Saturday, January 24, 2009

Sybil Anyone?

Do you ever feel like there are so many emotions swirling inside your head and heart that you have NO idea how you really feel? That is me today. So, why not come here and sit on the perch and see if I can get some free therapy by writing it out.

Sad. Not really sure what about. Can't quite put my finger on it. Don and I have done some things that further solidify the separation. We have a couple court dates coming up. Switched cars. Made financial plans. Maybe it's hitting me more now because there have been some more decisions made. Dunno.

Mad. Yep. Well I am not sure if it's really mad or if it's disgust. Ha, that sounds a lot better. You know how there are those people who you expect to be there for you in times of trials? They aren't the ones you hope will be, they are the ones who are supposed to be. Well, that's not been the case for me in the last 18 months and something about it is really bothering me again. I know this is something that God is teaching me through though. I need to be the person who takes action when I hear of someone in need. When someone in the "body" is hurting - the rest of the "body" is supposed to rally around. That's how it happens in perfect world, Sheryl, let it go! Learn from it and be the person who reaches out.

Hopeful. There are a few more things I am able to do that I haven't been able to do and that gives me hope that I might get some more "normal" back in my life.

Frustrated. By those things that I cannot do - ha! See I really am Sybil.

Are you feeling any better? Cuz I'm not yet. Maybe I should see if God has a Word for me today. Lord, where do you want me to look? Maybe I should see what the Bible verse for the day is on my blog. Let me look and I'll be right back. Ok..this is no joke, I just went and looked and there is no verse there. I am sure it will be back at some point, but for now it is gone. Obviously God doesn't want me reading that for right now. Isn't this fun being inside my very odd working brain? Waiting, asking, listening....

So, this is what I hear in my spirit. "Sheryl, I have already given you your words. Why do you keep looking for something new? Get my words into your marrow so that they can be life to you. Habakkuk, remember that? That's where you're supposed to be. AND I promised you beauty from ashes."

Wow, well okay!! In Habakkuk I have told Him that I stand in awe of His deeds. I've asked Him to renew them in my day. (3:2) I have said that I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. (3:18) From Isaiah 61, I have claimed His promise that He would bestow on me beauty instead of ashes.

I think I will camp where He has for me now and quit trying to stir up something new. Are you all confused yet? Cuz I am trading in all my crazy, mixed up emotions today to -

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. (Romans 12:12-13)

God, you amaze me. Thanks for showing up so clearly.


29 comments:

Susan said...

Sadie,

Hugging you tightly and warmly. I'm thankful I'm not the only Sybil out there.

Lila

Suzanne said...

Just before I was going through my trials, I was transferred to a different office in town, away from my girlfriends to an all male team. As I was going through my trails, I asked God why He would take me away from my friends when He knew I what I would be going through. Then, it was as though I heard Him say "That is because I wanted you to rely on Me"

Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV)
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Feeling like you are a "Sybil" means you are experiencing normal emotions. Don't fret about it.

Praying for you and yours...
Count it all joy,
Sz

Jill said...

Praying for you right now Sheryl!
and i am sybil right along with you girl!
i totally get where you are at, and totally know that God is working in you and through you!!!

its funny how we have this certain picture in our heads of how things should look, or feel, how the "body" should wrap themselves around us, especially when we are struggling, yet sometimes just the opposite happens, and everyone disappears.

I am starting to learn myself, that those are the very moments Jesus Himself wraps around us, and we begin to understand that HE is all we will ever need. that only He can heal us, only He can love us the way we need, only He can mold us into who He has made us to be, so that when He does complete our healing, He knows He can work through us to use us in the lives of others to encourage them in Him and His Word, cause we've been there, and we know that we know that we know, that it's only HE that can be all that we need.

love you and praying for you.
jill

Tightening the Corset Again said...

Conflicting emotions? Yeah. I get it. God is good.

*hugs*
heather

Debbie said...

We are all Sybil at some point in our lives. It's when in Sybil that we can learn so much. YOU just did. I am still praying for you, just wait for your perch to bloom. Debbie

Alicia said...

Hi there! I wanted to tell you that I entered you in the giveaway! I got 2 for ya!

It's great to meet new bloggy pals, and I pray that you feel the Lords comfort tonight, and for you to have His peace that surpasses all understanding.

HUGS,
Alicia

JMBMOMMY said...

Good for you for trading it in...

Kimberly said...

I so get Sybil!
Praying for ya my friend-Love ya!

Kimberly

cristi said...

S-

Had to laugh when Susan addressed you as Sadie. I was going to do the same thing.

And are you trying to say all-over-the-board emotions are not normal? Heaven help us all.

Lastly, I'm mad at those friends of yours, too. But I love how God is giving you the opportunity and ability to serve your friends who are in the midst of their own struggles. It's a testimony in itself. Love it. And dare I say, I love you, too, and am soooo proud of who you are and who you are becoming.

C

Laura said...

Love you, girl.

Bonnelle Pagel said...

Congratulations on realizing the conflicting emotions going on inside of you! Congratulations on coming back around to the ONE who can truly comfort us and tell us exactly what we need when we need it. Congratulations on stepping out and going out to eat! What an amazing step!!

I love reading through your blog and getting to know you. I love how this little world connects to other members of the body that need our prayers as well. I love how God connected our lives! =)

....and the book... is an awesome read!

Many blessings to you today. May you continue to find His comfort and love and strength in each new day.

Bonnelle

Samantha said...

Thanks for visiting my blog today. I linked back to yours from mine, and boy, have I been blessed!!

I really appreciate your transparency and honesty.

Oh and I love your writing style.

Technonana said...

The waiting to move on is the hardest place to be. It's there that the enemy tempts us to take charge and do something ourselves!!
Keep waiting, Sweet One, The Lord has given you His word. NOW STAND ON IT!! and don't let Satan take it from you!! For the Lord KNOWS THE PLANS HE HAS FOR YOU!! (Jeremiah 29:11)
Love,
Sharon

Jennifer said...

Hi...thanks for stopping by my blog. I've been reading some of your past posts and sidebar - learning some of your story. Wow. God certainly has us all at different places - I think "I don't know if I could do that" but then people tell me that all the time. We are able to "do it" because God goes with us...day by day and step by day. We have a wonderful, faithful God!

So glad to have met you...I'll be back again. God bless, Jennifer

Heather of the EO said...

I've just stopped in because I see your big, beautiful smile around the blogosphere and I had to see who this lady was with all the joy in her face.

And now I've been catching up with you, reading what's going on in your life and I wanted to tell you how inspiring you are. You've got such a heavy load, lady. And yet your faith is just bouncing right off my computer screen. I appreciate that even though you are faithful and that's very clear, you're also REAL, honest about your feelings, etc. That's refreshing.

I'm a Sybil too.

So nice to meet you,
Heather

Suzanne said...

I feel like Sybil all the time girl. Praying for you, my friend!

Pam said...

That's funny. I wasn't confused at all. I believe we have twin brains. ;) I know where you are and I am here.

DeeDee said...

I love this post! The whole "patient in affliction" thing is where I'm at right now. Keep encouraging us, girl!!!

Robin said...

I came across your blog through another and this post hit home with me... I have been in a 'funk' for awhile now ...thing is I don't know why I have so many GREAT things in my life...anyway, selfishly it's nice to know there are other women who get in moods also (I guess I should already know that, huh!?) I hope things get better for you... you aren't alone.

Jackie said...

Praying urgently for you,Hugs to you,
It's becoming intense because your
walk is even closer to God ...
Your on the right path.PTL

Power of the word! By Beth Moore

http://www.lifetoday.org/site/DocServer/1-16.doc?docID=1363 (trascript)

(video) link below

http://lifeoutreach.httpsvc.vitalstreamcdn.com/lifeoutreach_vitalstream_com/SWF/2008/01/80116.swf

Rajani said...

hello from dubai, hope things work out for you! stay strong.thanks for taking time out to stop by my blog and leave your comments:)

Sharon said...

Thank you for visiting my blog during our time of grief.

Sharon

Cheryl said...

Sheryl,

Life has a way of throwing some pretty ugly things at us. Don't feel so alone, we are all Sybil at times. Know I'm praying for you my sweet friend. Hang in there!

Love
Cheryl

Jenn @ Casa de Castro said...

Sheryl,

I wasn't confused for a single second! I followed with you and understood everything you said. God made us complex beings, and He understands all of our thoughts and moods and feelings. He created us!!

I don't know what YOUR beauty for ashes will look like, but I KNOW it will be amazing and gorgeous and beyond comprehension or description. Our Father is like that.

Glad you're camping where He sent you. Still praying!!

Susan said...

Thinking of you today dear!
Sybil.......Oh..is that her name?
I have been calling her mentalpause....LOL Really though I know all to well the mixed emotions you must go through. Even to the point of feeling or thinking hate!!! Then repent...Oh Lord please for give me as I learn to love the ones that hurt me.....Give me clean hands and a pure heart Lord....May I be like you! Life is a journey isn't it.
Love ya sister
Susan

grammyshouse-susan.blogspot.com

Alicia, The Snowflake said...

I'm right there with you my friend! I have those days too. It seems like the more I think about it the more I get confused. But if I focus on His word and His promises, I can stay hopeful. I pray the same for you. I know you are going through a difficult time. May He give you the grace to run the race!

Thy Word Is A Lamp Unto My Feet said...

Hi Sheryl
I was not confused at all. We've all been though the circumstances might be different. Thanks for being so transparent.

Praying for you dear one.

Hugs and Love to you

Myriam

Jules (Sporty Mama) said...

Sheryl,

I just wanted you to know that you are in my prayers, and thank you for the beautiful verses from God's word. I think they are just the reminders I needed, as well.

Also, thank you for lifting me in prayer. God is so amazing and faithful!

Julie Anna

Paula (SweetPea) said...

I so know what you mean...to have so many emotions and not really know what to feel. This week of hibernation with no work due to snow has not been good for me. I've really allowed myself to wallow and sit in emotions.

My heart sank in totally understanding when you shared about you and Don making further plans for solidifying...those simple changes sit heavy.

I, too, seek the Lord when He's already spoken. I guess that's a good thing...seeking Him even if He's already told us. Sometimes, I'm like a little child and just need to be told again.
Love ya,
Paula