Wednesday, June 25, 2008

My Disease

As many of you know I have a "life altering" illness. Technically it is called bilateral vestibular neuritis and I also have migraine activated vertigo. I hate this illness. When I asked the doctor if I would ever get my life back, he simply replied, "no".

Well, that's not the disease I want to talk about today. There's a much worse disease that I have suffered from. The disease of unbelief. I've struggled to believe God. Oh sure, I've believed IN Him but not really believed Him. For sure there are many who suffer with unbelief. Because it is a sin, it ravages our lives just like a real disease. It robs us of joy, peace, grace, knowing forgiveness, assurance. It brings self-loathing, doubt, anxiety, fear and lies along with it. If satan get us to NOT believe what God has said to be true, satan can fill our lives and minds with his poison. Disease.

During my year or more at home I have come to know Jesus in a whole new way. I've had to give Him my doubts, fears, anxiety and the thoughts that rob me of joy. (I do take these back from God every once in awhile) You see, there's no room for my "disease of unbelief" if I want to know Jesus better. I want wholeness in every aspect of my life. Sure, it would be great to get up and walk without the imbalance, to shop, to go have fun with my kids, to have a restored marriage. But if He only heals the physical disease and not the spiritual one, my healing will be fleeting.

Freedom from disease is what I am after. Freedom to walk daily in the knowledge that God loves ME. Freedom to believe He is perfect, able, my supplier, holy, living, watching me at all times, holding me, He cares, just, righteous....the list goes on and on. I want to walk in belief, free from the disease that satan keeps trying to throw back on me. Lord, heal my disease!

I do not plan out what I am going to sit and write. I just come here and start pecking away at the computer. Many times things probably don't make sense to anyone but me, but that's okay. Blogging started out as just another extension of my journal, never thinking people would come and read. So, it is still my journal of the journey God and I are on together. Today, He is telling me there is a far more deadly disease out there. Unbelief. Lord, I don't want my old life back. The doctor is right. I won't get it back because the life you have for me is far greater!!

This song is one of my favorites. I found it thanks to my new friend, Kim. He IS my Healer.





Believing and trusting for Healing,
-Sheryl


30 comments:

Kim said...

This song is one of my favorites too!!!

We MUST stand upon God's promises that he IS our healer!!!

We must choose faith....and belief.

Bless your sweet heart today friend, and thank-you for sharing so open and honestly.

Kim~

A Lamp Unto My Feet said...

Sheryl
I am so sorry to hear about your illness. I am sure you have heard this one time too many but God knows why He allowed it. Nothing comes to His children without first being filtered through His fingers of love. Your prayers have been heard. I am doing this study called ‘Stepping Up’ by Beth Moore (you might know her –lol) and she had this to say this morning and I quote “Our finite minds simply cannot grasp God’s infinite ways of answering prayer. You have no idea how many times you’ve prayed and God answered affirmatively but is awaiting the proper time for its revelation. Somewhat like Matthew 16:29, the answer has been ‘loosed’ in heaven but hasn’t yet been ‘loosed’ on the pavement of earth.”
Yes, your prayers have been heard and we are awaiting its fulfillment. I will keep you in my prayers as well.
Yes the sin of unbelief will keep us wondering in the desert for far too long when the Promised Land is in sight. It is one that I am accustomed to and know all too well. It’s as if it has paralyzed me but I won’t let it have me and have recently made the decision to believe God, His word, and His promises because they are for me too not just some people. Lord we do believe, help us to overcome our unbelief.
Over 2 years ago, I purchased ‘Praying God’s Words’ that are prayer cards at an LPL event and I haven’t really used them and I took them out today so I can carry the cards with me. I want to start saturating myself with prayers to overcome unbelief and I will share what the one for today and it goes like this:
Father, please help me not to be like the ancient Israelites who willfully put You to the test. (Psalm 78:18). They did not believe in You or trust in Your deliverance after all the wonders you had shown them. (Psalm 78:22) Please swell my soul with belief and help me to trust emphatically in Your deliverance.
Thank you for writing from the heart. God bless.

Jenn said...

It is so easy to be filled with unbelief when life's circumstances overwhelm us. Thanks for the honest and wonderful post!

His Girl said...

mmm. i have that disease, too. i am working hard on it for many reasons, but one is that i don't want my kids to catch it!

great post! i love watching you on this journey, friend!

Jenn at Casa de Castro said...

Sometimes even when we DO believe, we don't always employ the promises of God or walk as closely with Him as He would desire. Fortunately He is patient and waits for us to catch up. And the good news? First Peter 2 tells us that by His wounds (stripes), we are healed. The context of that verse is talking about our spiritual healing! There it is... in the Word of God! There's your healing... and mine.

I continue to pray for you and am so encouraged by reading your words and seeing this part of your journey unfold. Blessings to you, dear one.

DidiLyn said...

It is good that you share how you grow and the things you struggle with. Thank you for writing this today.

Paula (SweetPea) said...

Beautiful song. I had never heard that song nor that group. I will google them now.

Yes, spiritual healing and wealth is much more "healing" than any physical healing could ever provide.

Suzanne said...

It does make sense to me...beautiful post my friend.

Joni said...

I am praying for you, Sheryl. That He will make Himself known to you. That He will show up in your circumstances and prove to you that you are His beloved and precious child. Stay in His Word. As Beth Moore has said and I've known, too, He speaks most often to us through His Word. Ask Him before you start to read to speak to you. Then read until His Spirit grabs you and won't let you read further. That's God speaking.

Anonymous said...

Hi

This really got me to thinking...

"I've believed IN Him but not really believed Him"

I think that I am also guilty of not believing when you put it that way. This is something that I also need to work on Sheryl.

I believe that GOd had you post this so that I would read it and be reminded that I also need to BELIEVE - in every sense of the word.

Thank you!
Denise in Texas

Mary said...

Sheryl, When I read your post, I immediately thought of the song,
"I Believe, Help Thou My Unbelief"

If you will go to You Tube and put that song in the search, it will bring it up, sung by Bill Gaither. I think it will be a blessing to you. Let me know. . .

You are loved!
mary

Yolanda said...

You are believing God, we are BELIEVING GOD!

Girlfriend, stand on His promises. Flee the enemy.

Dineen A. Miller said...

Awesome post, girl. What a journey you're on. And I pray too that you never get your old life back, that God would continue to carry you on the wings of his eagles, that his grace, power, mercy and healing would flow through you, your family, and the lives and hearts you are touching right now. God uses all things to his purpose and glory, and never in just one way. He is ever faithful, and very resourceful. Glory be to God!

Technonana said...

Ditto, Mary... Sweet Sheryl, thanks for posting your thoughts!!! What a witness you are... thanks for the blessing!!!
Love you!!

Gina@Chats With An "Old Lady" said...

Hi! I'm just checking in to say hello. Thanks for your regular visits to my blog,and for sharing your heart! My heart goes out to you and all you face, physically and spiritually. We're all in that battle I guess!

Hang in there,
Keep clinging,
and let me know how I can be praying!

Lisa said...

Sheryl,
I loved this post. There was such rich truth in what you shared. Thank you for reminding us that the diseases within our hearts and souls are what really keep us from the abundant life. How awesome that He is taking you to a new place with Him, despite your difficulties!

Love your genuiness. It is obvious to me, having read your blog for the first time, that you sit with Him often. Neat.

Lisa :)

Anonymous said...

Sheryl

My family has their own crisis going on right now. My husband's company unexpectedly announced that they are closing next month. He is an electrical engineer / chip designer - not the easiest work to come by. That happened yesterday.

Then this morning, I got a letter in the mail saying that I needed to come in for a more comprehensive mammogram. I needed to that last year too - it was just thick tissue, but I'm still scared.

I am trying to take some of your advice right now and give my anxiety to the Lord so He can help me to find peace. It is so hard to have that complete trust that it will all work out for the best no matter what that may be.

I am coming to you for strength tonight.

Denise in Texas

Sheryl said...

Denise-

Ok, girl. You've either got to get a blog or send me an email so that we can have a two way conversation. I am so sorry to hear of everything going on. You're definitely prayed for but I'd love to hear from you.

My email is dsmoerdyk@sbcglobal.net

Love,
Sheryl

UL Cards Fan said...

Hey Sheryl, I have been reading over your blog. WOW. You are going through a lot. I am glad we met. I'll be praying for you. LINDA

Amrita said...

Thank you for your prayers.

I was unable to listen to the song as i have slow dial-up connection.

So sorry about your illness. I suffered from acute vertigo due to my ear disease, but this Feb the Lord healed me of it during a revival meeting.He is our Great Physician

Tracy said...

Hi Sheryl!
So nice to "meet" you. I've seen you on some other blogs I visit. I had to giggle that we both have such good taste in blog templates!

I loved your post...so sorry to hear about your disease. It is truly "easy" to believe when all is going well, but when trials come...unbelief can quickly take up residence in our hearts. Stay saturated in scripture. Those words will remain in your heart on the most difficult days and be just the comfort you need.

Looking forward to keeping in touch.

Blessings,
Tracy

MarySnyder-Joy Filled Life said...

Sheryl,

You're a sister after my own heart. When you commented "now tell me how to do it" I thought, I like her -- I want to get to know her.
Your message today spoke straight to my heart -- and while my heart breaks for your physical illness, I see God's hand on your life.
I'll be back often to read about your life and like you, I'll continue to pray to BELIEVE GOD.

Cheryl said...

Sheryl,

I just happened upon your blog today and see that Kim had sent you Planetshakers singing "Healer." Friday I was on Hillsong's website and they have a new CD/DVD coming out in July. A man named Mike G. who was with Planetshakers and now Hillsong wrote this song.

There is a 9 minute video of Hillsong talking about this song and their worship.

Here is the link that takes you to their website and this video. It is an awesome video.

Enjoy!
http://www.hillsong.com/music/product.php?xProd=4603&xSec=796

Blessings!
Cheryl

De Anna Morris said...

You visited my blog from the Siestas for Him...and I thought I would stop by to visit you here on your blog...
Beautiful words from a beautiful woman of God. Thank for sharing your heart. And thank you for sharing the song..
I will be glad to believe God for your healing.

Joyfulsister said...

Hi Sheryl, I can so totally relate, My chronic illness has been at times a challenge for me in various ways. It's something I have to give to the Lord daily, and he is so faithful to see me through and keep carrying me through, you have a wonderful attitude and I know for me that is the key for getting through even the most challenging circumstances. Hugz Lorie

Pamela (MrsJoeB) said...

Sheryl-I know what you are talking about. It is in our brokenness-whether fro ma sin or a disease that we come to have intimacy with Christ if we choose to. Walk in your faith. God is big enough!!

In His Graces~Pamela

Sheryl said...

Sheryl,

How do you get the video on your blog? I can't figure it out.

Sheryl in Marietta

Alexia said...

Sheryl
How beautiful is your blog (give me your talent lol) THe neatest thing that I got from this is that you did not focus on you or your illness. It was all about how God is restoring you and rebuilding your faith and belief. I am so glad to have met you through our online NOGS. This seems to be a faith I have had once and have lost through lifes struggles. You are a great reminder to focus and redirect my thnking to God's ways. HE certainly is shining through and showing you HIS GLORY!!!! How neat. The song is so perfect for where you are and actually all of us are need healing from something. God Bless you so!
Love
alexia-savedbygrace

Jill said...

tears in my eyes.

this is exactly the disease i struggle with. and so desperately want to be healed from.

I pray for healing for both you and I, from the disease of unbelief.

i am so tired of battling with it, along with panic, anxiety, fear, depression and everything else that comes along with it!

i've had enough!

Kiesha said...

This post reminds me of my mother. She has been bed bound for over a year. She can't even go to the restroom, has to be put on a bed pan. She is only 58 and all this time she believed God would heal her so she could walk again, then she believed he would heal her enough so she could get into a wheel chair and sit up and go outside, to get her hair cut, just normal things.

Well I think slowly she has let go of any belief she was holding on to. And now believes she will spend the rest of her life in her bed. She's given up. I so wish I had a lap top so that she could read your blog. I know it would inspire her as it has me.