I just want to be able to take care of myself. Do my own grocery shopping. Clean my house without effort. Simple things, yet for me - today - things that I cannot do. Having others do for me is so much harder. It takes a lot more work. I just want to get up and do it myself. Frustrated. That's what I am. Just plain old frustrated!! And weary, so very, very weary. Day after day it's all the same. I open my eyes in the morning and my first thought is "how am I going to feel today, is it going to be a bad one?" I am controlled by my circumstances. And I don't want to be.
Tears come easily these days. Not really even sure what kind of tears they are. Tears when I think of Stu reaching out to Don. Just because of all that Stu has been through, yet he is willing to pour into us so that MAYBE our marriage can be saved. Tears when I think of the hurt pent up in the souls of my kids. Physical hurt can be seen and more easily healed, but the soul hurt sometimes doesn't make it to the surface. Oh the pain I feel for D&E. Father I pray for their healing from the inside out. And then the tears of frustration. I just want to be well. Lord, I want to be well!!
No doubt you direct my path each day, nothing is by accident. I've been led to so many blogs and then not known how I got there in the first place but I know YOU are in that. Thank you for the perspective it gives me. Even if for a moment. Lord, bind up our broken hearts. Give Don the Spirit of wisdom and revelation. May we not hinder your work in our lives in any way.
Monday, March 10, 2008
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