Happy Monday! I have no idea why I said that, it was just the first thing that popped into my head. This ought to be an interesting post - I am scared already. Yesterday I was realizing that I am going through many major things all at one time. (I know...I'm quick like that!) Chronic Illness. Separation & upcoming divorce. Kids who don't want to see their dad. Biopsies. Seems like a lot at once. But I'm sure many of you have lots of big stuff too. The thing about the "big stuff" is that it is all out of our control. To me - that is a good thing!
Many have asked me how I am handling this. And the truth is - I am not! God is! He has to be. It's all too big for me to even attempt. And it is all "out of my control". In an odd way, that is a relief. I cannot stop any of these things. I cannot change upcoming test results. I cannot force my kids to have feelings they don't. I cannot stop a divorce. I cannot make my sickness disappear. I do my part and let God do the rest. You know what? He knows what He is doing. The fact that I have peace is evidence that God is hard at work. Boy am I grateful for that.
This relationship with my God has not been a dull one. If you've been with me long enough you know I had my prodigal years. (and I do mean YEARS) I'm not saying that I wouldn't go back and change anything but those years have proven to be a source of strength. Let me explain. If God would continue to pursue me and keep His hand on me during years where I wanted nothing to do with Him. Years where I ran from Him. If He would protect me then when I did not even ask for it. How I know that He loves me and will not take His eyes from me - He has to be in control. He had a plan for my life and NOTHING I could do would change that. He is sovereign. The road may have had a few more twists & turns than it needed to, but in the end it led right back to Him.
Right now the road is tough, but He is not surprised! This time I'm letting Him drive (most of the time). He is in control! Ya know, He's in control whether we believe it or not. We can fight to keep our hands on things and "try" to work them out. But why? He seems to have a pretty good handle on how things should be. Let's just let Him.
Out of control - and OH so glad!!