Monday, July 6, 2009

Wrestling

If I could write knowing that "anonymous" would not be analyzing every word I write, here is what I would have to say.

We're struggling. This is HARD! I can't catch my breath. There are times that I think about the situation we are in and push the thoughts aside because it brings on so much anxiety. How are we ever going to make ends meet? What on earth can I do from home to bring in money? Is David going to be alright? What can I do to help him? Both kids have zero relationship with Don. They say they never had one before, so how/why should they have one now?

Don is hurting. I know that. But we all are. I am living it every single day and he doesn't have to see it.

Why is God allowing this?

I don't want to wrestle with God any more. Boy, I just want to come to a place of rest. Where I can rest in the knowledge that God is good! I can get to that place and then something will happen and I will jump from that place of rest. Sure this is a process. I know that. Everyone has something.

Lord, be near. I know you are but today I need to FEEL it. I need to KNOW it. You have done great things in our lives. I thank you for that. Get me out of the way if I am blocking what you are trying to do. Keep refining me. Keep refining us. But, please be gentle. This is painful. I know you are very acquainted with pain and I know that you love us. You never promised that we'd have lives that were problem free. But you did promise that you'd never leave us or forsake us. You are IN this with me. We are doing this TOGETHER!! Thank you, Lord.

**guess i am going to post this anyway, because i think God wants me to**


27 comments:

C.C. and Double T said...

Praying for you...

UL Cards Fan said...

Let anon. analyze away. She does NOT know your heart but the rest of us do. You are a constant source of strength to your children and your friends. May you feel our love and God's peace today.
Keeping you close in prayer. Linda

Leslie said...

Good for you for posting, Sheryl! I'm glad you're choosing to trust God. Nobody knows what you're going through unless they've walked in your shoes! Remember, God is our only judge. (Oh, I should take my own advice! If you read my post from yesterday, you'll know what I mean by this.)

By the way, tag...you're it! You'll have to go by my blog today to see what I mean.

Prayers and Blessings to you!

Sheryl said...

Your words remind me a little of the study in Esther. Even though God's name is not mentioned...He's all over it.
Sometimes when we don't FEEL Him working in our lives, He's working. That's where our faith and trust come in.

I'm praying for you, my sister with a beautiful name (hee hee). Seriously, I am praying for you. God is there...He IS at work. Trust Him.

Sheryl

beyond this moment said...

I'm sorry about anonymous. I hope you don't allow that to make you feel unsafe here. I've been through a time like that and I'm praying that no one but God will influence your words here.

I'm sorry you're hurting and that your children are hurting (somehow that is so much worse than our own pain, isn't it?).I'm praying for peace and for God's glory for your whole family.

Amber said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amber said...

I ♥ you. I don't ♥ anonymous.

Courtney and the Boys said...

Ditto to what Amber said.

You're the bomb.

I pray that you feel God surrounding you today. He IS there, without falter.

So am I. :)

Kim in NC said...

There is so much to our struggles that seems to make no sense.

I know one day we will be able to look back and say "ah yes, that is why!", but for now we just trust that God is working things out for our good.

You are a picture of faith, Sheryl and an encouragement to those who know you! Praying for you and your family.

Faye said...

Praying for you all!I know how you feel! Hope you have a great day! Blessings, Faye

Nicole said...

Hi friend! God is so good, and I pray He shows that to you this day. Father, I humbly ask that you give Sheryl a big hug right now and love all over you. In your precious son's name, Jesus. Amen.

Love ya,
Nicole

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

I don't know what's going on with this anonymous situation, but God is in control of even your pain sweet friend, and you are being such a willing daughter even in your questions. I just pray that you find some peace in this situation soon. When we're in the desert, it seems like we'll never get out. Just sand all around us on every side. I'll try to remember to pray for you today.
Sasha

Kee said...

God is doing such a tremendous work in your life. I know you don't always see it and I know that it is so very painful for you and the kids. But He is there. There will always be someone who thinks they know better or will point out how should be doing things differently. Don't listen to them, you keep listening and following God's voice and only His.

You are always on my heart and in my prayers. When the pain gets to be too much let the people God has placed in your life through all of this hold you and lift you up. That's what we are called to do as Christians, to hold each other up, not judge or tear each other down.

Sending love and hugs to you today.

Heather of the EO said...

Oh lady. I just want you to know that you are so loved. And if I love you this much and I've never even met you, just imagine how much God loves you!

But that doesn't make it easy right now either. It brings you some peace, sure. But easy? NO.

Sometimes I think that we can rest and be all out of sorts all at the same time. So when you feel you've jumped out of that place of rest, maybe you really haven't. You can feel scared and sad, and still have peace.

I'm rambling, I think.

Laura said...

Sheryl,
I so needed to see this post. GOD uses you in ways that you may never really know.
GOD knows your heart and I am sure he is so proud of you. By keeping it real before him. You are his child. May he wrap you in his love.
May you know that your " siestas" are praying and you are never far from our hearts.
We love you.
Laura

He & Me + 3 said...

Praying that you find that rest & peace you are longing for.

JoAnn said...

My precious sister, how much you are loved. But no one loves you more or deeper than our King. Yes, its hard. Yes, its painful. Yes, we get frustrated, okay, even angry that this tribulation is upon us. But the beauty is God never, ever abandons or forgets us. He mourns for us. He grieves we have these things to travail.

But most of all, it takes COURAGE. I know you don't feel courageous right now but you ARE!!! You are one of the most courageous women I've ever known!

Feel all of us loving you, praying for you and with you. Rest in the assurance that God's Plan is greater than we can imagine...especially when we can't see it!

Love you so much,
Jo Ann

Susan said...

Hugging you from afar!

Jenn @ A Country Girl's Ramblings said...

So glad you posted this and didn't let "anonymous" stop you. I read the comment left by this person and was a bit peeved, to say the least.
I know, and so do many others who read your blog, that you are seeking God's will. You want what is best for each and everyone and that includes Don. You have a beautiful, loving heart. So keep at it!

I'm praying for you!

God's girl said...

I pray that you will feel God's arms surrounding you with His love and peace today! I pray that you will feel a tangible embrace from your Heavenly Father as you lean into His grip...

You are in my prayers.

Heaven

Just a little something from Judy said...

I have been thinking about you and what you wrote ever since I read it. Thinking, hurting, wondering what I can do to make it all better??? The mother in me always wonders that...how can I help? I have been praying and I know how powerful that is. Just wanted you to know.

Faith Imagined said...

Very honest!

Cheri' said...

I'm glad you went ahead and posted your heartfelt words regardless of anonymous. I think of you so often, read your posts and pray for you frequently. Sheryl, though I don't know you in person, it's obvious from those who respond to your posts that you are an awesome friend and someone who is greatly loved. I pray you will step into God's rest and peace. I too, find myself wondering what I can do to help. I know prayer helps, and so I will continue to pray for you and yours. I know God is right there with you -- I pray His powerful presence will envelope you!

Farmgirl Paints said...

Thank you for being so transparent. Your honesty is sure to hit a note in many...even me. My husband's job is in jeopardy and I struggle every now and then with wondering how we'll make it etc... I don't want to struggle either. I've said the words on your blog many times.

I am praying for you Sheryl. God is good. He will take care of you. Don't lose heart.

Paula (SweetPea) said...

Great post. I'm GLAD you published it. I can so relate to your prayer. That is my prayer to God also. Thankful yet desiring complete rest that doesn't just come and go in phases.

I'm so sorry your honest and genuine feelings have been disected. Having felt disected like that myself, it stinks!!! It's ugly, painful and just unnecessary.

I think God would be pleased at you continually seeking Him on your face and just being honest.

Love,
Paula

Transparent Mama said...

Thanks for posting this! There are parts of this that I could post myself. This wrestling is so hard. But, it is in the process of things that God can get in there and work. He can refine. We are certainly feeling His refining over here.

Something Beth Moore said in one of her studies- I think it was Esther- is not to "wait on the thing" whatever that thing is. Instead the Bible says"Wait on the Lord and he will renew your strength." That may not be quoted perfectly, but it is pretty close.

Amrita said...

This is difficult Sheryl, may God 's grace be yours.