Monday, April 7, 2008

My Focus

I haven't felt much like writing. But I usually find those are the times that I need to write the most...when I don't feel like it. I've been basically stuck in my bed since last Wednesday (that would be 6 days) because my symptoms have been so bad. Those make for some very long days! A friend came by last night, because she just knew I was feeling down and overwhelmed, but boy did she get to hear me rant. I feel let down by everybody. Nobody can possibly understand. And then I get to hear about everyone's trips, or complaints about their husbands, or issues with all the errands and chores they have to run. Give me a break. Count your blessings that you have "things to complain about"!!

Alrighty then....doctors are going to switch my meds again which means another round of weaning myself off of this one, being totally med free for several days, starting a new med and waiting 4 weeks to see if the next one works. I'm grateful for my doctor at Northwestern that he is not giving up, it is just a long process and at times frustrating. I ask God why He doesn't just heal me when I know He can. But He doesn't answer. This is certainly not the worst thing that could ever happen to someone but right now it feels like it to me. And it is hard to do it alone. (I know, I know, I have the Lord...but I mean someone here with me)

Kids went back to school today. Now they'll be counting down the days until summer vacation. I actually look forward to the relaxed atmosphere of summer and not really having a schedule. We live so close to the beach that they spend almost every waking moment there with their friends and they love it! I don't know if they realize how fortunate they are to have such a beautiful beach that close. You know how you take something for granted when you grow up with it?

Kind of like my relationship with Jesus. I grew up with Jesus always in my life. My home was Christ centered. My dad served as the dean at two different colleges in the suburbs of Chicago. So Jesus was just a part of my life. I accepted Him as my Savior when I was around 6 and I think I took Him for granted, like my kids take the beach for granted. Glad He's there, assume He will always be there, sure is nice to have around...but didn't really appreciate all He had done for ME until I really got to know Him for myself and boy am I glad I did. I want to make sure my kids get to know Jesus for themselves not just through their mommy. The beach won't always be there but Jesus will.

I love you, Lord! Help me today to be grateful for even the smallest of things. May I focus on you and not on me. Focus on what I can do and not on what I can't. Give me a heart of mercy toward those who mean well but just can't fulfill what I need them to. Bring your healing -bring it on!!


Anonymous said...

Anonymous here. (just call me Texas) Have you tried to find an internet support group or forum for other suffering from vertigo/dizziness? Maybe you would feel better if you had some others to communicate with who are in the same or similar situations health-wise.

There was no internet back when I had my initial attacks, so I did not have this option. I wish I did though.

Why not do a google search & see what you can find?

Suzanne said...

Just wanted to say that I'm praying for you and hope you feel better today.

SweetPea said...

(I know, I know, I have the Lord...but I mean someone here with me)

Wow, I can so hear myself say those exact words of yours...