Do you ever feel like there are so many emotions swirling inside your head and heart that you have NO idea how you really feel? That is me today. So, why not come here and sit on the perch and see if I can get some free therapy by writing it out.
Sad. Not really sure what about. Can't quite put my finger on it. Don and I have done some things that further solidify the separation. We have a couple court dates coming up. Switched cars. Made financial plans. Maybe it's hitting me more now because there have been some more decisions made. Dunno.
Mad. Yep. Well I am not sure if it's really mad or if it's disgust. Ha, that sounds a lot better. You know how there are those people who you expect to be there for you in times of trials? They aren't the ones you hope will be, they are the ones who are supposed to be. Well, that's not been the case for me in the last 18 months and something about it is really bothering me again. I know this is something that God is teaching me through though. I need to be the person who takes action when I hear of someone in need. When someone in the "body" is hurting - the rest of the "body" is supposed to rally around. That's how it happens in perfect world, Sheryl, let it go! Learn from it and be the person who reaches out.
Hopeful. There are a few more things I am able to do that I haven't been able to do and that gives me hope that I might get some more "normal" back in my life.
Frustrated. By those things that I cannot do - ha! See I really am Sybil.
Are you feeling any better? Cuz I'm not yet. Maybe I should see if God has a Word for me today. Lord, where do you want me to look? Maybe I should see what the Bible verse for the day is on my blog. Let me look and I'll be right back. Ok..this is no joke, I just went and looked and there is no verse there. I am sure it will be back at some point, but for now it is gone. Obviously God doesn't want me reading that for right now. Isn't this fun being inside my very odd working brain? Waiting, asking, listening....
So, this is what I hear in my spirit. "Sheryl, I have already given you your words. Why do you keep looking for something new? Get my words into your marrow so that they can be life to you. Habakkuk, remember that? That's where you're supposed to be. AND I promised you beauty from ashes."
Wow, well okay!! In Habakkuk I have told Him that I stand in awe of His deeds. I've asked Him to renew them in my day. (3:2) I have said that I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. (3:18) From Isaiah 61, I have claimed His promise that He would bestow on me beauty instead of ashes.
I think I will camp where He has for me now and quit trying to stir up something new. Are you all confused yet? Cuz I am trading in all my crazy, mixed up emotions today to -
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. (Romans 12:12-13)
God, you amaze me. Thanks for showing up so clearly.