The Perch

I don't sit on the perch any more.

In so many ways that is a good thing. Because of the measure of healing that God has given me, I don't find myself confined to my house and to the perch. (my couch, for those of you who haven't been around)

But...in many ways, it's not such a great thing. I don't find I need Jesus as much. So I don't spend the time with Him that I should. Makes me sad to think that for 18 months I sat here and begged for healing, He gave it and I walked away. There is something about being in the midst of terrible trials that really is a "gift". I wouldn't know my God the way I do if it hadn't been for the horrible mess of the past 3 years.

I want to want to spend with the Lord. Does that make sense? Not because I am forced onto the perch but because He is what makes my soul complete. Because He is the only source of true joy. He is peace. I want to love Him more just because!!

Life here has been full and empty and exciting and sad and joy filled and heartbreaking. Probably like many of your lives. No matter what my life holds though, God is IN IT!!

Three years ago when I got sick I never imagined that the kids and I would get to take a trip. Yep....we drove to Florida. (I DROVE to Florida) God blessed us with the most amazing time ever! We needed this time away from "reality" and it was good for each of us. I am still praying that God would break the kids' hearts for what breaks HIS. I believe they need to connect with their dad, but....well, it doesn't look good from the world's eyes. But I know that God holds us in the palm of His hand.

Oh yes, last time I was here I told you that God had given me a gift. Funny how things change! He brought an amazing man into my life. He is good for me, he is good for the kids, he is one of those people that is just loved by everyone. Now God has moved him to another state. I am still believing that God has plans for our future together but that I needed time without him so that I could get my relationship with Jesus back on track. It's all good!

I'm back on the perch today and I plan to be back here often.

Dance. Laugh.

On Saturday I posted the song that has been running through my mind almost continuously. The song is "Stones Under Rushing Water" by Needtobreathe. Please click here and go listen if you haven't already. I told you that there were many thoughts I wanted to share. I am going to try and put those thoughts down here.

Many have emailed me after I posted that song believing that I was in a "bad" place, maybe sad, maybe depressed, dealing with hard things. Actually, the song reminds me of how important it is to make the most of this life we are given!! One time around...that's what we get. We need to live this life very intentionally. Aware of each and every moment we are given.

The song begins with the words, "Why don't we dance any more? I'm not okay with that. Why don't we laugh any more? I'm not okay with that". I want to live my life like that. Not settling for the mediocre or just getting by. I want to dance, I want to laugh. God made us that way. To enjoy life. To make the most of every second He has gifted us with.

The song goes on to say that "the years go by like stones under rushing water". Picture that. As the river flows quickly, the stones under it go speeding by, unable to get them back. That's how fast our lives go by. "We only know when it's gone". We might think that we have all the time in the world, but we don't know how much time we are promised. We can't get them back.

This is not meant to be a depressing post. It's meant to remind me to be so very intentional!! If there is not smiling and dancing - don't settle!! And I am not talking about my failed marriage here. Sure....I sometimes wish that I hadn't held on as long as I did, but it is what it is!! I want to find joy in all things.

I really want my kids to understand how quickly this life is fleeting. This is time that they cannot get back with their dad. The years race by. I don't want them to be okay with that, I want them to embrace this life and all that God has in store for them.

The other thing that really strikes me is how intentional I need to be about sharing Christ. God has given us each one time - one huge gift - in allowing us to share His name with those He places in our lives. We best take advantage of that. It (this life) is racing by. What is our purpose here? What is my purpose here?

Boy, I want to make the most of it!! I don't want to look back and see where the years rushed by and I didn't enjoy them, I don't want to have a life of regrets, I want to dance and laugh and make His name known.

There's a lot more going on in my life that I want to share with you. And yes....it pertains to this song as well. God has given me another huge gift. I am not sure why He continues to bless me. I guess it's just His nature. You all know by now that I don't like long posts, so I will share about this "gift"with you next time.

For today....dance....laugh.....share Jesus....the years are rushing by.

My New Anthem

I have woken up with this song in my mind almost every single day this week. I am not so sure what I am supposed to add to it, so for now I will just post the song. I know that I have many words to write, so I'll be back.

Trust Issues

I've been having trust issues.

Major trust issues.

Not with another human being. With God. I am just flat out not trusting Him.

How do I know? Because I am filled with fear. Anxiety. Questioning. Tears come way too easily. I am easily angered. All the "what-ifs" race through my head faster than I keep up with them.

Here's the deal....I am trying to trust God for something or to do something. I am not just simply trusting Him. So when things don't go as I think I need or my kids are hurt or I am heartbroken or money runs out or my illness flares...I start believing the lies that God isn't trustworthy. Or maybe it's that I believe He isn't really listening in the first place.

Whoever said that putting our trust in God was about trusting Him to answer to US?? We trust Him because He is worthy. We trust Him because He loves us so much that He sent His Son to die so that we could have a relationship with Him. We trust Him because the Bible tells us to. We trust Him because His character has been proven. (Like He needs to prove Himself!! I have to wonder if He is shaking His head at me right now)

He is the God who heals the brokenhearted. The God who forgives EVERY sin and does not hold it against us. The God who never forgets to make the sun rise. The God who knows the number of stars and the number of hairs on our heads. He is the God of second chances (and beyond). He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is the God who holds it ALL in the palm of His hand. He is the God whose eyes NEVER LEAVE US!

That is what I need to trust. He never leaves me. There is not a moment in my day that He is not fully aware of me, what is happening, how I feel, what I need.

He knows me. And yet He still loves me!

Lord, forgive me for not trusting. Forgive my anxious thoughts. Forgive me for asking to you to prove yourself. Fill me with a renewed sense of who you really are. May I put my trust, my life, my relationships, my kids fully and completely in your hands.

You ARE worthy.

Holding Fast and Rallying the Troops

When things in my life get too overwhelming, I tend to retreat. I suppose it's a form of denial. Denying that there are issues. Of course by retreating I am only making situations worse. They just pile up one on top of the other.

My absence here is a telltale sign that I have been retreating. And to be really honest, I also retreat from the Lord. I stop praying and stop reading my Bible. Yea....that does NOT help!

I read back through some past posts and I wonder, "what happened to that girl"? The girl with so much faith. The girl who relied on the Lord as if her life depended on it. The girl who knows true JOY because of her God.

Life happens and I know we all go through times in the wilderness. But I am sick of being in the wilderness! I want my focus and purpose back! Time to rally the troops. Yep, that includes you. It's been a long time since I've given you any kind of update on what is happening (really happening) in our family.

My illness is still a part of who I am. I don't want it to define me but it definitely still impacts my ability to do certain things. That gets frustrating and depresses me. I want to focus on how far God has brought me. From being bed bound to being able to participate in life most of the time!

David and Ellie still will not speak to their dad. We had a huge set back over the Christmas holiday. However....are you ready for how God works in some very bizarre ways in my life? Don's girlfriend (who had NOTHING to do with the break up of our marriage) wants to help in anyway that she can to bring about some resolution between Don and the kids. She came to my home the other day and stayed for two hours. God is going to use her to help bring healing. I just know it. She is an amazing person. I say that I want nothing more than for Don and the kids to have a relationship but my prayer life doesn't show that. I need to be on my face begging God for that daily! Look how much God has done already.

God has worked miracles in healing my heart as well. I've a long way to go but I have hope that I haven't felt for long time. Please pray that I will stop believing the lies that satan tries to feed me. That nobody will ever truly love me. That I can't trust. That I need to be fearful and anxious about money. That David will never give his heart back to the Lord.

I know this post is just all over the place but that's what happens when I spend so much time away. When I was reading my devotion this morning (which is the first time in AGES) it led me to read Deuteronomy 11:22. Here is the part that struck me "love the LORD your God, walk in all his ways and to hold fast to him."

Hold fast to HIM!! Don't you just love that picture.

'Nuff Said

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands Isaiah 49:16

He lifted me out of a slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. Psalm 40:2

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. Romans 8:27

We Three!

Put me in a fiery furnace? Um...no thanks!!

In the third chapter of Daniel that is exactly what happened to Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. The king had ordered that EVERYONE bow down to a statue that he had set up. It was widely known that if you refused to do this then you would be thrown into the fiery furnace.

These three courageous young men chose to stand firm in their belief in the One True God and not bow down. They chose this knowing the trial they would face.

These three people...

Well, we did not "choose" our trial and honestly had we known what was coming, I am afraid to say we probably each would have taken off running. In 2007 I became ill (you can read about in the sidebar) and was basically homebound for 18 months. During that time, my husband of 18 years left and filed for divorce. The kids and I were left alone.

Or were we?

When you read the story of the three courageous young men in Daniel we learn that after they were thrown in the furnace, they could be seen walking around and a fourth person was there with them. The king was so amazed that he ordered them to come out. They were not burned, they did not even smell of smoke. God has gone into the fiery trial with them!

God has been in this trial with David, Ellie and myself. Never has He left us. There have been blessings from this time that I would not trade for anything. Relationships. A stronger family. Deeper faith. Seeing the body of Christ come together. A testimony. A love for the Lord unknown to me before.

HE promised me beauty from ashes. He never fails to keep His promises! NEVER.

This journey through Daniel over at Amber's blog has been a surprise to me. Each of us is taking away something so different. You should hop over there and read what God is showing to others.

Please keep praying for my kids (David and Ellie) that they will see God's hand of protection on us and not become resentful. They can be used mightily for the Lord, I just know it!

My Daniel Tangent

Last week I told you that I was going through a study of Daniel with some girls over at Amber's blog. Amber gives us some questions to process and then we should post an answer to one of them. Well...you know me...I never seem to be able to do what I am told. So I am going a different direction with what I learned from reading through the second chapter of Daniel.




In this chapter the king is looking for someone to interpret his dream. Nobody is willing to do specifically what he asks so he decides to have ALL of the wise men killed. This would include Daniel. In verse 14, Daniel learns of the edict and this is what that verse says:

"When Arioch, the commander of the king's guard, had gone out to put to death the wise men of Babylon, Daniel spoke to him with wisdom and tact."

He spoke with WISDOM and TACT! My first reaction would have been to freak out, probably get angry and question, go about my business trying to figure my way out of this mess and totally run my mouth.

I have an issue with my mouth. Always have. It often moves and starts speaking before I think. It's been called to my attention more than once in the past two weeks that I can be hurtful, that my words carry lots of sarcasm and that I can belittle others without intending to do so.

I want to be a woman that speaks with wisdom and tact. I want to be so in tune with God that I know He is control of each and every situation and I don't need to scurry around trying to figure out the situation for myself. I want the words that come out of my mouth to be edifying to others, to lift them up, to encourage, to breathe life into them...

I used to pray this verse for myself every day from Psalm 141: 3 "Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD, keep watch over the door of my lips." I think I need to be praying that again.

Sorry to go off on a tangent, Amber, but it's what God is speaking to me right now.

Striving to be a woman of wisdom and tact,

I Really am HIS

My friend, Amber, over at His Girl's Blog has written a study on Daniel. I decided to join in with her and we've just finished Week One.




Honestly, there are Bible stories that I have become TOO familiar with. I think I know them so I don't really spend time studying. That is definitely the case with Daniel. I take for granted that he wasn't afraid (or at least he wasn't ruled by his fear). He stood up for his beliefs. He had complete faith that God would provide.

Amber asked us to think about some questions and I have to tell you that it made me uncomfortable. Here are the three that really hit me.

What has being a Christian cost me in my lifetime?
What sacrifices have I made to be a Christian recently?
How can non-Christians tell that I am a Christian?

OUCH!

I had already been wrestling with some of this before I even began the study. As you can tell from how long it's been since I have posted...I've been in a bit of a desert place. Feeling distant from the Lord. Overwhelmed with life circumstances. Kind of one of those times where you just throw your hands up in the air and say "I give up".

The truth is that being a Christian really hasn't cost me anything in my lifetime. It's been easy. I've not made any sacrifices. Is following God easy? No, but I don't believe it's really "cost" me. I haven't had to stand up for my beliefs and be ridiculed. God hasn't asked me to do anything that is particularly difficult. I was raised in a Christ centered home so it (Christianity) has been all I've known.

I struggle more with the third question. How can non-Christians tell that I am a Christian? I don't think they can. Sure on this blog, it's easy. You all read about how God is working in my life. You've seen me walking out my faith. But day to day...what am I doing? How am I behaving? Does my life seem different than the lives around me? I'm not so sure. And I DON'T LIKE THAT! God and I are wrestling this out. Actually, God is being silent and I am left to fight through this. I'm not saying that He has left me alone, I am just saying that He is not making it easy for me.

That's ok. I think. I WANT to be different. I desire for those I come into contact with to wonder "what does Sheryl have that I don't have". Right now I think I am just fitting in with the world.

Lord, I am growing weary of being in the desert. Give me a heart that is open to what you are asking of me. Remind me of what YOU sacrificed for me and may I live my life as a reflection of that love.

Wanting to be known as one of HIS,