My heart is racing today. Not sure why. But usually means God has something He wants me to say. Once again, as I am famous for (well, not really famous, but go with me) I will just start spewing and we'll see what God has.
I've been out and about enjoying life some these past several days. Well, enjoying may not be a good choice of words since I am helping my friends who lost their home in a fire. But for me to be out and be almost symptom free is enjoyable. I am trying to get to the point where I can tell people that I am feeling better without hesitating. You know what I'm talking about...not sure if I'm really healed so don't want to say anything yet. But for that moment I am healed and I need to shout it. What a joy it is to be a blessing to others right now. For 19 months I basically have been at home. To be out of here and among other people and feeling productive...oh what joy!!
Yesterday I cried when someone asked about Don. (my husband) I did not cry for myself but for him. You see, not many people ask about him except in general terms. It is so hard to tell people how he is living and what his life is like right now. Because of his generosity to us (myself and the kids) he is living off of almost no money. In conditions that are honestly a bit frightening to me. My heart breaks for him. I want so badly for him to find the healing that he does not know he needs. Oh I am so grateful for how he provides for us even though he would not have to do what he is. Sure there are those who would say that he left, he owes us and providing financially is the easy way out. I say...I am proud of him.
He is still seeing the counselor. Isn't that so amazing? Oh boy, God has plans for that man. I cannot wait to see what they are. I am scared when I think that God may really ask me to take Don back someday. I like my life. It's peaceful. It's free from conflict. It's mine. But that's the lie - it's not my life, it's God's. And if I really believe that then I need to get my heart ready to do whatever HE may ask. (shoot!!)
I told you that I was doing the Scripture memory on the LPM blog. So the second Word that God has given me to memorize is also from Habakkuk. Do you think He is going to ask me to memorize the whole book? Here is the one I am meditating on now:
Lord, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, O LORD. Renew them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy. Hab 3:2
When I read that, so many things flood through my mind. I DO stand in awe of His deeds. He amazes me. All He has done throughout time and yet He is mindful of me and He is mindful of you. He is still the same God that created all we have, who parted the Red Sea, who brought His Son back to life...HE IS THE SAME GOD. Let's know Him as that God. Not put Him in a box or think that's how He used to act. I want Him to come and do those same amazing deeds in my life and in the life of my family. When I read the last part, that is when I think of Don. Lord, when you are disciplining Don, please have mercy. I know you will. I know you love him more than any of us ever could. May we stand in awe of what you are doing in our family. May your name be made known because of it.