Is is possible that since I feel peace that satan is getting me to think there is something wrong with my relationship with God? Just occurred to me today. I'm not saying that there is not a struggle to pray...there is. BUT maybe I have misunderstood the peace I feel as a disconnect from the Lord, when really it is a gift from Him. I am grateful that I'm not an emotional wreck about my marriage. Yet I have been looking at that and thinking there is something wrong with me. God has given me peace about it!! Oh satan I am so tired of you and the ways you are trying to distract me from MY GOD and His purpose for my life. I'm tired of falling for it too, so I must be ready for battle and know what God has said to me and keep running to Him.
Peace is a good thing. Why have I seen it as anything other than it is. His Word says He will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast on Him (Isaiah 26:3). Why was I missing the promise. I've been intent on keeping my mind on the Lord and not my circumstances and He gave me peace. Man, I am a slow learner!! Many keep telling me not to settle for less than complete healing, that God wants it for me. As much as I appreciate that and understand that, it may not be what God has for me. So I am learning to be content. I'm not giving up on God, just trying to rest in the place He has me right now. (let me reiterate, I am LEARNING to be content...you will hear plenty of complaints in the future, I am sure)
Not being distraught over my marriage falling apart is nothing short of a miracle and a gift and once again I thought I was slipping. God is giving me peace in that as well. By no means am I saying that He does not want my marriage healed but He does want me to know His peace and I do right now. I am one who can obsess and think too much and let my mind wander to things it shouldn't. That has not been happening for me and I know that is only the Lord. Thank you for that! Oh what freedom to not be bogged down by being an emotional wreck. It's not that I don't care, it's not that I have given up, I'm just experiencing the promise of His peace.
How many times do we miss what God is giving us? This relationship between us and God is really quite simple, yet we make it harder than it was intended to be. We over analyze, question our faith, let satan weasel his way into our minds...Well I am done with that (at least for today, you know I am a woman and I'm sure I'll change my mind again) I will accept what God is giving me right now. He is giving me peace. My relationship with Him is not suffering. It is growing. It is alive. It is becoming what He always intended for it to be.
Lord, thank you for showing me today how I was believing the lies. I am in awe that you would be talking with me, yet you do that with each one of your children. Listen for Him, He is speaking. Listen only to His voice. It is still and it is small, so listen well.