Tuesday, March 18, 2008

What is the Story?

I just feel like rambling today. So much in my brain yet so little seems worthwhile to write about. Well, this is just for me anyway. Although I saw the "hit counter" and someone must be looking.EDIT: And if you are reading: please post. It's nice to feel connected. Oh well...God is up to something. Isn't He always? Would you want to know what He is up to if you could? I don't know if I would. Sometimes I think it would help to know the end of the story and then maybe it would help as I'm going through the process. But what if the end of the story isn't the ending I want? How do I know what I want anyway? See what I mean by rambling...

Physically feeling "decent". Waiting for those days that I can do all those things that most moms complain about. Grocery shopping. Laundry. Scrubbing the floor. Cooking. Vacuuming. Dusting. Cleaning bathrooms. Driving kids everywhere. It is not that I have not done them at all in the past 10 months it is just that I haven't done them very often and when I have it has been with a lot of effort. I am holding on to hope that God will give me courage and ability to lead life in my "new normal".

Emotionally feeling at peace and that seems weird and wrong. Don and I have been separated 3 weeks. I am praying he seeks counseling. That God will intervene in a powerful way. That God will restore the years the locust have eaten in our family. My heart's desire is that our family will one day be restored but for now...for this time, we will live apart and the kids and I are at peace and healing. I love you, Don. But this is the way it has to be until you trust the Lord with the pain you're holding onto.

This Perch I'm on has become my friend. I no longer look at it with disdain and wish my life were different. This perch has taught me many lessons, brought me many friends, shown me the needs around me. Who would have thought that I would have been sitting on The Perch for 10 months? I don't know how much longer I'll be here. But it won't be wasted. God continues to lead me to many different blogs and burdens me to pray for people as if I really know them. Maybe that's why I'm here. I don't know the end of the story......yet.


2 comments:

Tightening the Corset Again said...

Mine is not a perch, it's a nest. It's where I hid for months when depression gripped my heart and mind. It's where I nearly died from an overdose... God brought me out of the nest, into a beautiful new life. Of course, seeing the beauty in it meant letting go of some of my expectations and desires... he's like that, isn't he? Now when I'm in the nest it's a time of discovery and prayer and healing... not a place of hiding.

Loving you more with every post!

Laura said...

Not even sure if you will even see this comment. But I just decided to go back and read over some of the blogs. I so love you and your realness. What a journey we are on...
Love ya