I know I need to write. From the comments and the emails I've gotten I know people have felt my pain and are truly lifting me up in prayer. I am grateful. In my last post, when I said I felt like I was 9 again, I meant it was that "feeling" of thinking God isn't listening to me. I KNOW He is and I'm telling satan to leave me alone because it does not matter what I feel it matters what I know. And I know God listens and I know He loves me
I led Breaking Free 6 times (do you see a pattern?). It was through this study that I finally realized God's love for me. I am not going back on that. I am NOT starting over. God seems to be silent right now in the area of my health and in the area of my marriage, yet I know He is working. I've read recently about the account of Lazarus' death and how Jesus could have gone right away to his home. Yet he waited. Mary and Martha wondered why would he wait, He could have come. If He had come, Lazarus wouldn't have died. In my reading it was pointed out how in Jesus waiting he was able to do something greater, bigger, than simply healing Lazarus. Jesus is into doing big things. I am believing Him that He loves me, that He is working on my behalf, that His eyes have not left me even for a moment, and that He leaves me in poor health for a greater purpose.
The days are long when I am bed-ridden. Lord, help me to spend those days in prayer instead of pity. Filled with joy instead of jealousy. Anticipating the unexpected and the miraculous. May I pray big prayers, faith filled prayers! May you continue to work in Don's life. Whatever that takes. Give me the strength for the journey. Thank you for the "bloggers" who have picked up the cause with me to fight for my marriage. Amazing!
Lord, thank you for all the ways you have said "I love you" in the past few days! They have come in some funny and unusual ways, but I know it's you. From a freezer full of meals, to a donation for David's mission trip, house cleaning, Bible study in my home, phone calls, emails and comments from women I will never meet. Thank you, Lord and I love you too!