I've got nothing deep, nothing that God is saying to me. But I have a heart that is full and it needs to "get out". Think I'll just write about us tonight. It's been awhile since I've given you a real update on what is going on around here.
A year ago I had the privilege of meeting some Christian women online to do a Bible study. Friendships were formed and we loosely talked about one day meeting. It was hard to hear all the talk because of how sick I was. I knew it wouldn't be possible for me. Fast forward...I have just returned from Tennessee where I was able to meet several of them in person. GOD IS SO GOOD!! We had a riot. I witnessed God moving in my life so that I could be there. Thankful!!
My health is still a day to day journey. Some days are very decent and I can drive around town, do some grocery shopping (always accompanied by someone), eat out, clean house...all things I love. I have even been able to go to a friend's for Bible study once a week and you know I've been to church a few times! God has brought me so far in the past two years as far as my health goes. Even though each day presents me with challenges, I am trying to be grateful for how far I have come!!
God continues to ask me to pray for restoration of my family. Healing. Beauty from ashes! My "gut" still says that it will happen one day. When I see my kids and the pain they are going through. When I hear the pain in Don's voice. When I miss being married. In those times, it is easy for me to pray for healing. But when I get caught up in the selfishness of being alone (hard to explain that) there are times when I do not want to pray for restoration. Trying to be obedient. Trying to keep my heart softened to what God wants!!
I am so grateful for all of you and for your prayers. Please pray for my kids. David breaks my heart. I want to be able to make it okay for him. I know I can't. Ellie is in denial that her heart is hurting. It's not that I want the wound to bleed for her, but I want her to understand her need to deal with the loss.
I am hanging on and believing that God really does bring good from all things. He ALWAYS has in my past and I know He will continue to! There is so much good that has come already. I wouldn't change it for anything. The sickness has been a gift.
No greater gift than to be pursued by our Savior in order to know Him better.