What really matters is a question that's been swirling around in my head the past 24 hours. Just so you know - I do not have an answer, but I am just gonna come here and get out some of what I've been thinking.
Yesterday I woke up with symptoms and was frustrated. I started my conversation with the Lord asking him "why". Why won't He take this illness away? Why is He leaving me this way? Why isn't He intervening in all the other life circumstances I am facing? Why? Why? Why?
In my head I KNOW that He allows it because through it there will be greater glory. He will be glorified. But my heart cries out - ENOUGH!! I want my life back. I want to do things with my kids. I want to be able to run to the grocery store if we're out of something. I want. I want. I want.
After I was certain that God understood where I was coming from, I proceeded to open my emails. Shocked to find so many comments from my last post. That post had been written 5 days before. Usually I will get a few stragglers, not that many. Hmmm...God was up to something. He was encouraging me. Letting me know that for this time He is still using me. I may not like it, but HE KNOWS WHY HE IS ALLOWING IT!!! Maybe if I had my life back, I would not spend any time here with all of you. Maybe I do not fully understand the calling on my life and I need to remain home bound for now.
It is such a privilege to talk with many of you. Either through the blogs, emails, facebook, messenger...God is up to something in our lives. And here is what I am thinking. It's not about the "right now". Am I willing to pour my life out for the sake of others? There are many who are struggling with what they believe. Do they even believe at all. Is the church worth it. Can God be trusted. Huge things that others are grappling with. I am by no means saying that I am here to be THE ONE who brings healing to them. But I would love to be a part of pointing them to Jesus.
This world will come to pass. This is not all there is. If I live the rest of my life with some heartache, with physical limitations but I have somehow done a small part in helping others - it really will be worth it. My life is getting more and more challenging each day right now. I am being knocked around from every direction. Guess that means satan is scared of me. Pray that I will continue to fight the good fight. That I will live my life with integrity. That my eyes will be fixed on the victory and not on the battles.
What really matters? In the end all that matters is Jesus. Do we know Him? Do you know Him? He is real!! He is worth it!! Trust me - I know!