I've been having this nagging feeling. God's been talking tough with me. First I wanted to stick my fingers in my ears and start saying "lalalalala", but I knew it was no use. God said to me, "Sheryl, you are my child, you carry my name, now act like it" What? Who? Me?
So, first thing this morning I had to send out emails to many women asking for their forgiveness. You see I've been venting about my husband because he wants a divorce. Well, who can blame me for my feelings? But I was wrong to speak poorly of him and disrepect him in that way. I sent the email confessing my sin and asking forgiveness.
Okay, so that should be good enough, right? OH NO! Then God says, "I want you to be kind to Don. Don't just hold your temper, show him kindness". Oh brother, are you kidding? "Nope!" I pick up the phone, talk with Don, ask how he's doing, ask if there's anything I can take care of for him and tell him I'm still working really hard to get the kids to come around to seeing him". He tells me he appreciates and we hang up.
I've been begging for restoration of my marriage. I must be an active participant in that. Behave as I should behave no matter what Don sends my way. Be Christ in his life period! Show Christ! It's as if I want God to do all the work, wave His magic wand and ta-da, everything is better. Well, I am committed from now on to lean not on my own understanding, but in all my ways to acknowledge HIM!
Tomorrow I have to see an attorney but I am praying God presides over everything that is said and written. I'm praying for a new heart. A heart that loves my husband like never before. A heart that sees him as a man who needs Jesus more than ever. A heart that sees him as a man with deep needs and wounds. It hurts to love him, it's painful. I thought it was easier living in my anger. But I was living outside of the will of God.
Psalm 66:18 If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened
Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us
I don't always listen to that nagging feeling but I love it when I do and the peace that comes.