If I could write knowing that "anonymous" would not be analyzing every word I write, here is what I would have to say.
We're struggling. This is HARD! I can't catch my breath. There are times that I think about the situation we are in and push the thoughts aside because it brings on so much anxiety. How are we ever going to make ends meet? What on earth can I do from home to bring in money? Is David going to be alright? What can I do to help him? Both kids have zero relationship with Don. They say they never had one before, so how/why should they have one now?
Don is hurting. I know that. But we all are. I am living it every single day and he doesn't have to see it.
Why is God allowing this?
I don't want to wrestle with God any more. Boy, I just want to come to a place of rest. Where I can rest in the knowledge that God is good! I can get to that place and then something will happen and I will jump from that place of rest. Sure this is a process. I know that. Everyone has something.
Lord, be near. I know you are but today I need to FEEL it. I need to KNOW it. You have done great things in our lives. I thank you for that. Get me out of the way if I am blocking what you are trying to do. Keep refining me. Keep refining us. But, please be gentle. This is painful. I know you are very acquainted with pain and I know that you love us. You never promised that we'd have lives that were problem free. But you did promise that you'd never leave us or forsake us. You are IN this with me. We are doing this TOGETHER!! Thank you, Lord.
**guess i am going to post this anyway, because i think God wants me to**