You all that have been with me over the past several months are used to me just coming here and spewing it out. That's what I'm doing again. No idea what to write yet feel compelled. I'm not sure how that works but here goes anyway.
I had two friends send books to me the other day. One is a real dear friend, the other one - well, not so much! (I am kidding, just want them to wonder which one they are). By the way I have never met either of them in the flesh. Isn't it amazing how God brings us friends that we may never meet this side of heaven? Anyway, both of these books happened to deal with loss and starting life over in your "new normal". Curious. I am several chapters into the one when I decide to just read the prologue of the other. Well what book do you think is quoted in that prologue - oh yes, the first book I am reading. Okay these kind of things have the tendency to freak me out. Like, God is literally yelling something at me and I better listen. So, I did what any reasonable woman would do and quickly slammed the book shut!
Out to my kitchen I went to do...well, nothing. And I said "okay God what are you trying to tell me, what am I missing?". I am pretty sure in my spirit He told me that there are areas I need to slow down in (the grieving process) and areas that I need to start moving forward in (my new normal). Well, they don't seem to go together but oddly I get it. My marriage is going to end (I know it's not over til it's over, but just go with me here) and I will be single. Something I have not been for a very very long time. That deserves a time of grieving and mourning. Truly to acknowledge the death of a dream and a life that I thought I would live. However, in acknowledging that I can move ahead in my "new normal". Make the plans that are necessary to be a single parent - especially one with limited physical abilities. Make the most of the life I have - it is sweet, it truly is a sweet life.
My "new normal" is one where I get to be attentive to my children more. They need me more than ever - even though they're older. They need me because they have hearts that hurt and question, but I am offered the opportunity to pour more into them. Because I'm home (all the time) they have me when they need me. I am the only disciplinarian in the house, that is not always a bad thing - embrace it. Even though single, God is providing more than our needs. I am grateful to Don for his generosity in that respect. This "new normal" means the kids ask things of the Lord they may never have had the need to ask. They can grow and learn things that most people never get the chance to learn. Sure it's through very difficult circumstances but let's look at these things as a blessing instead of a curse.
I loved my husband as best I knew how. God walked with me during some very difficult years yet continued to give me a love for Don. If it's over, I will know I did all I could. Single? Me? That is not something that sits well with me, but being single does not mean I am alone.
Mourning and rejoicing. How can they possibly go together? They can go together because God is in it. Right in the middle of each and every circumstance that comes my way. And that comes your way. I am sad yet I look expectantly toward the future knowing that my "new normal" won't be normal at all. It will be a life filled with the power of Jesus Christ! That is not normal!!