Wednesday, March 11, 2009

There is no Proper Title

Another one of I am but I don't know what YOU (Lord) want me to say posts. Feel like there's a lot that needs to get out, so you are the lucky ones that get to benefit. (I am so fine if you stop reading now. How would I know anyway?)

Do you ever have days where you are just haunted by wanting to defend yourself? Wanting to tell "your side"? That's been me for the past 3 days. OH I want to speak up. I want to be sure that the whole story is known. I think I've lost sleep over this. (OK, I have lost sleep over this) God keeps telling me that HE is my avenger. HE knows all. HE is watching out for me. HE sees everything. Can't I trust Him? I have picked up the phone. I've thought through my whole conversation. It's been rehearsed. Yet God is not giving me the peace I need in order to "defend myself". For crying out loud, there's not even anything to defend. It's a matter of wanting to be sure that I AM HEARD.

God hears me. He is the best listener. He doesn't tell others. He doesn't judge me. He knows all sides. HE CAN HANDLE THIS!! Yes, I am screaming at myself. I have a slight feeling I will not be pushing the publish button on this one.

Prayers are being answered around here and I am not very happy about that. HA. How's that for honest. I "say" that I want certain things to happen, then they do and I am less than thrilled. Or maybe it's that God is doing it differently than I would have. And, of course, my way would be so much better than God's. When will I ever get this? Truly, God has to be shaking His head at me. (I know I am) Don and David are spending time together (SHOOT!!)

Yet the prayers for healing, for completely healing, are still being answered with "not yet". Physically I want so much more. I really do try to be grateful for all that I do have the ability to do. But there are days where I mourn the loss of freedom that comes with good health. Guess today is just one of those days. And, I know that's ok.

Under attack. I guess that's what this is. When my sleep is being robbed. When my joy is circumstantial. When my emotions are all over the board. I need to remember that I am probably in the snares of satan's schemes. God has brought me too far to lose ground now. David and Ellie and I are being held in the hands of GOD!! He doesn't lose sight of us for one second. Those are not just words. That is truth. (oh, and I guess He's watching out for Don too - but today that doesn't thrill me!!) Hope you know that I will get over that attitude soon but you'll never find anything here but me being real.

Whew...I feel better. Nothing like a good therapy session with Lila (laptop) and all of you to make me feel less burdened. God, help me to take on your yoke. Get in there with you!! You do the leading. You take up for me. Who better than you to see that grace and mercy are handed out. Lord, change my heart for the thousandth time today. Love ya, Lord. (and love you too. if you made it this far - thanks!)


Anonymous said...

love you Sheryl,
and praying for you!!!!

thanks for sharing your heart,
and for always keepin it real!!!!

love and hugs!

-stephanie- said...

You can dump on us anytime. It lets us know that we need to keep praying for you and your family. Oh sure, satan thinks he's got you, but he seems to forget that you have many interceding for you, when you cannot.

Kimberly said...

Love ya Sherly! Thanks for being transparent in the midst of trial. Praying are right, God has you all.


kayro said...

Wow Sher, great post. So glad David and Don are spending time together. God is good, all the time. Luv ya, Karen

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

I so understand. I am in a situation where I NEED to tell my side of the story..but it would probably not do any good...

But I sure would feel better. (I think)


Alicia, The Snowflake said...

I completely understand. It's hard when you want to tell your side of the story and God keeps saying no. And you are in an extremely difficult circumstance. Thank you for sharing.

I pray peace for you over the next few days. May God's grace and mercy cover you as you go about your day and as you lay in your bed at night. May His peace give you the rest you need both physically and from spiritual battles.

Hang in there my friend!
He's not finished with you yet!

Pam said...

love you too... sometime we need to talk about all the unfair, wrong, i don't understand why things would go like this things that happened in our divorce. (in the actual legal agreement part) i wanted to scream out how wrong it all was/is. it still is wrong, but my prayer like yours is for God to be the one that leads... and He doesn't lead with human understanding, does He. Glad to hear your honesty. Glad you are comfortable. The TRUTH truly does set us free.

R.L.Scovens said...

God knows your heart and He knows you're still thankful through it all!

Mrs. Naz of All That Naz & Becoming Me said...

Sheryl, Thank you so much for your honesty and for not pushing delete!! Praying for yo!

Gathering Hope said...

God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain but without stain...

Thank you Sheryl, for sharing your heart.
His mercy is great-

Kiesha said...

I so admire your complete honesty. And you do have a right to feel all that you feel. Your family has been torn apart, and now David is spending time with Don, something you wanted but are bound to have mixed feelings about when it actually happens.

I think you have to feel those feelings then give them to God when you are ready. He won't just take them from us, we have to give them to him. When I feel I have been wronged but feel like God wants me to keep quiet, I get alone and just scream those things to God, He can take it and He will. The other thing that might be helpful is writing a letter, you don't have to send it but sometimes it's so healing to get those things out.

I wish I could help you more, just know I continue to pray for you.

Laura said...

Thank you for sharing your heart and being so honest with us. We love you and I am praying right now.

Love you girl,


D said...

Been there done that. Look, it's your journal. If you need to vent,do it!

Anonymous said...

By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North ...amazing song

It's lifted me up in some difficult times. I would hope only the same and more for you right now.

thoughts and prayers go your way daily.

Nicole said...

Praying for you tonight!

Thanks for your prayers.


Suzanne said...

I admire your discretion and honesty. It shows that you are listening to Him. The Lord knows the deepest parts of your story. He will lift you up.

Count it all joy,

Tammy said...

Love your honest heart! It's good to get it off you chest and talk (type) about.

Just a little something from Judy said...

We are here for you. Caring, hurting, relating and most of all, praying for you and your journey.

Jenn said...

You know, Sheryl, that is the beauty of your blog. You are so real with your writing. I will continue praying for you, David and Elle.

Paula (SweetPea) said...

So raw and rare...that's beautiful, Sheryl.

I know what you mean about selfishly hating to see God work good in others lives who should be suffering to a point so they will fall in repentance. Maybe that's not the same as you are feeling.

God already knows our hearts, our anger, our selfishness, etc. He loves us just the same. AMEN!!!!!

Thanks for sharing with us.

UL Cards Fan said...

Hey Sheryl,

I am SO glad that I decided to check tonight to see if you had anything new on your blog.
When I got to the part that said "God has brought me too far to lose ground now" I found myself nodding and saying AMEN OUT LOUD!!!
I received another blessing because I read to the end and now have it in writing that you love me. (Is that the same as being your favorite? haha).
Like you, when there is injustice I feel like it is my responsiblity to let people know!! And to see David and Don together..... Well we will both have to learn that God doesn't need our help in telling Him what to do ( or how to do it the RIGHT way, translated as OUR way). You know that I love you and am praying for all of you.


Lora said...

Contiued prayers and love across the miles.

Robin said...

I've dropped out of blog-land for awhile but I still check on you :o) Finish reading your post? Are you kidding? I could have finished WRITING your post! :o)

Our church has been doing a sermon series on spiritual's been awesome and the series is available online if you ever wanted to listen...anyway when I read your post it seemed clear - you are under attack and you are fighting back!

Praying for you and your family!

(oh, is the website if you want to check it out click the "This Means War" button at the bottom)

Sheryl said...


I've felt like that so many times...I always think of Jonah. He did what God wanted but when God answered in a mighty way, Jonah was not happy. It's times like those I have to watch out for the BIG fishes that humble me.

Praying for you and your family. God is definitely at work. Relax and accept His will. Now, I'm preaching to myself.

Love you so much, Sheryl (and not just because of your beautiful name).


ocean mommy said...

Oh Sherly, I am praying right now for you...

Blessings and hugs,

Graceful Threads said...

Thank you for the kind comment on my blog. You made my day. Please come back soon and comment I love to hear from my friends.

I really enjoyed this honest post. You share your heart and clearly your heart wants to please Him.

So sorry about your medical condition. I too suffered from a similair condition but am doing so much better. God is able to heal completely!!

JoAnn said...

Wishing things were different.
Knowing God knows sometimes has to be enough. Love ya're doing better than it feels like you are. J.

Thy Word Is A Lamp Unto My Feet said...

Hi dear Sheryl-
Your loving Father understands completely. The beauty of it all is that you speak from the heart.

You are in my prayers as always.

Yes - I did take a break off the internet world for some good reasons. Thanks for stopping by.

Love you much.


Robynn's Ravings said...

Hi Sheryl,

Just wanted to thank you for stopping by and for your kind comments. :)

I'm so sorry you are walking through such a difficult issue. Your illness sounds so hard to bear. I have a chronic illness too that is progressive but isn't as limiting as what you're dealing with. And my heart goes out to you about your marriage. I will go to sleep tonight with a prayer for you on my heart.

Blessings, my friend.


Bonnelle Pagel said...

You and I seem to be on similar pages... different circumstances but both are very challenging. Thank you for sharing your heart. God's gone before us and He's got our backs (taken from Joyce Meyer). I'm beginning to see (again) how God doesn't always work the way we think He should do things. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His ways are much higher than our ways... and sometimes the hardest part is trusting Him when we don't understand!

Hang in there because you are NOT alone!


Susan said...

Thanks for keeping it real.

Praying for you now Cheryl. Hope things are better for you now.

Keep holding on to Jesus!

Luanne said...

Praying for Peace that passes all understanding. Cling to Jesus.

Michelle said...

Still praying for you, my friend. Thanks for the encouragement you left at my blog :)


Beautiful Pear Tree Lane said...

One of the best things that God allows me to do when I am hurt and angry is to vent, to Him, to my family, and friends. And you have many here in blogland that are willing to listen and pray for you through this time, You are right God does have you all in His Hand!! Blessings,

lisasmith said...

Catching up and praying for you. praying so hard for you tonight. your heart. your body. your son. your future. His plan. just praying.