Sometimes I read over my journal entries (which I have been keeping for years and years) and I think "who is that"? Some of it seems fake. Sometimes I feel sorry for that girl, for that woman? Other times I want what she has and then I remember I am her, just not all on the same day. There are days that I really am THAT close to Jesus. Then the next day I struggle to read my Bible or write two sentences in my journal. But I'm still me, He still loves me and we're still in this together.
I don't want to miss the lessons in everything that's happening right now. I keep saying it over and over but I mean it. There is SO much hurt involved, I would hate to see it wasted and produce nothing good. I am watching God weave together so many situations and people as they come together to try and help the kids and me. Praying. Crying. Being angry for me.Being silent when there is just simply nothing to say. There is so much damage done that we know only God can restore. I believe He will and I don't want to miss a single piece of the masterpiece he is putting together. It will be beautiful.
Father I beg you to hold us tighter today. Be a father to the kids right now when they don't have one and a husband to me. Pour your love into us that we may know who we are in you and not believe the lies we've been told. Usually I ask that you show yourself to us, but Lord you're already here, just let us see you..............
- Sheryl
- I am a mom to 2 great kids. I am a child of God who is pursuing after Him as I learn to live in my "new normal". Diagnosed with a life altering illness in June of 2007 and the end of my marriage less than a year later, life has taken a new path. One that I am learning to accept and appreciate. As my illness caused me to be basically home bound, my family named the living room couch "my perch". Thus the title of this blog.
4 comments:
Hi Sheryl -
Great to hear from you. I'm so sorry you are going through a tough time as well. It is a daunting task to get used to "new normals" but I know from experience that it can be done! Thanks for finding our site.
Our cancer blog is protected, all you need is a Wordpress username, and I'll add it to my list.
The address is:
http://dealingwithdisaster.wordpress.com
Let me know your username, and I'll add you and you'll be in!
Thanks again Sheryl - all the best to you.
oh Sheryl,
i feel like i could have written most of this post myself!!!
i just want to thank you for sharing all of this with all of us.
i know all too well about struggling,and the pruning process He allows..and how difficult it can be...
but i also know the amazing days He gives us...those special moments where He pours down His love on us and it all becomes much clearer, and the darkness fades away, and our circumstances can't even touch us, cause the peace and joy that we hold is far greater than anything else.
I am more than thankful the Lord has placed you in my life. right here, right now.
i feel like we are sisters! like i've known you forever :)
i want you to know you are never Alone. never ever. Not only does He promise He is always with you,
all of us who love and care for you hold you up in prayer all the time.
love you!!
jill
Isaiah 54:5 "For your maker is your husband - the Lord Almighty is his name - the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth."
Cool, huh?
I know what you mean by looking back at yourself and realizing you are not the girl you used to be. In some ways it's good, I've grown from certain experencies, learned from a lot of mistakes but in other ways I'm less trusting, bitter, and no longer have the innocence about people and the world.
My life has been divided into sections of before and after of several tragidies I have had to go through.
But your right you are stil you, the person you have always been and I believe you can always find your way back to the good parts of you that you wished hadn't changed.
I'm still working on that myself.
ps. My spelling is horrible at 1 am :)
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