Yes, I am alive!! I've been wanting to come here and talk with all of you but have struggled with the words. A couple of posts ago I wrote about "Christmas Hope and Miracles" and talked about what I was praying for and asked how I could pray for you. What a privilege that has been to ask God to bless you and to show Himself to you in huge ways. I plan on continuing to pray through those things, believing for those miracles with you.
For myself I was praying for complete healing, for Don's salvation, that there would be the beginning of reconciliation between Don and the kids and that my heart would be open to what God is asking of me. Those of who you "know" me understand that is hard for me to come and share victories because that is where satan trips me up. I don't want to speak about it because then what will I say if the miracle ends? I know, it may not make sense to you, but it's my reality. Anyway...I want you to know and experience with me the answers to your faithful prayers for us.
I believe that I am beginning to walk out my healing. This has been the best I have felt since June 2007. I did almost all of my own Christmas shopping (of course, I have someone go with me, but you know what I mean)!! I have grocery shopped a couple of times. My "bonus" daughter is here with us. Christmas was basically symptom free! I feel "normal". Yes, I feel normal. Ellie and I have been doing Wii Fit. For someone who has struggled to stand without feeling like she would pass out - stepping on the Wii Fit and actually doing it - THAT IS A MIRACLE!! My kids are sensing that they might be getting their mom back!! Praise God.
Don. Well what to say. He has been going to counseling. Yes, you heard that right. He has been going by himself to learn what he can do to have a relationship with his children. This is huge. This is God. I am so proud of him. So impressed with the way he is not giving up. God rewarded him. Yesterday, ALL THREE of the kids went with Don and spent a couple of hours just having fun. I am not saying that it is all better, but what a giant step they have taken toward healing.
Healing. God is healing me physically and He is healing my heart. The love I have for my husband right now is one that I don't know I have known before. It is not one that is missing him and wanting our family back together. But it is a love for the man. A love that cares deeply. A love that desperately wants healing for his soul. I know what the Lord is going to ask of me. I believe that He will ask it of me in this new year. Don't think I am crazy but I believe that God will ask me to take my husband back. I know I've said it here before and you know that Don has NEVER said he wants to come home. But I believe God is working toward restoration. He will not be the same man that left here in February. My heart needs to be willing to obey and be open to whatever God asks me to do. I feel movement in that direction within myself.
Scared? You better believe it! Excited to see all that God has in store? You bet! Praying that I am in the center of His will. HE is performing miracles right before our eyes. He will perform them in your lives too. Look for them. I know I will be.
HE is restoring the years the locusts ate. The years will not be wasted. Good will come. It already has.