As many of you know I have a "life altering" illness. Technically it is called bilateral vestibular neuritis and I also have migraine activated vertigo. I hate this illness. When I asked the doctor if I would ever get my life back, he simply replied, "no".
Well, that's not the disease I want to talk about today. There's a much worse disease that I have suffered from. The disease of unbelief. I've struggled to believe God. Oh sure, I've believed IN Him but not really believed Him. For sure there are many who suffer with unbelief. Because it is a sin, it ravages our lives just like a real disease. It robs us of joy, peace, grace, knowing forgiveness, assurance. It brings self-loathing, doubt, anxiety, fear and lies along with it. If satan get us to NOT believe what God has said to be true, satan can fill our lives and minds with his poison. Disease.
During my year or more at home I have come to know Jesus in a whole new way. I've had to give Him my doubts, fears, anxiety and the thoughts that rob me of joy. (I do take these back from God every once in awhile) You see, there's no room for my "disease of unbelief" if I want to know Jesus better. I want wholeness in every aspect of my life. Sure, it would be great to get up and walk without the imbalance, to shop, to go have fun with my kids, to have a restored marriage. But if He only heals the physical disease and not the spiritual one, my healing will be fleeting.
Freedom from disease is what I am after. Freedom to walk daily in the knowledge that God loves ME. Freedom to believe He is perfect, able, my supplier, holy, living, watching me at all times, holding me, He cares, just, righteous....the list goes on and on. I want to walk in belief, free from the disease that satan keeps trying to throw back on me. Lord, heal my disease!
I do not plan out what I am going to sit and write. I just come here and start pecking away at the computer. Many times things probably don't make sense to anyone but me, but that's okay. Blogging started out as just another extension of my journal, never thinking people would come and read. So, it is still my journal of the journey God and I are on together. Today, He is telling me there is a far more deadly disease out there. Unbelief. Lord, I don't want my old life back. The doctor is right. I won't get it back because the life you have for me is far greater!!
This song is one of my favorites. I found it thanks to my new friend, Kim. He IS my Healer.
Believing and trusting for Healing,