Hello!!

Yes, we are still alive.

I actually remembered how to find my own blog and sign in.

Thing is....I do not even know where to begin writing.

If you still check in here, could you give me a little help?

Leave me a comment or shoot me an email. Let me know what you think I should write about. Or ask me a question. Or tell me your favorite verse. Or just leave me a note and let me know you are still reading.

I want to be more intentional about how I live my life and part of that involves getting back to writing.

Still seeking and SEEING the Beauty from Ashes!

Only For Me

This is just for me..... need to have a record of it here.

My Mom

Let me tell you a little about my mom. She was a "surprise" child born MANY years after her sisters. So for most of her years at home so was an only child. She was raised by parents who loved her dearly but her dad was an alcoholic who often chose the bottle over family. She has memories of her mom having to go and "get him" many times.

My mom placed her faith in Jesus as a young child and has never stopped growing in that faith. She received Christ's gift of salvation and she will be the first to tell you that she could not have done her life without him.

When my mom was 35 years old with 3 young children, her husband (my dad) died. He had battled leukemia for three years and God took him home on New Year's Day in 1974. So here she was alone...but NOT. She has amazing stories of God's faithfulness to our family during those times.

Within the next 4 years she would lose both her parents. So she really was alone and had to depend on her Lord like not many of us have to do.

God brought her an amazing man and they later married. (Mind you....I didn't think he was so amazing at the time. ha) They have been the best parents I could have ever asked for.

I know that once you are a mother you are always a mother. But during the past 4 years she has really had to take back on the role of "mothering" me. During my illness. Divorce. Loss. Financial hardships. Heartache. She has "mothered" me again. There are not words to describe how grateful I am.

One of her favorite verses is Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand".

My mom has walked out her faith every single day. She BELIEVES what she believes and it is evident to anyone who is blessed to know you.

Mom....I rise up and call you blessed. I love you!

Proof of His Blessings

I know that many of you are familiar with this song. But, please listen before you read my words...





Every time I hear that song the tears just flow down my face. Such truth. We pray for we think we need, what we think we want....but God in all His love and mercy sometimes answers in the completely opposite way.

Can I say that I sit here today grateful for this illness. Yes, grateful!! It is not easy, but I sure would have missed so many blessings without it.

I am grateful for the struggles of teenagers. Not that I wish heartache, pain, angst for my teens. But through it I know that they will be stronger. I KNOW it! They will be used of God in ways that others can't, simply because of their experiences.

I am grateful for the heartache of the past couple months since my relationship ended with "my man". Why am I grateful? Because God showed me who I am. The pain also forced me to be vulnerable with others in my life. I couldn't "stuff" this pain...it just kept coming out. Friendships have flourished like I never would have imagined! Most of all, God in His mercy, snatched me back out of the pit of "neediness" and showed me my true worth.

Blessings come in forms we never imagine. Through the loss of my dad as a child I was given the gift of the most amazing "second dad" ever! Through the loss of my health I was given the blessing of this blog and you. Even in the loss of my marriage I have the blessing of a good relationship with Don.

Through pain God can and does bless us. We need to be looking for His hand in it. He is always there. He is always IN IT with us.

I don't know what blessings you are praying for today. I don't know what hurts you are experiencing. But I do know.....that I have been in the fire and in the pit. And I can testify that GOD IS GOOD! All the time.

He really does bring beauty from the ashes....I am proof.

Sifted

Whoa!

I didn't see that coming.....

Many of you have noticed how things have changed around here at The Perch. Not the look of it but what I have to say. Which hasn't been much lately.

God allowed me to be sifted over the past 18 months. I didn't realize that is what it was until a few nights ago. My background is one of severe insecurity. I want to be chosen, desired, wanted, found beautiful. I know those are common themes among women but for me it was a stronghold. Led me to make some destructive choices. Led me to marry the wrong person because someone had chosen me.

These past four years have been the toughest of my life. Illness. Divorce. Children with deep heartache. A child making decisions with possibly lifelong consequences. Financial hardship. Loneliness. Tears.

But in that time God brought me to a place where I really sought HIM. I finally found peace and contentment in knowing that I was chosen by God. He wanted me if no man did. And I started to write. Through this blog I have made lifelong friends. I have found healing. And I believe God was using it to impact others as well.

Satan wasn't very happy about the direction my life was taking and I believe he asked God if I could be sifted. A man came along about 18 months ago....out of nowhere. I was sure he was from God because I had not gone looking. I did not "go out". I never asked anyone to find me a man. This man, who I had known years ago but not spoken to since high school came into my life and we fell in love. We talked of our future.

Guess where I found my worth? In him instead of in HIM. Those same insecurities came back. Would he stay? Would he love me forever? Was I beautiful enough? A month ago he ended the relationship very suddenly and I looked up and asked God "what was that all about"?

I cried like never before. My heart literally ached! However, when God revealed to me the other night that I just might have been sifted, things started to change. Sifting is good. It reveals how deep our faith is.(or isn't) It removes impurities. It means we are a threat to satan. I know that I need to really, really believe where my worth comes from.

A man came thousands of years ago to die for ME. Yesterday I posted a song. The irony of the song choice did not dawn on me until last night. Many years ago I did a Beth Moore study and she said that one day God would call us by a new name. She asked us to think of what that name might be and immediately the name "Beautiful" came to my mind. I have always wanted to be beautiful but now it has new meaning. I want God to find me beautiful. That my heart would be pure. That I would take Him at His word....He does love me....He does desire to spend time with me....He does think I am worthy....If no other man ever comes along may I find true love in Jesus.

You're Beautiful

God has words he wants me to share. Tomorrow. But for now He wants you and me to hear the words to this song and BELIEVE....see you tomorrow.

His Love

This is really just for me....Lord Jesus, please help me to believe, REALLY BELIEVE how much you love me. And if there is someone else out there who needs to fully understand your love....

Nothing

I keep coming here to write. And there are no words. Usually when I feel compelled to write, God just writes it for me. I have nothing. But wanted you all to know I am alive. Thanks for your loving concern. Praying that God will once again use me here. Until then...looking for the beauty from the ash.

Ash...Beauty

Ash...

It's what comes from fire

Fire hurts

It's painful

It destroys

Ash...

The leftover

All that remains

Useless

Or is it?

Ash...

What will I do with it?

Why is there even more?

When will God stop the fires?

Maybe He won't stop the refining until it is ALL ash and I realize HE IS ALL I NEED

Ash...

God promises to bring beauty from it

But I have to give it to Him

Let go

Dear God...please...bring on the beauty!

**Added 3 hours after I published..."One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock." Psalm 27: 5-6

He Calls Us

Me again...anyone still reading.

Back in the fall, I told you that I was able to go back to Bible study. We are studying the book of Isaiah for the entire year. Because of my health and family issues I have not been able to attend as often I would like. However, I am still loving picking apart God's Word and seeing what He has for me.

Here is a passage that spoke to me specifically. It is from Isaiah 40:25-26... “To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing."

There is NO equal to our God.
Nobody can be compared.

He created every single star. Do you have any idea how many stars there are? Actually nobody really knows, it is impossible. Yet, HE created every single one of them. The fact that He created them is not what really speaks to me though.

He calls them forth one by one and he knows them each by name. You know what that says to me....the stars don't just "happen" to come out every night. God calls to them. He is intentional. AND HE KNOWS EVERY ONE OF THEM BY NAME?! Incredible.

If He knows the names of the stars...how can we doubt for a second that He knows each one of us by name.

And do you see the last part of those verses? Not one of them is missing. Not one single star. To me that means that if one of His children "goes missing" or "walks away" or "needs His guiding hand" or "His loving touch"...God will use His great power and mighty strength and will keep calling out to that child by name.

I have friends and family going through heartache, carrying heavy burdens, facing big decisions, walking away from the Lord...

My friend lost the mother of his children suddenly, while she laid down for a nap.
I have a family member trying to find answers to a medical issue.
My own child has walked away from the Lord for now but has returned home to me.
Myself....I wonder if I will be ever fully healed, will I get to know the joy of marriage again, how will my little family come out of all this crisis on the other side?

Ya know what...God knows the names of the stars!!!! He knows the heart of each and every single one of His children. He is calling to us! What is he saying to you and to me?

Are we listening.......

Random While Waiting

This is going to be all over the place, so hold on!!

If you read my last post you will remember that my One Word for this year is "Healed". I committed to living as someone who has received the ultimate healing because of Christ's sacrifice on the cross. Whoa...I did NOT know it was going to be so tough. Good thing we don't know what waits for us around the corner, huh?

Last night I received an email from someone wanting to encourage me. She shared some verses that as she said "brought her spiritual strength through the darkest of times".

We are having some dark times right now. Well, they seem dark when I look at them with my human eyes. David (my son) is no longer living here. It became apparent that if I didn't take action now he might stay on the road to self destruction. So, guess where he is staying? WITH HIS DAD!! Is David thrilled about this? No. But that is not the point. He needs a good dose of "dad" in his life and we are doing what we think is best for him.

So, back to those verses that were shared with me. Psalm 27: 13 & 14 "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD".

I am believing that I will see the goodness of the LORD even in this situation. Already I see the beauty from the ash in the fact that David's dad is getting to spend time with him. He has wanted restoration of that relationship for over three years. I am not saying it is restored but it sure is a start. What satan meant for evil God will use for good.

My symptoms have been raging since the beginning of the year....where is God in that? Well, He sends people at just the right time, it kept me at home with plenty of time to pray over what to do about David, reminds me to be grateful for the ordinary....

Are you tired of waiting for God to show up in a certain situation? Guess what? He is already there! He just hasn't answered or acted in the way YOU want. Well it is not about us. It is all about HIM.

Take heart and wait for the LORD.....I am trying.

p.s. for those of you who have asked about "my man"....it was his mom that sent me those verses!!

Healed

Healed.

That is my One Word for 2011. My friend Alece over at Grit and Glory writes a blog post at the beginning of each year where she challenges us to pick our one word. I have been dragging my feet writing this post because I don't know if I will be able to follow through with living out my word.

Healed.

Isaiah 53:5 says, "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. "

Do you see that? Don't miss how HUGE that is. He was pierced, crushed, punished and wounded so that we would be healed! That is not a physical healing but something even greater. A healing of our hearts and spirits.

Healed people forgive.
Healed people love with a genuine love.
Healed people need not fear.
Healed people aren't selfish.
Healed people trust.
Healed people let go of the past and don't hold grudges
Healed people believe what God says.
Healed people don't need others to fill their emptiness.
Healed people....have so much that God has offered to us and yet we don't fully receive His gift.

Jesus did not suffer the cross that we could live lukewarm lives. He offers us peace! What would it be like to let God's peace truly rule our lives.

Tired of living wounded. I want to walk in the freedom of Jesus' healing.

Here I go...I am going to do my best to honor God's enormous sacrifice and start living HEALED.