I know I need to write. From the comments and the emails I've gotten I know people have felt my pain and are truly lifting me up in prayer. I am grateful. In my last post, when I said I felt like I was 9 again, I meant it was that "feeling" of thinking God isn't listening to me. I KNOW He is and I'm telling satan to leave me alone because it does not matter what I feel it matters what I know. And I know God listens and I know He loves me
I led Breaking Free 6 times (do you see a pattern?). It was through this study that I finally realized God's love for me. I am not going back on that. I am NOT starting over. God seems to be silent right now in the area of my health and in the area of my marriage, yet I know He is working. I've read recently about the account of Lazarus' death and how Jesus could have gone right away to his home. Yet he waited. Mary and Martha wondered why would he wait, He could have come. If He had come, Lazarus wouldn't have died. In my reading it was pointed out how in Jesus waiting he was able to do something greater, bigger, than simply healing Lazarus. Jesus is into doing big things. I am believing Him that He loves me, that He is working on my behalf, that His eyes have not left me even for a moment, and that He leaves me in poor health for a greater purpose.
The days are long when I am bed-ridden. Lord, help me to spend those days in prayer instead of pity. Filled with joy instead of jealousy. Anticipating the unexpected and the miraculous. May I pray big prayers, faith filled prayers! May you continue to work in Don's life. Whatever that takes. Give me the strength for the journey. Thank you for the "bloggers" who have picked up the cause with me to fight for my marriage. Amazing!
Lord, thank you for all the ways you have said "I love you" in the past few days! They have come in some funny and unusual ways, but I know it's you. From a freezer full of meals, to a donation for David's mission trip, house cleaning, Bible study in my home, phone calls, emails and comments from women I will never meet. Thank you, Lord and I love you too!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
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8 comments:
I am glad that you are feeling God's love again. He would never leave you alone, especially at a time like this.
I am also praying for you. I pray that your symptoms are less severe and you are able to get out and about again soon. I pray that your husband will consider giving your marriage another chance. That would be the first step in getting the two of you back together.
You are building an army of supporters. Count me in as one of those ladies who was drawn to your blog....God's hand at work perhaps.
Texas
Wow, I just got a chance to read this post and it sounds like even though things are still not easy for you, that you seem in better spirits. I especially love where you said that you're "not going back" and "NOT starting over".
You know what you know, and that is all that matters. I believe that amazing things are going to happen as a result of what you are going through now because of the faith you have in Him.
All caught up on your blog-
I'm so sorry that this is such a terrible, awful time for you-
are you a reader? I'd love to suggest a book you might enjoy...
A Future and a Hope by Jon Courson
I'll continue to pray for you, girl!
Sweetie,
You keep hanging on that promise that you are loved with a love that is without measure. Some days you will feel it overflowing and on the days you are more tired of feel sick, you may feel alone, BUT you know HE is there and you choose to believe that!
I am glad you mentioned your reading of Lazarus. I too struggle with why GOD waits or what is HE doing, but I am called to trust and believe and have faith.
As the Bible Study, Believing GOD states -"GOD is who HE says HE is; GOD can do what HE says HE can do; I am who GOD says I am;I can do all things through Christ;HIS word is active and alive in me - I'M BELIEVING GOD!"
Have you had a chance to do that Bible study? You can do it online from Lifeway now. Let me know if you are interested.
Still believing and still interceding!
Teri
I stumbled across one of comments on another site and noticed that you are also from Michigan. Isn't it looking like it is going to be a gorgeous day outside today? Crack open a window and breathe in God's beauty. I hope that things start getting better for you real soon.
Smiles!
Sheryl, I just love this post. God showed me one day in this same story how he had other purposes to achieve through Lazarus' death. (God always has multiple layers to all he does.)
Lazarus' death also became a reference point for the disciples so that they could better understand what truly happened at Christ's resurrection. Like you said, preparing for bigger things.
In times of silence I've found that it's not that God's really silent, he just doesn't have anything to tell us yet. Something else is pending. Once that is revealed, he will reveal more to you.
I know how hard it is to be patient in those times of waiting. And like I said, God always has multiple reasons. One of which is to make us more and more Christ-like, which entails knowing our father and trusting him emphatically, even when what we see tells us otherwise.
Praying for you, girl. You remain on my heart and in my prayers.
(((((((HUGS)))))))
Oh, how I LOVE the story of Lazarus. You are right indeed...Jesus did not want to heal a sick man but rather He wanted to raise a dead man. I claim that for my life also. He did not save my failing marriage but post divorce He will raise a dead marriage. His resurrection of my marriage will come and so will your health and marriage in HIS time and HIS way!!!
God is a god of miracles and He loves impossible situations. Why? Because His glory will be shown to all...everyone will know it is HIM!
Impossible odds lead to amazing miracles! Remember that!
Love,
Paula
What if the answer is, "I'm going to leave you in prison but I'm going to be there with you and by your example lives will be changed". Would you accept that? Could I?
I know that sometimes prayers aren't answered the way we want. I don't have the spiritual maturity to always understand or even accept. I do know that God is big enough to take my rants toward him. Yours too, right?
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