This past Monday I found out that Don is going through with the divorce after all. It came as quite a shock to me as I thought we had agreed to remain "legally separated". My attorney informed me. To say I was stunned would be an understatement. Actually when I got off the phone with the attorney, I said very loudly "you've got to be kidding me"!! Yes, I believe I was directing that straight to the Lord.
Good thing HE wasn't surprised. Was I angry? Yes. Was I scared? Yes. Was I about ready to let a really long stream of cuss words fly? (I am not answering that) It's odd how I was taken so by surprise. It's not that I thought we would get back together but all of a sudden the road I thought I was on just took a quick turn. What about my health insurance? What about support? Why is he changing his mind?
So, on Thursday we had a court hearing. It was already scheduled so we kept the appointment. I showed up at the court house (with a friend that I made stay with me the entire time) and I could not look at Don. I could not speak to him. I think it was okay to feel that way for that day. But I will not stay in that place of anger and bitterness! It's ugly there. It's dark. It's joyless. It's prison.
Sometime in the next 7 days my marriage of 18 years will be officially over. I will be divorced. We will be divorced. Our family will be changed forever, but it won't be destroyed! David and Ellie and I will perservere. We will cling to each other and to the Lord. One of these days we will have hearts that want to pray for Don. But for now we are going to grieve the loss, be thankful for our blessings, share our experience with others and keep believing!
I love the Lord more today than ever in my life! I've asked Him for years to give me a heart that loves Him and He has. We repeat vows at our wedding ceremonies that sometimes as humans we cannot fully keep. However, God can say that He will be with us for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death! He is the promise maker and keeper. Never do we need to doubt.
This week will be a tough one. It will mark both my anniversary and my divorce. But it will also mark the beginning of a new path with my God. Bittnerness? No thanks! I am moving on wherever God leads. Think it's gonna be a great ride!!