Yesterday I stopped talking about us and focused on others. Today I feel sorry for myself again. Then HE reminded me of how He answered those prayers for others. Tricia has her new lungs! Can you even believe it? Unimaginable that if she stays infection and rejection free she will eventually take a deep breath (easily) for the first time in her life. God answered.
David and Christin - they are home from the hospital and looking toward the future with great anticipation of the joy that lies ahead. Her blog today was filled with humor and news of David's spirits being lifted. AMEN!
Little Lauren seems to be making progress after taken a terrible beating at the hands of her babysitter! God is answering prayer. I said I was taking a day off from wallowing in my issues to focus on others and God came through in mighty ways. Yet I find myself feeling sorry...for me!
It is probably because I am very symptomatic. For those of who are new and don't know the whole situation - long story short is I have a chronic equilibrium problem. Some would say it is chronic vertigo. But it isn't terrible spinning all the time but it is a sense of never having complete balance. It affects each and every aspect of my life. Some days are just way worse than others and this is one of those day. So I feel sorry. And I don't want to, I want to praise God for the miracles He is performing! (Can't help it, but I want a miracle for myself too)
Today I also feel for my kids. They don't complain but I know they wish they had their "fun" mom back. (oh yeah, I was fun) But I also feel blessed because they rally around me and give me a lot of help and support. Our family is broken apart right now. With the illness and the separation. It's all so much for the kids, yet they amaze me. I am going to continue to pray for complete restoration: for my body, for my marriage, for this family........
Okay, enough about me and the all the depression. Yuck, I hate it when I get that way. As I've said before we are the ONLY ones who stayed home for spring break (according to my daughter) so I told her I would take her tanning. I called the other day to see when we could get in and talked on the phone for quite a bit and got us both appts at 6:30 (oh yes, I was gonna make myself walk in there, anything for vanity). Anyway, I got off the phone and said to Ellie, "she said we can come at 6:30". Evidently Ellie could hear the conversation because she is like "that was a he, mom, that was NOT a she". Are you kidding me? So the rest of the day we've got this bet going about the he/she at the tanning salon. Oh yea, Ellie won. Guy alright!! I needed a good laugh, probably really isn't funny, but these days, I'll take anything I can get.
There is a storm all around this family right now but God is not surprised by it. We will praise Him in it! There is much to praise Him for. If you read, please leave a comment. I seriously can go days without much contact from the outside world. (wow I sound desperate!) And I am NOT used to that.
I don't know that I have ever come back and added to a post except to edit or update but I am compelled to come back. I am on the verge of a floodgate of tears! I am so tired of being sick. But I don't hear others complaining, why do I? My son keeps coming in my room with different foods from the fridge and reading off the "sell by" dates, asking if they are any good. I don't even have milk and no way to go and buy some. Sure I can pick up the phone and ask someone to go buy it but I just want to be well and do it myself!! It is a struggle to get to the kitchen and get myself food. I couldn't prepare a real dinner yet again tonight! I want my life back. But I'm pretty sure it's not going to happen so why can't I just accept it. There are people with far worse things who don't sit around feeling sorry for themselves. I just feel alone today, tonight and worn out!! That's it, I'm just worn out! Lord, please bring healing. I am begging that if you don't heal my body that you would heal my emotions and my broken heart. I think I need a really good cry first. Maybe I can fit that in tomorrow.