Monday, May 5, 2008

You Want Me To Do What?

I've been having this nagging feeling. God's been talking tough with me. First I wanted to stick my fingers in my ears and start saying "lalalalala", but I knew it was no use. God said to me, "Sheryl, you are my child, you carry my name, now act like it" What? Who? Me?

So, first thing this morning I had to send out emails to many women asking for their forgiveness. You see I've been venting about my husband because he wants a divorce. Well, who can blame me for my feelings? But I was wrong to speak poorly of him and disrepect him in that way. I sent the email confessing my sin and asking forgiveness.

Okay, so that should be good enough, right? OH NO! Then God says, "I want you to be kind to Don. Don't just hold your temper, show him kindness". Oh brother, are you kidding? "Nope!" I pick up the phone, talk with Don, ask how he's doing, ask if there's anything I can take care of for him and tell him I'm still working really hard to get the kids to come around to seeing him". He tells me he appreciates and we hang up.

I've been begging for restoration of my marriage. I must be an active participant in that. Behave as I should behave no matter what Don sends my way. Be Christ in his life period! Show Christ! It's as if I want God to do all the work, wave His magic wand and ta-da, everything is better. Well, I am committed from now on to lean not on my own understanding, but in all my ways to acknowledge HIM!

Tomorrow I have to see an attorney but I am praying God presides over everything that is said and written. I'm praying for a new heart. A heart that loves my husband like never before. A heart that sees him as a man who needs Jesus more than ever. A heart that sees him as a man with deep needs and wounds. It hurts to love him, it's painful. I thought it was easier living in my anger. But I was living outside of the will of God.

Psalm 66:18 If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened

Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us

I don't always listen to that nagging feeling but I love it when I do and the peace that comes.


10 comments:

KELLY said...

Sheryl,
I was hesitant to leave you this comment - and I pray it does not come over as being ugly! :) But, when my husband and I were separated - it was the best advice I ever received. I pray that you receive this - knowing that when I say "I've been there"...I mean it!

Anyway, the largest hurdle I had to get over when my marriage was falling apart was concentrating more on my relationship with God - rather than my relationship with hubby. Realizing that I was not invited to be part of the his relationship with God. Ouch! That was hard....still is, to be honest. We were in counseling for 18 months - and did not work on the "marriage" until the last month...because we had some personal issues we both needed to get right with God.

I pray that your relationship with God comes before everything - including your desire for reconciliation. It's harder than it looks - when you are in the throws of feeling so out of control. Remember, that we serve a God who desires reconciliation - and I pray that you are able to really let go of your marriage - and completely and totally hand it over to God.

Believing God with you - because I've been there, too!

SweetPea said...

What to say...I seriously feel like I am sitting in a room with both of you gals, Kelly and Sheryl. We have all been there. My husband divorced me November 07 and it was NOT God's will no matter what CP thinks. CP told me when he left in June that God told him the covenant was broken and it clearly was not. Satan is deceiving him.

I totally agree with you Kelly and I too am really working on totally giving it up and not taking it back into my hands. I want reconciliation of my marriage very deeply and I can feel that grip getting looser. I do pray for my husband every day. However, it is praying scriptures over him and praying a head-to-prayer which focuses on his walk with God and him truly hearing God's small still voice.

I would assume that Sheryl received this message in love as I did. I love and cherish the words you said though...God want reconciliation. Others have tried to tell me "if it be His will." I personally find that bologna. I know it's God's will but it's a matter of CP and other husbands giving up their free will and succombing to God's path and desires for them. God never desired for a man to leave a woman because she had a sharp tongue and hateful words. (That's what CP did).

I cannot tell you how many times I've heard of Christian men cheating on their wives or just divorcing them b/c of mid life crisis. Divorce is wrong no matter what but with Christians is so terrible...it's Satan's ultimate goal. If he can break the relationship that is to mimic Christ's with the church, then he's on his way to destroy so many other things.

I really want to let go of my husband and my marriage and totally focus on God. For the last 24 hrs I have felt this incredible peace. It started last evening when I wrote my blog post. Before typing it, I was drawn to go outside...read my blog for the rest. For the rest of the evening I felt this feeling I couldn't describe. Today I was busy at work and felt myself very "happy" and socialable with the busyness of meetings and such.

I read this advice from Kelly and find such encouragement that is really what I need to do. In times of my pain and feelings of who is this man that has done this great injustice to me and God, I sometimes feel like I don't want this man anymore. However, I am true to the vow I made to God and when God calls me back to reconciling with my husband regardless of my feelings I WILL do it. Love is not a feeling. We DO love and then the feeling follows. We make the phone call and extend kindness to another when we don't want to....just like you did Sheryl.

Kelly, may I ask if you and your hsuband reconcile.

May this new circle of three friends here join together as we pray for each other to always put God first and then pray for God's Holy Power to touch our mates and resurrect our marriages and make them florish. I say resurrect because mine is officiallly dead with the divorce. I have no contact with CP as he refuses (I think because he can't face his feelings for me.)

Kelly, come see me and read my post from yesterday and hopefully time allows you to read them all. I will click on your name to see your blog now.

Love in Christ,
Paula

SweetPea said...

I wanted to say also that Eph 3:20 was my marriage verse. When CP and I met, we claimed that verse because God did more than we could ever imagine in divinely joining us together. There couldn't be a more perfect match in man and women. Our wedding was theme with puzzle pieces because that is how we saw each other...fit perfectly at two puzzle pieces. Granted we were/are two imperfect people perfectly matched.

I will claim Eph 3:20 for our husbands and our lives....
PP

Jenny said...

Hi Sheryl,
Your post reminded me of a marriage conference I went to one time, and the speakers, had divorced, his choice. Anyway, it was ugly, kids, a business the whole nine yards.

At some point God started turning her heart, just like it seems He is doing with you. 3 years after their divorce, they started back down the road together again. I think it was about another 2 before the re-married.

I'm divorced, but it was a very short marriage when I was very young. One thing we have in common though is the "be nice". He is not good to my oldest daughter, no support and very little interaction, but I am still called by God, to speak life when I talk about or to him. Not easy, and I fail many times, but I try!

We have been divorced 14 years, and Meghan is better of with me trying to be nice and not give into my flesh and have a hissy fit!

I hope you have a great day!

Jen

Anonymous said...

What wonderful words to read today. I feel that you have turned a corner, so to speak. It just tickles me that you phoned your husband with genuine kindness in your heart. That was a brave first step. I am certain that your husband was moved.

How are the new meds working? I hope you are starting to feel better.

Denise

Joanne said...

Sheryl,

Goodness, wow, what an amazing post. Sounds like the Lord is doing a mighty work in you my friend. On this roller coaster you are living on right now, He is the one steady rock of comfort and peace isn't He? And along the way you will be changed from the inside out. Praise God. I can't wait to hear what your husband thinks of this new kindness and love that he is going to see in you. What a blessing that you are going to help him restore his relationship with his children. I think that is the most beautiful thing I have heard all day.

Now just remember, if you start to get sad or angry or depressed, read this post! You have so inspired me tonight.

Blessings, Joanne

elizabeth embracing life said...

The emotions of what you must be going through are very familiar. I too wanted to have reconciliation in my marriage only to go through the worst time of my life. I know it's not an easy place to be in. And God is doing you a huge favor by convicting you of speaking ill-will about your husband, because regardless of the outcome, the best gift you can give your children is to show kindness, patience, and love towards this person that may be very hard to love.

God has been so faithful in my life and today I look at the blessings in my life and know that God was caring for me through it all. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

p.s. when my husband and I were going through a rough time we came up with this phrase "fake it to make it". This is my second husband and we both realized there are going to be days when we don't feel love, but that does not mean we still can't show it, even if we have to fake it. I know that may sound hokey, but it keeps us in a much better place with each other.

Susan said...

Dearest Sheryl,

Just want you to know my heart goes out to you during this difficult time in your life.

There were several very hard times in our marriage, and I'll never forget feeling so alone and desperate for ours to be healed.

I had a spiritual mentor/mom who advised me during these times to only look to Jesus and concentrate on my relationship with God during that time.

Oh, that was soooooooooooo HARD. Well, once I start focusing on me, the word and what God was trying to do in me, change began happening, IN ME...

I will pray and ask God to be there for you now, and for His word to speak to you, comfort you and encourage you.

Remember, no matter what God is there, you are HIS daughter and He adores YOU.

Praying for strength, comfort and grace for the days ahead.

Thanks for being such a blessing to me in your time of need.

Happy Mother's Day~

Nicole said...

Hi Sheryl,
The Lord is holding you in the palm of his hand. What wonderful advice you have received from these beautiful women...you are fortunate to have such "electronic" friends.
I re-discovered God's saving grace after my divorce...it led me straight into His arms. Although there is no hope for reconciliation, focusing on my relationship with God has encouraged me to be kind when I felt no kindness, to use gentle words when I was beyond angry, to be generous with my heart when my emotions were overdrawn. I will always pray that my former husband will be delivered to the Lord, but until then, I simply give what I can give while the Lord walks me through it. I stumble, and I forgive...I keep moving forward, despite all of the challenges, because I want my children to have good memories of their dad, even if they are few and far between. Some day, when my children are older, they will see their father in a different light, but they will see it on their own. Until then, I help them stay in love with their dad. I hope that makes sense...
I think about you often and it brings back so many emotions and memories for me...as well as the other divorced women who have commented here. You are not alone...keep praying for reconciliation and stay focused on Him.
Blessings, Nicole

Beloved MaMa said...

God is teaching me to forgive and to ask for forgiveness... that's the hard part for me! asking for forgiveness!!!