huge battle in all our lives...I know it is in mine...You expressed it beautifully....Love you
embracing you in hrist
Holy Cow! (okay, I know cow's aren't holy....but I'm speechless and have so much to say at the same time!)
I "accidentally" stubbled upon "the perch" tonight. I have sat here for hours reading every word you have posted. WOW! I always knew you were special! Sheryl, I knew you pre-illness from two years of group bible study (not being specific because I wouldn't want either of us to get in trouble by breaking the rules!). For two years my impression of you was REAL, KNOWLEDGEABLE, DOWN TO EARTH, LEADERSHIP MATERIAL & GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR).
Reading what you have been thru and seeing how God IS Moving in your life has left me amazed, awestruck and humbled. There wasn't a single post that didn't speak to me/move me. Thank you for sharing your life and shining a light of truth regarding God and His character. Your transparency is a gift. Your ability to use words so honest and loving yet raw and real is a gift. I underestimated you all those years ago! God is truely completing the work He began in you! THIS, your ability to reach out, be naked in front of others and touch their lives and teach us/remind us of God's promises and His love is definitely part of His plan. It is GOOD.
God used Toby this afternoon to tell me to "GET BACK UP"! and tonight He used you to show me that it's by the power of Christ I'll Stand!
i love you sheryl
Pray your last paragraph over and over again. I'll keep you in prayer.
Hugs. Miss you.
Sheryl,
There is something that happens when we are open and honest with God. We release all those things that threaten and scare us and we bring them to light.
Remember that FEAR is only False Evidence Appearing Real. Combat all those false things and replace them with the TRUTH.
He has walked you through so much and He will continue to do so!
Its great to see you posting again!
Julie :)
Oh, Sheryl, I think this is a battle every Christian fights! With my mama in such bad shape right now and fast running out of money, I feel just like you are feeling sometimes. I say "God I believe you", then I feel the fear of not being sure. It does my heard good to know that He remembers we are dust!
Sheryl, I am so glad that I came by today and found a new post. I wish we lived by each other. What a wonderful gift you have in being transparent with your life. The Refiners Fire has been rough on us both sister, but I am more sure now than ever that we will both be found as pure gold.
Shoot me an e-mail and will have to get caught up
Susan
Praying with you and for you in this journey called life.
Thank you for this post...although it's your feelings it really puts words on how I am feeling right now in my own life. Being in my twenties is so frustrating right now...my purpose and what I feel like my calling is has become so difficult to discover. I don't even know who I am! Tears just roll down my checks daily....because I am scared and fear is overwhelming my heart. Please pray for His will and my actions to meet each other. For me to have confidence for the change I am about to navigate through.
Much love to you Sheryl!
Oh Yes My Love!!! "Lord, I believe, help Thou my unbelief."
Will always be here, praying for you!!
In Him,
Sharon
Sheryl!! so many thoughts here...
First of all, i keep hearing the song Healer (we really do have lots in common) :)
second, Daniel 9:17 "Act out of who you are, not out of what we are."
lastly, I posted Psalm 102 Sunday. It's a post called Cancer Bows (just insert vertigo where cancer is)
I love you, lady!! xoxo
Amen...I'm with you.
you are so dead on. if only there was a button to turn ME off so i can let HIM take over. sometimes i just have to tell myself to get over myself and get out of the way.
I love your transparency and honesty
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