Sunday, March 16, 2008

It's Hard

Wow, this is hard. It's all just so hard. Hard being sick. Hard being separated. Being a "single mom" and being sick. Hard trusting the Lord and knowing that I'm hearing Him right. Hard spending time time with God even though I've got nothing but time. How is that even possible. It's like, I've got all the time in the world and so many days I just don't get around to it. I read "The Shack" recently and it really made me think about how much more there is to this christian walk than I have been experiencing. So much more that Christ wants to give me, the fullness of life in Him. But how? How do I get that? To live my life in Him and through Him and not just cry out when I am desperate.

Life is hard. But then again this isn't all there is. I am slowly learning to remember to put things into eternal perspective. This life is but a 'blip', this is not what it is all about. It sure feels like it some days though. But this is just prepartion for what God really has in store. If only I could keep that mind-set.

Now for some good things. I have actually had a few "decent" days physically. I helped to organize a huge spa day fundraiser for the Mission to Mexico trip this summer. It was a big success and we raised over $4500. God was so good and He allowed me to be able to go and be there both days. When you have been home-bound as long as I have that is a miracle.

I don't know what lies ahead for our family. Will our family be restored? Will Don and I work out our marriage? Will he get the help and healing he needs? I don't know. But I do know that I begin counseling this week. I know the kids and I are doing well. God is trustworthy and loves us. We have great family and friends. I do know that whatever happens God is ultimately in control and boy am I grateful for that. If anyone besides me is reading this, please continue to pray for us, and pray for my "friends" that I don't know David & Christin-you can read about them here. (I really don't even know them but I feel compelled to pray)

1 comment:

Vikki said...

I can remember how hard life was, back in the years when my husband was using. actively using drugs, bingeing, meaning he would work all week and party all weekend. and I did everything. paid all the bills, took care of the kids, worked full time, barely slept all weekend. I don't know how I did it - and I didn't even have a physical illness.