Every time that I come here thinking I am finally going to be write something that will let you know how truly hysterical I am (and humble) God doesn't release me to do that. He and I are still on a very intense journey and that is the path He wants me to stay on for now. Trust me though, I really am hilarious!!
There are pieces of my life that I guess I am not letting God into. I am asking Him to show them to me. They need healing. As someone who "stuffs" things I think I'm doing fine and then...bam...I am overcome by some emotion I thought I had dealt with. Many of you are probably like me in that respect. Wondering, where did that thought or feeling come from? I thought that was taken care of. As I've said before, putting the band aid on it doesn't make it better, exposing it will be what brings healing.
Lord, you know what is in there. Get it out. I do not want to be in the same place spiritually a year from now. I truly do want to know, trust, love! Give me the desire to continue to know you better, so I'll trust you more and understand your love. It is unfathomable for my little mind. You have given me your Holy Spirit to help me to understand those things which are beyond me. Why do I take all that for granted Lord? Oh, I know we've come a long way and I am so grateful. But I know how much more you have for me. I want that peace and that joy and that contentment, that only You can give.
Broken pieces of my life...there are many. Sins, choices, suffering, loss, consequences. But you are putting them back together. You've shown me that. Help me to get out of the way and not to hinder your work in my life. That seems to come up over and over. Do not let me or my actions hinder what You are up to. I do not want to live in your permissive will but in your perfect will. Thank you for trusting me with this pain. You believe in me and you believe that we will come out stronger. You believe that I will be more of the child you created me to be. You're molding me and that's painful but Lord I want to say that I am willing to be willing.
Heal me Lord. The pieces. The pain. The doubt. The heartache. The sin. The brokenness. Just pieces, but in your hands...a Masterpiece. I love you Lord, thanks for taking this journey with me.