Sunday, May 31, 2009

Absolutely NOT!

If you've been around here long enough, you know how it goes with me and the Lord. I get this unsettled feeling that there is something I need to write. Never really knowing for sure what it's supposed to be. Today it is almost an overwhelming sensation. Try as I might to do other things, I just can't shake the "need" to get it written. Problem is...I have no idea what IT is.

Just finished reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan for the second time. Amazing book. Life changing book if you don't just set it aside and say that it was a good read. I tend to do that. Feel some conviction, ponder - then nothing! This time I just know that I know that I know that there is something I need to obey. Something I need to DO.

So, I ask God. Show me. I read back through the verses I am memorizing for this year. Thinking maybe there is something in there. I come across the verses in Mark that I memorized. (ok, that is a lie, I did not memorize them - I said I would, but they are not in my memory bank) It's from Mark 11:24-25 and my paraphrase is that when you ask for something in prayer, believe that you have received it.

Thing is, there is more to those verses. It also says that if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you. Well.....this is how that conversation just went between me and the Creator of the Universe.

Me: So, are you saying that I have to forgive Don?

God: silence

Me: Well, it's not gonna happen!!

Yep, that is how I just talked to God. Good thing He is not in the mood to zap me today. Seriously, who do I think I am? God isn't asking us if we "feel like" forgiving people. He is commanding us to. You know that usually (always) when there is a command it is for our own good, because He loves us. He knows that if we follow what He tells us to do, then our lives will be full of more joy, peace, contentment.

Don does not need to admit his faults (boy I want that). Don does not need to say he had any role in the disintegration of our marriage (I really want that). Don does not need to ask for forgiveness! I am not forgiving him for his sake but for mine. To be free from bitterness. To be free from continued pain. To be obedient to a Father who loved me enough to send His Son to die on a cross for sins that I never even admitted to.

Lord, I do NOT want to do this. There is nothing in me that wants to forgive. It will only be You in me. Fill me up Lord, get rid of me. Empower me to do what I cannot.

Phew...I am exhausted!


26 comments:

UL Cards Fan said...

WOW AGAIN Sheryl. You ARE a writer even if no royalties have arrived yet!
CRAZY LOVE changes everything I thought a Christian was. I know that God requires me to give EVERYTHING I have to Him But I sorta want to say with you ABSOLUTELY NOT!
How Crazy is that. God wants the best for me, He is the best for me so why in the WORLD would I want to withold anything from Him?
Because the WORLD teaches just the opposite.
Jesus, take me out of the world and into your presence. Make me completely obedient to your will. And most of all help me and my friend Sheryl say ABSOLUTELY JESUS.
Love you Sheryl. Linda

Leslie said...

I think we all have somebody (or a few somebodies!) that we need to forgive and just don't want to. God is just going to keep chipping away at us until we can take ourselves out of the equation (our pride and selfishness) and forgive the person. Someone wrote in their blog recently (I really can't remember who) that even if we forgive someone, it doesn't make their actions correct. They were still wrong, but we're choosing to forgive them despite that. Thinking about it that way kind of makes it easier to do (at least for me).

Hugs and blessings to you!

Faye said...

What a beautiful post! Please keep us in your prayers! Hope you are havein a great day! Love, Faye

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

That's the next book on my list to read.....Love the post....Happy Sunday!

-stephanie- said...

I hear you girl. If I were God, I'd be thinking about me..."Who does she think she is?" and He has every right to think that. Lord Jesus, help us.

jerriann said...

That did it, I'm stopping at the book store and buying that book the first chance I get. I need me some of that.

Beautiful post, Sheryl, I am so glad I found you, thanks for coming by my place. Don't forget to leave a comment on the give away post so I can put you in the drawing, twice. :)

Sasha said...

Oh my word! I'm visiting from Farmgirl Paints, and I LOVED your post!! I have had to learn true forgiveness from hurts caused by my father, and it took me ten whole years... I SO totally know that area of space. What an amazing, vulnerable post. Thankyou so much for sharing, and I would love to stop by your blog again someday! Bless you, and your heart in this journey.

Kelli said...

A great post that I relate to very, very, very well. I blogged a while back about this very subject, and my pastor said something that helped me to instantly forgive. "There isn't a person on this earth that I love enough, or hate enough, to go to hell for."

Nobody, especially not some stupid, lying, cheating, manipulating, abusive man (referring to my ex husband). Because you see, I must forgive him, but God didn't say that I had to like him or be his friend. I can forgive and move on with my life by the grace and mercy of my heavenly Father. Amen.

Thanks for sharing this today! I'm a new follower. :)

christy rose said...

Sheryl,
I have found that forgiveness manifested in me comes not because I am trying to make myself do it because God tells me to but as an overflow of His power in me when I am sitting at His feet asking Him to show me Who He is and receiving His forgiveness toward me for my inabilities and failures myself. His mercy, His grace, His Kindness, Hiss goodness toward me melt my heart and overflow from me into others and sometimes I do not even realize it is happening, once again a gift of His grace.

Seek Him and His nature and He will empower you.

Christy

Susan said...

Several years back a woman had hurt us with her words...very severely. I told God I wouldn't forgive her and then I finally got around to telling him that every time I saw a car that was like hers (they were ubiquitous!) I'd pray for her. What I found was that every time I saw a car, I'd grudgingly offer a prayer for the woman.

Finally, my husband said, you know you don't have to do that, right? So, I stopped...and forgiveness came.

Don't ask me?!

Oh Sadie. You will forgive. Then you'll be free.

Laura said...

Sheryl,
I so needed this post tonight.
Your post exactly spells it out for me.
When I first read it I got mad at myself caused I realized that I am at the same situation myself toward someone who hurt me years ago. I thought that I had forgiven but thorough some life situations GOD has reminded me that I haven't.Simply it has not been pretty for me lately.
So my heart tonight is so tender for the LORD and his continued work in my life.
Something that I heard today at church that totally rocked my world is how can I worship GOD and say I love him and then I am not obedient to him?
Ouch. Those words hit me.
Thank you for being real and being tender to GOD's continued work in your life.
Love you lots,
Laura

Farmgirl Paints said...

That's it... Forgiveness. Our pastor just talked about that tonight in his sermon. Forgive as soon as possible and don't carry it with you or you might just be angry all the time. Living with unresolved anger is not good for you.

Technonana said...

Oh Yes, My Friend, if we are honest we can all say... "I have been there!" But I don't remember God ever saying it would be easy!! True Forgiveness never is!! And I never heard Him say that you had to set yourself up to be hurt again. When someone you love hurts you, betrays your trust, that trust must be regained, and that my friend is up to them.

Just a little something from Judy said...

As I read down through this post, I found myself agreeing with you in the "absolutely NOT" mindset, but then like you...I KNOW without a doubt, that "you shall know THE TRUTH and THE TRUTH will set you free. Freedom is an amazing gift...it brings peace, joy and blessing. When we come to the realization, that it just is not about us...and it is totally about HIM, therein lies our freedom. We are His vessels, which means He does the forgiving when it is impossible for us to do it. I like when God lays something He wants you to share with us, on your heart. I'm on the journey with you.

Paula (SweetPea) said...

Good post. raw, real, honest...

Lucy said...

Forgiving someone when they haven't asked for your forgiveness is the hardest kind...when they haven't admitted the hurt they've caused you. And yet it is the Jesus way. But not an easy way.
Forgiveness is a journey, I think, made of many steps, especially when the pain is that raw.
I don't have anything to offer you in word form, but I feel it.

Pam said...

yup. i hear you. over and over again. willing to be made willing comes to mind. it also comes to mind that I have to do MORE forgiving here to. it seems it just goes on and on....

Alicia, The Snowflake said...

Oh, I know exactly what you mean. Forgiveness is so hard. But yet so necessary. Thank you for that reminder today my friend!

Emily said...

Sheryl Sheryl Sheryl. I miss you SO much. Your posts always bring me right back into your living room as if I am sitting on the couch with you. And that is something we must do! I'll keep calling, no worries on that end, but one of these days I'd just like to hear your voice!

Nicole said...

Praying that you will be able to forgive. For it is truly for our good and His glory. I saw my cousin-in-law write this at the end of a letter she wrote to her family for Easter. I thought, "yes, that is the way it is when it comes to obeying the Lord". Amen! Love ya girl.


Nicole

Joanne@ Blessed... said...

Sheryl,

I'm reading Crazy Love too. I'm only at about chapter four though. Don't be too hard on yourself. What you're going through is a process. It's never a done deal. Keep doing what you're doing, talking to God about your feelings and then writing them down. You never know who they will touch.

...and I chose your blog as one of my "Blessed Blogs" of the month this month.

And so you know, I woke up in a cranky, foul, ugly mood today. I have no idea why either. Ahhh, life. Come quickly Lord Jesus!

Lissa said...

Oh sweetie, I'm right there with you! But we can't let unforgiveness and bitterness creep in! now... take a deep breath... you CAN do it and let those balloons go!!!! Praying for you! xo

Kristen said...

May God bless you! It is so hard to figure out what God is saying when you know He is saying something and you just have no idea what, or you know what but don't want to accept it :) That tends to happen to! But you are right, God doesn't ask us to forgive, He knows that when we do we will be free of what has been holding us back and He always knows what is best for us- even if we don't always want to accept it. I pray that through God you will forgive Don and thank you for sharing your thoughts with us!

His Girl said...

the moments in which I realize that my grace for others can't be dependent on whether or not I think they are 'worthy' of forgiveness are those moments when I feel the closest to God.

May forgiveness come quickly :D

LisaShaw said...

This is so true:

"I am not forgiving him for his sake but for mine. To be free from bitterness. To be free from continued pain. To be obedient to a Father who loved me enough to send His Son to die on a cross for sins that I never even admitted to."

Susan said...

As you can see, you are not alone in your battle Sheryl.

Thanks for bringing it out in the open, so we all can exam our hearts as well.

Love that book, I'm about to read it again.

Have you seen any of his videos?

Praying you through these hard times. You will conquer, you will walk in complete VICTORY. Not by your might, not by your power, but by HIS spirit!

You love Jesus this much♥