Pride?

Pride. Nope, not me. It is not an issue for me. No. Not a problem. I don't care if people notice me. It doesn't matter if others compliment me. I do NOT need accolades or recognition. Nope, not me.

Lies. All lies. Can't stand it when I see pride rear its ugly head. There are many who tell me how humble I am and I think "you do not really know me then". The thoughts that come into my mind remind me that pride is really lurking there. I don't like it. I hope that I do not do things just to get the "atta boy" but sometimes I wonder. Often, I wonder. What is my motivation? Is there anything in what I'm doing that is about me? It is so hard to do it all for the glory of God. As humans we want a little glory for ourselves to. Who does not want to be told that they did something well? Or how great they are? You want to be chosen and picked.

Actually all those things are fine in and of themselves. But are they my motives. Do I write because I like to or because I want people to notice and compliment? Do I dress to be comfortable or for others to tell me I look good? When I talk about my kids, is it really out of a mom's pride or is there any part of me that wants others to just know how great they are? Motives. They are so important. Why do I do what I do? If I know the motive I can usually tell if pride is involved.

You'd think that someone who has been home for over a year, someone whose marriage has fallen apart, someone who is dependent on others for so much...you'd "think" that person would have dealt with her pride issue. Wow, can't believe it when I see it so plainly. Lord, I want to say thanks for revealing it again but I can't stand to see it. How can my life be about you and not about me? Keep chipping away at my sinful nature that wants to puff myself up. The one you esteem is the one who is humble and contrite in spirit. Oh, I want to be someone that YOU esteem. One who does not do anything out of the wrong motive. Lord, I know what you've asked me to do now. I'll do it!