Nothing. I have nothing to say. Yet, I feel I'm supposed to be here. So we will just see what comes out. God made me with a very sensitive heart. When I see someone else hurting, I cry. I sense people's pain in a very odd way. Like I take it on myself. I cry over almost everything. Commercials, movies, praise music, funny stories, sad stories, you name it, it will bring this girl to tears. My kids think I'm a bit nuts, but they're used to it. They know if they write me a letter, they need to leave the room because I will be a puddle of tears in moments.
My heart is breaking for my kids right now. I am taking on their pain in a very real way. My heart literally aches. My husband's daughter has been staying with us (just me and the kids) for the past week. If you're new here, my husband has filed for divorce so he no longer lives here. Anyway, the fact that she is here is a long story for another day, but God is so full of mercy and grace. I feel her pain though. She is just waiting for her dad to call, to make a connection and nothing. He did the obligatory dinner one night but that was it. She is a daughter wanting to be chosen, wanting to be pursued, needing validation from her daddy. And she is not getting it. I cry. I weep. My kids feel the same way. Why doesn't dad want us? Why would he leave? How can he just go on with his life? Again. I cry. I weep.
I wonder how God feels? He is pursuing us, choosing us and at times we just turn the other way. If he weeps, it's because He knows what we are missing. The perfect father. The perfect relationship. We won't need validation from others if we find our identity in Him alone. How do we get there? It all sounds so good, so Christian, so spiritual, but how do we do it? Sure, read the Bible, pray, spend time with Him...I know all those things yet I sense He has more for me and I'm missing something. My worth doesn't come from my husband. In my head I know that, but my heart still hurts. My kids (all of them) want to be chosen by their dad, but for now they are not and I try to teach them of the unconditional love of the Father.
Jesus, your Word says that you came to bind up the broken-hearted. There are a lot of broken hearts in this home and in many others. Please come and minister to all of us. I am begging for each one of us to KNOW your love. Your Word also says that weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. Bring on the morning Lord. We are ready for your joy!!