Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Time to Practice What I Preach

I really need to vent. Things did not go well with Don and "the man he trusts". Well, they got along fine but it looks like we have a long road ahead of us. Looks like divorce. But looks can be deceiving and God is still in this. I am always the one saying that you just need to trust God. Not trust God to do________________. Just trust God. I want to trust God that He will bring beauty from ashes in my marriage. I want to trust God that he will restore our family. I want to trust God that He will heal my hurting heart. I want to trust God that he will heal the pain my kids feel. When really I just need to trust God. I say it all the time. (It is something I learned from Beth Moore) Now I need to practice it. You know, God teaches you something and then comes the test to see how well you learned what He taught you. I hope that test is short and easy. I've always hated tests!

I'm ticked at Don. He seems very selfish and self-centered at the moment. He is enjoying his freedom. I shouldn't be surprised. Our friend, Stu, said that men will be mean so that we eventually kick them out and then they can say it was our fault. We kicked them out. That is the truth in this situation. Enough was enough. But I know God has a plan and a calling on Don's life if only he will relinquish control. But how long? How long, Lord?

And I'm tired of fighting the illness, tired of fighting for the marriage, fighting for peace in the home, for sanity, for purpose, trying to be obedient. I'm tired of being judged. People judge when they don't even know the story. They look in from the outside and "assume". I'm not going to slander Don all around town just so people will "understand" and then back me. Just back me and pray for me because I asked you to. I don't care if you understand or if you agree.

Boy, I really am venting and it feels good. I love you, Lord. I know you are the Healer. I'm begging you for healing. Pour it down on David, Ellie, and myself. And on Don, Lord. He needs it the most because he doesn't think he needs it. "Give him the spirit of wisdom and revelation so that he may know you better and know the hope to which you've called him"

1 comment:

Tightening the Corset Again said...

Yes. I know. It's such a difficult balance... how do I let people know how desperately wounded I am without gossip or bitterness or attacking my husband? Most days I lose that battle.

But God is good...