Tuesday, October 14, 2008

What Now?

I have debated about putting this out there but here goes. To those of you who I know in real life, I am sorry if it bothers to you to find out this way.

Last Friday I got a call that my annual mammogram showed some changes and I would need to come back in for a diagnostic mammogram with the radiologist on site to read it immediately. That happened yesterday. The radiologist came in with two other people so I knew I wasn't going to like it. She was unable to rule out malignancy so I will be having three (3) biopsies done at the end of the month. They are microcalcifications which can go other either way. No way to know without the biopsy. I will have have one biopsy done on the 28th on one side and then two biopsies on the 29th on the other side. Stunned. What more? Why? But then, why not me? God is still in control. He is not surprised. Fear - I want no part of fear! I've chosen to walk this out in faith that God loves me and will not allow it if it won't somehow bring Him glory.

There is a very good chance that they will all be benign. I know that. But there is the chance that it will be cancer. For now I am not telling my kids - there is NO reason to worry them for 3 weeks until I find out. Don knows. I called him. I miss him like I have not missed him. It's hard to face this without him. I realized how much of me is missing since he is not here. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe I should have been missing him more than I have. Life has just gone on. Haven't been praying for marriage restoration. Haven't been praying about the lack of relationship the kids have with their dad.

This is a wake up call. Cancer or no cancer. I need to be living intentionally!! Praying about what God places on my heart. Praying that only God's will be done in my life, Don's life and the lives of my kids. God would want my marriage restored. I need to pray HIS heart and not my own.

What does that mean for me to live intentionally? Decide I am going to make the most of each day. Enjoy the times where my symptoms are more manageable. Get out there and live life in my "new normal". It may not feel comfortable, I might not feel great but I need to try. Spend time really engaging with those around me. Speak into the lives of others. Learn more truths. Be in The Word. Praise Him more. Trust Him.

Father, you are not surprised. Keep my mind focused on you and not on the unknown. Overwhelm me with your peace. Use this Lord, please don't let it be wasted. Get me out of the way. I know you are working in Don's life. Give me the words to speak to him. Bring us your comfort. Forgive me, Lord. This is just one more step in the process of bringing beauty from the ashes of my life. My flesh wants healing. You know I do not want a cancer diagnosis. But I am getting to the point where I really do just want you to have your way in my life, however difficult that may seem to me. Love you, Lord.


23 comments:

Technonana said...

Sheryl, I have a friend that I would like to contact you... she is a breast cancer survivor.. do you mind if I give her your email address!!!
You know you are always in my prayers!!

Kim in NC said...

Sheryl,

You are so amazingly strong my friend!

Praying for you - for peace while you wait these few weeks, for benign results, for the kids, for Don, and for your marriage.

Love your attitude about getting out there and living. Such an inspiration!

Joyfulsister said...

Hey Sis..
I know it's in these moments that we start to think aout whay could be, please know I understand and have been there. Waiting for my liver results was not easy, trust the Lord and allowed him to carry me through. When the news was not good I had such a peace that only he could have given me to face whatever came my way. I know he will do the same for you. I will be praying that your tests will be good and that you will have peace as you wait.

Luv ya Lorie

Amrita said...

Hi Sheryl,

So concerned about you. May it all turn out OK.

Lord, please put your healing hand on my sister. Give her mind, body and spirit your comfort and rest.
AMEN

R.L.Scovens said...

I pray that everything turns out for you. Be strong in Christ and know that EVERYTHING is in HIS hands...NOT the doctor's!

A Lamp Unto My Feet said...

Sheryl-

Know that I will be praying for you. Praying for God's will to be done.

As you have already stated - He knows it all. And I must add that you are a very STRONG woman and God made you that way.

May these words be of comfort to you dear Sheryl:

This is what the LORD says-- he who created you:

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the LORD, your God.

Love you dearly.

ckuretich said...

Sheryl -
Boy...I don't even know where to start!!!! you know I am sitting here shaking my head, thinking - "soon it's going to be EVERY person I know!!" But truly. If this was caught early - there is so much hope. and it's ironic this would happen during Breast Cancer Awareness Month (aka pink nausea) because there is SO much info out there right now! Let's not cross this bridge til you know, obviously - but once we know, there are so many answers. all is not hopeless. It will be ok. I'm allowed to say that!!!

Thinking of you, and I'll be checking back to find out results - when will you have them? God is in this, no matter what.

De Anna Morris said...

Praying for you on this one. I had to go for a mamogram to check on some changes and then for an ultrasound and to a specialist a few months ago. The wait is not fun. The peace that comes from knowing who is in control is a blessing. My results turned out "peri-menepausal" in nature (no, I did not like the sound of that!)but to follow up again in a year. I pray you will have the same news. I pray for your peace and calmness during the wait. And I pray for your marriage...

Amy~Saved by Grace said...

praying for Gods mercy.... He loves you so much. stay focused on His face.

Suzanne said...

Praying for you, my friend.

Love,

Suzanne

Kimberly said...

Sherly, :)

I have no words, only tears and prayers my sweet friend!

Love you so very much...
Kimberly

Paula (SweetPea) said...

Your attitude never ceases to amaze me. I don't know what to say as you've said it all and said it all so very well.

I will be praying for you in this new way in addition to your health and marriage.

I hate how doctors have no regard for making us wait for appointments. Of course, it already is what it is so doing the test earlier won't change the results. However, this time of waiting could change you. Maybe that's why God allows such long waits between visits and results.
Sweet blessings on you.
Love and prayers,
Paula

Kim@Seasons of My Heart said...

Sheryl~

I wanted to encourage you today that nothing you are going through....has caught God by surprise. God is an all knowing God. He orders our steps, and he will be will you...even when you feel as though your foot is slipping.


365........that’s how many times Jesus said “Do Not Fear” in the bible. That is 1 “Do not fear” for everyday of the year.

Remember, often satan snarls and growls at you, whispering lies in your ears. He tries to defeat you at every turn. He tries to discourage you on a daily basis… “What if this???? What if that????? Do not allow him to creep into your thoughts inch by inch. Do not give him power over your outlook.

You can take back that power. You can take back your thoughts and your outlook. You can face your giant head on!!! You can praise him, win or lose. He knows your heart.

june said...

Sheryl,

I felt the nuge of the Holy Soirit
to look up your blog and see what
was going on in your life now.

I will be praying for you.

Sarah June
A day in the Word

Sheryl said...

Sheryl,

Oh my! I just got around to reading your post. I am praying for you.

Rest in HIM. He is all we need.

Keep us posted.

Sheryl

Jennifer said...

What an inspiration YOU are! Praying for comfort, joy & peace as you wait for your results and as you wait on HIM.

Jenn said...

Sheryl, I have had to deal with the unknown(cancer or not). It was an unsettling time in my life. But, it brought me so close to HIM. I am PRAYING for you. My favorite verse for times as these is Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God, I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you in my righteous right hand."

mary said...

My Dear Friend, Sheryl -
God has you in His hands, His heart, and His every breath. He will bring you peace and courage no matter what the next day, life test, or challenge may bring you. He is your rock, your salvation, your never ending shield in all that comes your way. Praying for you more than ever, and for Don and for your kiddos. God is so good, please allow Him to love you and take care of you.
love
mary

Cindy said...

Sheryl,
God's peace in the midst of the storm. Thank is my prayer for you. I agree with you that HE IS in control of all things and that HE will not leave your side.
Keep your eyes on HIM and I love your renewed attitude about praying for the restoration of your marriage.
I'll be praying and believing too!

Michelle said...

Oh Sheryl, I'm sure gonna be praying for you. Please feel free to e-mail me anytime if you wanna talk - no matter what happens, you KNOW I understand, friend.

Love,
Michelle

nancygrayce said...

I'm praying.....maybe it did Don good to know you would reach out to him.

Susan said...

I'm praying, Sadie.

Cheryl said...

Sheryl,

You are so correct, this is not a surprise to God. He already knows all.

Praying for BENIGN!

Love,
Cheryl