Sunday, March 29, 2009

A Wild Ride

This past Monday I found out that Don is going through with the divorce after all. It came as quite a shock to me as I thought we had agreed to remain "legally separated". My attorney informed me. To say I was stunned would be an understatement. Actually when I got off the phone with the attorney, I said very loudly "you've got to be kidding me"!! Yes, I believe I was directing that straight to the Lord.

Good thing HE wasn't surprised. Was I angry? Yes. Was I scared? Yes. Was I about ready to let a really long stream of cuss words fly? (I am not answering that) It's odd how I was taken so by surprise. It's not that I thought we would get back together but all of a sudden the road I thought I was on just took a quick turn. What about my health insurance? What about support? Why is he changing his mind?

So, on Thursday we had a court hearing. It was already scheduled so we kept the appointment. I showed up at the court house (with a friend that I made stay with me the entire time) and I could not look at Don. I could not speak to him. I think it was okay to feel that way for that day. But I will not stay in that place of anger and bitterness! It's ugly there. It's dark. It's joyless. It's prison.

Sometime in the next 7 days my marriage of 18 years will be officially over. I will be divorced. We will be divorced. Our family will be changed forever, but it won't be destroyed! David and Ellie and I will perservere. We will cling to each other and to the Lord. One of these days we will have hearts that want to pray for Don. But for now we are going to grieve the loss, be thankful for our blessings, share our experience with others and keep believing!

I love the Lord more today than ever in my life! I've asked Him for years to give me a heart that loves Him and He has. We repeat vows at our wedding ceremonies that sometimes as humans we cannot fully keep. However, God can say that He will be with us for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death! He is the promise maker and keeper. Never do we need to doubt.

This week will be a tough one. It will mark both my anniversary and my divorce. But it will also mark the beginning of a new path with my God. Bittnerness? No thanks! I am moving on wherever God leads. Think it's gonna be a great ride!!



36 comments:

Courtney and the Boys said...

Oh, my friend. I wish more than anything that I could reach right through this computer and hug you. I wish I could take away the pain and many other emotions you feel.

Thank you for the example you set of how to cling to the Lord even in the darkest of times. I haven't been in your position, but I have definitely had my share of "dark times", and having the Lord by my side and holding my hand was the biggest comfort of all.

Hugs (big ones),
Courtney

Laura said...

Sheryl,

Even though I have never been in your place before you are on my heart and not far from my thoughts.

I love ya...

Laura

Heather of the EO said...

Wow. I appreciate (so much) how you have the long-term perspective, knowing that God's GOT THIS, and at the same time you're so real (admitting how hard it really is). you are so relatable, honest, and inspiring.

Prayers for peace for you tonight.

Love,
Heather

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

My heart breaks for you. I too wish I could hug you.

I hope that this week will be full of peace that can only come from God.

With love,
Teresa

Robin said...

My heart is breaking for you, I'm so sorry that you have to endure this roller coaster but I am so thankful that you have a relationship with Christ...how else could we endure? With our eyes fixed on Jesus, we will walk on water and not sink...even when He doesn't calm the storm around us!

You'll be especially in my prayers this week!
Robin

UL Cards Fan said...

Absolutely beautiful Sheryl. May we all remember whose bride we are as we await the return of our groom. You will be found worthy. I love you to pieces. Linda

JMBMOMMY said...

Your bond with Christ is inspiring. You have touched many through this--I know the pain is real but the Lord is faithful to turn the ashes into beauty...He is so faithful.

C.C. and Double T said...

I am so sorry. I am praying for you.

He And Me + 3 said...

I am so sorry my friend about that news. The road ahead will be long...but you are not walking it alone. Everyday I thank God that during my low times...I know that I can always count on Him to be there for me. He will never let us down.
Praying for you!

Technonana said...

I absolutely love your attitude!!!
You WILL make it!! It will be hard!! But your faith has made you well. Be healed my precious friend!!
May God grant you the wisdom, knowledge and understanding you will need to preserver!! May His will and purposes be fulfilled in your life, and May He grant you is Peace, that passes ALL understanding!!
In Him!
Sharon

JoAnn said...

While I'd never, ever wish this journey on anyone, much less someone so precious as you, I've learned God is in the midst of all the terrible circumstances and His power reigns supreme! God is good...
I love you!
Jo Ann

lisasmith said...

Sheryl,

Praying for you this week...praying for freedom from all your pain...I just know He's got a plan so good we couldn't even fathom it if we tried. Had a vertigo spell this past week and lifted you up every time I couldn't lift my head!!! (Well, you know those one word sentences that God understands...Help. Sheryl. Relief. God.)

Amrita said...

so sorry to hear that Sheryl, a big hug to you

Just me~ Bobbie Jo said...

I am so sorry! I will lift you all up in prayer.

Robynn's Ravings said...

Dear, dear Sheryl,

I'm so sorry you are walking through this extremely painful journey. I have been there but not with children. Grizzly and I came perilously close at one point and I know the feeling of sheer free-falling. It's horrid. But God was incredibly close during that time and I saw his hand in ways I know I never would have without walking that path. I so wish the outcome was different. I pray that he will come to regret this decision and fully surrender to God's work in his life.

And this is a terrible seque but you cannot pop into my site and leave the comment you did without KNOWING I was going to show up here and say this:

Where do you live?

I have to come and kiss you immediately for what you said! My profile picture was taken FIVE YEARS AGO! I look at it all the time and think I could be convicted of false advertising for not having a more updated photo.

If you want to send me a bill, feel free.

Samantha said...

I pray that God will give you an extra measure of His grace and comfort to guide you through this next week!!!

Sharon said...

You hang in there, You are a very strong woman, and I know you will become stronger as you go through this. You have the Lord in your heart, he has never left you nor will he forsake you.
He will get all the glory for this at the end! Amen
Have a beautiful and blessed week :)

Alicia, The Snowflake said...

Oh my friend, I am so sorry to hear that! But I am so proud of your attitude. Keep believing in Him. I am so thankful that He is always with us, especially in the dark times. Thanks for inspiring the rest of us!

The Emery's said...

Your strength right now is amazing. I'm so sorry, Sheryl.

I never expected to open my google reader and find this. Just as you never expected to post it.

My prayers and love are with you, your kids...and following YOUR example, even Don. (You're a much better person than I).

Love to you!

Kim@Seasons of My Heart said...

Oh friend...know that I'm praying for you and your children.

You are so right...God knows all....and we must keep our hope and faith in that.

Today, and in the days to come, I'll be gripping the hem of his garment..a little tighter for you!!

Paula (SweetPea) said...

Speechless. I DO know your shock. The shock when something you kind of expected but maybe not in the quick timeframe. Even with my desire for reconciliation, there have been many such incidences in the 21 month roadway. Surprises but not surprises, yet shock.

So sorry this happened. But, you do have a right attitude. Allow that anger to be in you and work OUT of you so you can go forward without anger and bitterness. I think it is okay as you said and natural to feel that anger toward God and Don when this happened. The key is not letting it fester. Admiting it is a great thing.

You are so honest and raw. I admit I was shocked too as I do pray for your marriage to be restored even though you don't have that desire in your heart right now. The legal system doesn't mean anything though...it's not more powerful that our God...I'm living proof of being a conqueror of what man says and holding to what God says.
Love,
Paula

Jenn said...

Oh Sheryl, I am so sorry to hear this. I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling right now. Please know that I am praying for you whenever you come to my mind, which is often. My heart goes out to you and I am sending you a big hug!

Just a little something from Judy said...

An anniversary and a divorce...how ablsolutely painful!! I have no words to say, but I do have a prayer I have already prayed for you and will continue to pray for you. I've asked my Heavenly Father to put His arms of love and safety around you...to remind you in His ever merciful way, that He loves you more than ever. That He will remind you that He will never leave you or forsake you...never, ever!!! And to remind your precious children that despite how it all appears...life is hard, but God is good. Truly, I am hurting with all of you.

Glenda said...

I just ran across your blog, Sheryl, and I'm so touched by your story. You'll never know - until you get to heaven - how many lives you are touching. One of my favorite Scriptures is Jer. 29:11 NIV which says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Hold to His unchanging hand.

Kimberly said...

Sherly,

I have no words of great wisdom to make it all better for you...just know that I am praying for you today and always...

Love ya to pieces...
kb

Thy Word Is A Lamp Unto My Feet said...

Hi Sheryl-
I truly, truly wish that I could be close and give you a big hug. Your Sovereign Daddy is all aware and He promises to never leave or forsake you.

I pray that He wraps His big arms of love around you and your dear children. May His presence be with you now more than ever.

God bless Sheryl.

Myriam

Susan said...

Biiiiiig Huuuuuuug!

Cheri' said...

I am so sorry that you are facing this painful situation! However, I see such strength and courage in your heart!

Though I don't personally know the pain of divorce, I have walked with two close friend through theirs. Through their experience I understand some of what you are going through, and I promise to pray for you during this difficult time. I will also pray for your children!

May you feel the Lord's loving arms embracing you continually throughout this time!

Cheri'

Faye said...

SHERYL,STOPPED BY FOR A VISIT.I WISH I COULD TAKE ALL YOUR PAIN AWAY.YOU WILL BE IN MY HEART AND PRAYERS.I WILL BE BACK TO VISIT! SENDING YOU LOTS OF HUGS! BLESSINGS ,FAYE

Jill said...

oh Sheryl,
my sweet friend,
my heart breaks for you, going through all of this.
i am praying for you, and asking the Lord to wrap His arms around you ever so tightly right now, and that you would feel His peace and presence like never before.

love you so much
jill

Pam said...

uhg, uhg, uhg, uhg, uhg, uhg, uhg... I am so sorry this is happening to you... so sorry. I'm hear for you. I've been where you are. did you get my e-mail today? if divorce, then God's going to demonstrate His sufficeny to me. uhg, uhg, uhg... groaning with you in prayer.

Emily said...

Hey Sheryl. It's 4:00 a.m. and you're on my heart. Thought I would let you know I'm lifting you up. Thank you for your honest, kind comment on my blog. I know it's not easy, but keep on seeking that sunshine through the rain. And know you're not alone.

Suzanne said...

Wow, I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now. Know that I am praying for you.

Love,

Suzanne

Leslie said...

I love how you stated that God's vows to us will never be broken. That was beautiful. I'm so sorry for your pain. It's okay to be angry for a little while. God understands, and He'll bring you through to the other side.

Blessings to you and your children!

LisaShaw said...

Precious Sheryl,

May the loving arms of our Abba Father shelter you and strengthen you along your continued journey. May His presence be with you all and may His will be done in every area of need.

God bless you sister.

Kiesha said...

Sorry, I'm late to this. I have been away from the computer for about a week. I'm so very sorry you are going through this right now.

I pray for you, David, and Ellie nightly. And wish I could make this better for all three of you.

I will email you soon. I finally go my newwave account to work.

Your in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you a great big hug.