Tuesday, February 24, 2009

One Decision, One Year Later

It is almost impossible for me to believe that it's been a year. One year ago today, Don left. We separated after being married 17 years. Now it's been an entire year of our lives that we've spent apart. An entire year that neither of us can ever get back.

It all started with one decision. In all honesty we know that a marriage doesn't end over one decision but on that particular day, it took one decision to decide to separate. That decision was mine. I made it. I suggested it. No, I demanded it. Finally. Deep down I knew that there was no way our family could heal if we stayed together. For years I had pushed that knowledge down because I didn't want to be alone. It was too scary a thought for me. For years I denied the truth that was staring me in the face. Nothing would ever change if everything remained the same. I feared that if we lived apart that I wouldn't have control (never had it in the first place). I feared that he might choose to truly walk away and not get the help we all needed. I feared that he might find someone else. I feared! All the what-ifs kept me from making a decision that so desperately needed to be made.

By no means am I saying that Don was the only one at fault. It always takes two. But I believe I enabled an unhealthy marriage to continue to die without having the courage to get it the help it needed. One decision. Can't turn back time but I wish I had made that decision years ago. Our family might still be in tact. But, here's the thing...God's timing is perfect. That decision was meant to be made on just that day.

That day. It also marks the day I said good-bye to an addiction that had held me in bondage for the 5 previous years. When I needed to escape or calm the anxiety or fill the boredom IT was there. I didn't consciously decide to put away that addiction on that day, it was just a non-issue from that point on. How is that even possible? At the time in my life when I would think I would run to it for comfort and escape, it was no longer necessary. Only God. I didn't even ask for Him to take it away. I believe He came in and filled the empty places - the places that I had thought Don would fill - the places that never got filled because it's impossible for another human to fill them. I didn't need to run to "it" any more to escape my life.

One decision. It can change the course of your life and the lives of many others. This alone time, as I've said before, has allowed me to write and to be a part of an online Bible study. I'm not by any means saying that I am glad I got separated so that I could do all these other things. But I am saying that each choice, each decision we make has purpose if we allow God into it. As I am doing the Esther study and learning how critical each step is in our destiny, I want to be sure my steps are following right behind God.

One year later, I find that the one decision has brought healing. It's not the way I thought it was going to look, but the story is not over yet. We have many more decisions to make. Lord, position me in such a way that I am pointing in the direction you want to take me. Keep me open to your calling. Fight off the bitterness that could so easily entangle. Give me a heart and a desire to pray for Don. Wisdom for each new decision. Your wisdom only.

What decisions do you need to make? Each step, each choice we make can bring us closer to our destiny. I pray that you are able to walk in the freedom of Christ, knowing that HE is the one guiding your path.

Celebrating today. NOT my separation. Celebrating a God that loves me enough to bring me peace. Celebrating a God that has given me freedom from addiction. A God that is pursuing my husband's heart. A God that will bring good from all of this. Peace. Right now, there is no greater thing.


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33 comments:

Alicia, The Snowflake said...

Thank you for sharing my friend! May God continue to lead, guide & direct you. Thank you for showing us that there are blessings even things look bleak. Thank you for being an inspiration.

Take care my friend! And know that I will continue to pray for you!

Kimberly said...

Sherly,

All I really know to say right now is WOW and Thank You. There is always Hope in the darkest hours! Learning myself that God's timing isn't ours, but always perfect none the less.

Love you so much,
<>< kb

Kim in NC said...

Sheryl,

Loved this comment by Beth on page 94 - "Sometimes we fear that fighting for what is right will kill us. Then again, it occurs to us that to stand by and do nothing out of self-preservation is to be dead already."

You have shown tremendous courage in the many challenges you have had to face over the past 20 or so months. I'm believing with you that God is going to bring great things from that one decision you made and will guide you in the many that are yet to come.

As always, your words make me think a little deeper about my life and my walk with God. Thank you for that!

Love ya'!

Cheri' said...

Your post today is AWESOME! Thank you for sharing your journey -- your life testifies of the goodness and grace of our Lord Jesus Christ! It's obvious He's doing great things in and through you!

Jill said...

Amen Sheryl!!!
what an encouraging post!!

May the Lord continue to pour down His perfect peace on you and your family as He draws each of you closer to Himself.

love you!
jill

Just a little something from Judy said...

Someday you will be able to say with Esther, that you were here for such a time as this. You opened up your heart to us. You were honest and real. Thank you for giving all of us continued reason to pray for you and your dear family.

R.L.Scovens said...

I really enjoyed reading this post. It's amazing how God can bring so many changes into your life all stemming from one decision. God IS that thing that fills all of life's voids. Too often we think people will or even CAN do that for us. Thank God for deliverance!

-stephanie- said...

Great post today. Celebrating God. How wonderful.

Jenn said...

Thank you so much for sharing this. I especially liked the part about our choices and how they effect us and those around us.

If you get a chance come to my blog for a giveaway that I put together for my friends.

Gathering Hope said...

Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -2 Corinthians 12:8
Love in Christ-
Sherry

Paula (SweetPea) said...

Great post, Sheryl. You do have so much to celebrate. You are a beautiful woman of God.

I can relate to much of what you said. I can see the blessings in my separation/divorce/being alone. So much God has enbabled me to do. So much more does He want me to probably do...searching that with Him.

Thanks for sharing.

Whatever your addiction, it is a huge blessing to be able to turn from it so easily...supernaturally, really without even asking Him. How awesome is that!!!
Love,
Paula

UL Cards Fan said...

Great words as always Sheryl.

Love, Linda

Samantha said...

This was so beautifully written. Thank you for sharing from your heart1 Praying that God will give you beauty for ashes!

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Your post spoke volumes today. I have a very different situation that concerns one of my sisters but in the end, it was a decision made and it was right even if it hurts everyday.

As for the old laptops, that's a joke in my house...I see one I like and (color certainly matters) and I think of who I can pass my current one down to. So my son-in-law, my oldest grandson have good computers....and then I keep a couple around, just in case my main one has a problem. I know its sick.. I have a good desktop too, but rarely use it.

Have a great week,
Teresa

His Girl said...

oh, sheryl,
just reading this brings so many thoughts to mind. i am just inspired beyond words... so instead of trying to make some fit the occasion, i'll just praise God with you....


hallelujah!

Jennifer said...

Celebrating with you.

Jennifer P. said...

I too have learned to let God fill those spaces that people once filled. I should have been letting him do it all along I think.

I know it is never easy to be alone, but you are doing just what you should. I pray for everything in your life to work out just as it was meant to.

Peace and blessings,
~Jennifer

Heather of the EO said...

ooof. I finally was able to sit in some time of my own and read this as the boys are "napping." :)

I was so moved and inspired by this post. There are no words for it. Just the right time for me. Thank you.

The Mole said...

I had no idea today was the day. Thoughts are with you my friend what a journey it has been. Can you see the horizon? I bet you can.

Emily said...

Sheryl! What a powerful post. I had no idea that it had been a year exactly. I wish I would have known--I would have called you. But I hope to see you this weekend at some point! I love you!

Nicole said...

So exciting to hear all that God has done in your life my friend! You are truly blessed.

Many blessings!

Nicole

Pam said...

uhg... so hard. It is so good that you can see it all this way, it is so hard to continue to see it this way long term... i am praying for you sister... i really am.

Pam said...

oh, and I started Esther too...we watch video one in the morning!

Laura said...

Wow, my friend. So honored that you have shared so much of your life with us. GOD has used you so much in my life during this past year that its so amazing.

I thank my GOD in every rememberance of you( ok, every day)!!

Kiesha said...

You continue to inspire me and I needed to read this post today, even though I'm a bit behind, God knows what we need when we need it.

I still haven't gotten any more emails if you have sent them, not sure what is wrong with my email but yahoo should work.

ocean said...

Hi Friend.. Interesting post.. Keep up the good work.. Do visit my blog and post your comments.. Take care mate.. Cheers!!!

Amrita said...

sad to hear it had to end this way. It must be a very painful decision.

May God comfort you.

LisaShaw said...

Sheryl,

I came on over to visit and to thank you for the very sweet message you left for me at one of my blogs.

After reading your message here I had to then go back to the beginning and read about the condition you were diagnosed with and some of what you've been experiencing.

I am saddened that you've gone through so much BUT I rejoice in knowing that the LORD has had His hand upon your life every step of the way and continues to do so.

Please add me to the list of people who love you and will pray for you. I loved you the moment I saw your face on my blog. I could sense your sweet spirit. I mean that!!!

I look forward to getting to know you and growing our sister in Christ relationship.

God bless and keep you and may His arms always be cradled around you.

Debra said...

Sheryl,

I can only say that I celebrate God's love with you, my friend. What courage it took to acknowledge these places you have been and pen them so transparently for us.

Blessings to you today!

Sharon said...

This is a great post. God is so awesome, he hears our crys, and he will never leave nor forsake us.
Take care and blessings to you my friend
Huggssss

Graceful Threads said...

Wow youve been through it! THink there is any chance of reconciliation?

JMBMOMMY said...

What encouragement I get from you. Wow. Your faith is amazing--and how you give God all the credit and truly have faith in the way He allows things and weaves them and works them out for our good. Amazing.

lisasmith said...

Nothing would ever change if everything remained the same

That, my friend, is so true. so true. Thanks for sharing that.